Some people don't like China. Assuming you are coming here, how can you avoid being one? The following are my ideas on the
subject. You'll notice there's quite a psychological bent to this section, and there are two reasons for this. One is that
I studied psychology at university, and perhaps tend to phrase things in these terms. The other is that after seeing at least
a dozen colleagues and friends come to China, I've come to the conclusion that the most important factors of a successful relocation
are psychological - your expectations, your attitudes and your reactions. Two people can be presented with exactly the same
job and enviroment and have complete different experiences. Your China experience has two parts - China and you. You can control
only one of these.
A lot of this advice will seem excessive to those in more Westernised cities. Many of these ideas were formed while I was outside
of these cities. I think its easy for those living in Beijing and Shanghai to underestimate the potential extent of culture-shock (
and I personally think that every whinging ex-pat in Sanlitun or Nanjing Lu should be dropped into Pigzhou, Guangxi for a
couple of weeks to see how lucky they actually are)
Expectations
Expectations are wonderful things. They help you decide what to pack, let you run little role-plays in your head about how
you will interact with your new friends and colleagues, and are completely useless. It's not going to be like that. I have yet
to see anyone take a first trip to China not to have everything they expected proved wrong.
This isn't such a huge problem, as long as you let go. If you cling onto what you expected to be true, you're going to suffer.
The mental effort expended on thinking 'Damnit, it wasn't meant to be like this' is bigger than you think, and it will keep your
mind of what you should be doing - tackling the language and observing.
This isn't to say that you should accept entirely new contracts and living conditions to what you were told you would have
in your emails - look out for yourself, and don't accept 'But this is China' as an excuse for dodgy employers to escape lies.
However, there's no point crying into your rice porridge because you didn't have that dreamed-of view of rice terraces and
photogenic poor people from your window.
Attitudes
The first few days in a totally new culture are incredibly disorientating. Everything is new, and you don't know how any of it
works. It's very easy at this stage to assume that what is happening to you is what happens to everyone - don't do this. Its not
uncommon for employers to introduce the concept of 'new contracts' or tell you about lots of changes that they didn't bother to
mention previously. Do not nod passively and accept this - tell them you'll think about it.
Opposite end of the spectrum is to decide that everything should be done your way. Unfortunately, this ain't your country.
Things do happen differently and demanding otherwise isn't going to change anything - you're banging your head against a five
thousand year old wall. Be very careful about what is and isn't worth fighting for.
Reactions
We're used to living in an information-rich society. We have a right to the information, and the holder of that information has
to have a pretty good reason not to give it to us. China isn't information-rich, and knowledge is often distributed on a need-to-know
basis, or a needed-to-know-yesterday basis. There are two routes to take - one is to get exasperated, complain, winge,
and (as I did once) point at the translation of the word 'psychic' in the dictionary, point at yourself and shake your head
to indicate your lack of this particular ability. This is all very well if it makes you feel better. The other route is to
accept it, do the best you can with the information you have and make friends with people who tend to know things. At my first
school I asked a number of teachers to tell me about timetable changes. None of them did, and after the 'Two Mondays' incident,
I gave up.
You will see a lot of things you don't like. Rooms full of people will stare at you. The guy next to you on the bus will hawk
phlegm for the entire journey. People will stroke your arm because they've never seen such a hairy one before.
Fuming is one reaction, but it's also a very energy-consuming one. Accept it as part of the
country, and plan your dinner-table anecdotes for when you get home.
Head full?
The first few weeks in China will involve assimilating an unprecedented amount of information. Not since birth have you been presented with so much that is new and unknown. Expect to be mentally exhausted a lot of the time. Faces and voices will continue after you close your eyes, and you will remember more dreams, and those dreams will be more vivid. This is just your head sorting out all the information it's gathering.
Steam
Living in China is stressful, and if you aren't aware of that stress and control it's release, then it will surprise you. I've seen
the normally-placid throw raging temper-tantrums in shops and kick their way through doors they can't find the key for. When you feel
yourself getting worked up, you need to start paying a great deal of attention to the way you are acting. When you are away
from the cultural restraints you are used to, and unaware of the new ones surrounding you, strange things can happen. Its
understandable that people often act outside the boundaries of Chinese culture - they don't know where the boundaries are. What
surprises me is the way people often come to act in a manner that would be unacceptable anywhere.
When the country is really getting to you, and you're thinking in terms of plane-tickets, remove yourself from it all. Lock yourself
in your room with your head under the pillow. Spend hours reading your favourite newspaper on the Internet. Read through
letters from home. Reestablish yourself in what you know, until you feel ready to tackle that which you don't.