How do I tell a Chinese girl that I like her?

[TheLearner]

I'm not asian nor do I know anything about chinese dating culture, but there's a chinese girl I like a lot, but I don't want to go about it in the wrong way.

In china, how does a guy and a girl usually end up as a couple? I want to keep my chances as high as possible, that's why I'm here asking on these forums.

[cdn_in_bj]

Is this someone you know and are currently friends with? Or someone you know through a mutual friend? People here go on dates too, like in western countries. Assuming that you are in one of the larger cities, then dating shouldn't be too much different from back home. Some ideas for dates would be to go for a meal, walk in the park, climb the Great Wall, watch a movie, get wasted at a bar/club (j/k!)... Though I don't recommend a movie for the first date as you won't get a chance to talk and it can be a bit awkward. As for going out and getting wasted, well I'll let you figure that one out.

All joking aside, the main thing you need to watch out for is that many girls here enter a relationship with the hope or expectation that it will become permanent. Dating is fine, but once you reach the point of transitioning from dating to bf/gf, and if at that point all you are looking for is a casual relationship, then you need to make sure that she knows this and is ok with it.

[TheLearner]

I'm actually looking for something more long term with this girl. I've know her for about a year but haven't only talked to her for several weeks, because I went away to school.

Honestly the only thing that bugs me is that there are tons of chinese girls on campus, but I've only seen them with other chinese guys. I was just thinking I should use the same approach as a chinese guy. Heh, I know that might sound a little weird, but it is what it is.

[cdn_in_bj]

Most Chinese look upon foreigners quite favourably, so I wouldn't let the fact that you are not Chinese make you less confident in your pursuit. In fact, I think she would be quite flattered that are interested in her.

I was just thinking I should use the same approach as a chinese guy.

Do you have any Chinese friends? Maybe they can offer you some suggestions.

Anyways, good luck and you've got to let us know how you make out.

[imron]

Most Chinese look upon foreigners quite favourably

Unless they're the parents of someone dating a foreigner, then it can be a bit of a mixed bag. There are quite a few posts regarding dating on the forums. You might want to have a browse through them.

[Seven]

Move her with your sincerity and do not give up halfway.

[liuzhou]

The same way you do anywhere else!

Is this a language query or a culture query?

[Senzhi]

It becomes a culture query once you get serious and you need to tell her parents

[simonlaing]

Chinese people love inferring things and understatement.

So if I were you I would invite here on dates but not call them dates (unless she says is this a date?). Chinese stuff like go to a tea bar and play connect 5 and chat. Take a walk in a park or a pretty university campus. (A big one) Invite her to dinner at a relatively expensive place. (not too expensive as then they may think you want something in return.)

Give her compliments.We talked about the slow approach in another recent thread When you're walking, walk close to her, occasionally brush hands, if she is traditional she will enjoy this slow approach. If she is more open and likes you a lot she will hold your hand and suggest you two go back to you your apartment for a make out session or more. (You should agree as this is not a test but a proposition )

If she's still in university or under 22 , I would go for the slow approach unless she gives you signs. Most Chinese girls are only allowed to have a boyfriend once they get to university. Even then the dorms are gender segregated so the most exciting, naught thing to do is hold hands walking, or make-out under the trees in scenic section of campus made for this situation. Aren't chinese lovers cute?

Have fun,

Simon

[imron]

Just a quick clarification, are you talking about a Chinese girl in China, or a Chinese girl outside of China (esp. one who has grown up outside of China)?

[Yang Rui]

I would suggest just taking time to get to know her as a person. Don't get too hung up on the fact she's Chinese or you might end up with loads of preconceptions that end up just getting in the way or misleading you.

If things do develop, here's another piece of advice: I would say that if you find areas where you don't seem compatible, don't be too quick to put them down to "cultural differences" and tolerate them. Sometimes two people just don't get on. If something annoys you or her, then it will go on annoying you. Work at things, by all means, but never let "culture" and your ideas about each other's backgrounds get in the way of the truth of the way you two interact as individuals.

Good luck!