[yigedeguoren]

Hi,

My girlfriend is studying at Fudan for one year, as probably some of you are doing as well. She is from Japan, I know her for two years. I did my internship in Beijing but also spent quite some time in Shanghai, unfortunately already returned back to Germany in April.

Now comes the problem: There is this one guy in the lobby of the Fudan Uni foreigners students hall (留学生公寓). Most of us foreigners being at Fudan Uni for one year stay there. He is down there in the lobby all the time (at least it seems as if), rather big/fat, most of the time alone, wearing shorts and sometimes singing. He is from Tansania (please, I'm not saying anything racist here) and it really seems he is waiting there for something/someone all the time.

A week ago or so he suddenly started touching my girlfriend in the elevator (waist, hip, back and neck). My girlfriend was shocked and froze, unable to move nor complain, as she is very shy with strangers. Nothing happened thereafter. A few days after they accidentally met again in the lobby when she came back home. Waiting for the elevator the guy approached her and touched her again! She was very afraid of going out from then on.

Just then she told me. I was very concerned, something like this clearly just shouldn't happen. I urged her never to be alone again and next time he touches her to tell him: "Please don't touch me!" Let's see whether he would understand and then refrain from touching her.

Now, just yesterday (Sunday) this story:
She went to ING, a bar (酒吧) close to the students hall. She was going to meet her friend so she wasn't alone. When she went through the lobby she saw this guy again waiting there. He didn't do anything. They went on and spent some time at this bar until she realized that this guy had followed them and was observing them now. He came into the bar, watched them a couple of minutes, left. Again and again. My girlfriend was really getting uncomfortable and wanted to return to her room. The two girls didn't feel safe and so she called a male classmate to ask him to bring her home. He did but apparently only accompanied her until the front door of th students hall (I don't know this detail). There he was again. And again touched her. My girlfriend then told him not to touch her. The guy got angry and shouted at her: "fucking 什么什么[...] fuck you [...]" My girlfriend doesn't speak English, so she was only able to understand the f-words. She paniced and run away.

Now, she is REALLY afraid! For obvious reasons...

She talked to the lobby security guys (保安), they just said:" Wait until Tuesday and talk to the teacher in room 121." Sooo Chinese...

No way we should wait so long, this guy is really getting dangerous now!
I have a very good friend here in Germany, he is from Shanghai. My girlfriend and me know his parents (living in Shanghai) very well, too. We asked them for help, the next day they called the 留学生办公室的紧急, some kind of student hall emergency service line. The people answering the phone said they would deal with it. They went to see this guy and my girlfriend (separately) and talked to them. What they said to this guy I don't know. But they said this to my girlfriend: "Sorry, we can't do anything. He is leaving China in only two months (only?). Besides, he is doing his 毕业论文 (final thesis) and therefor is under pressure. This might couse him acting so strange."
WTF?!? Was that all they said? Yes this was all. Well, they also mentioned this guy did some 坏事 (bad things) before. She asked what kind of bad things. Silence. They didn't say (!!). It gets more and more frightening if you ask me! They assured the parents of my Shanghaian friend: "We watch him, everything is under control!" Erm.... yeah, sure...

Today my girlfriend went to the Police, they didn't consider it as something one needs to deal with. Let her be raped first, then ...

Ok, so nothing is happening really. Great!!! My girlfriend is really really really scared now, can't enjoy her stay anymore really.

This is why I'm writing this story down here: We need help.

Have you come across something like this before in China?
How to deal with this case/man?
What other options do we have?
Any specific suggestions?


Oh, and for the girls: Beware of this man! It seems something is not quite ok with him.

Oh no, just as I write this post they met again... This time cursing only. She just understood the f-words... Will this ever stop again... Your help is really appreciated!

[outcast]

Mace if she can find some.

[dalaowai]

If you're worried, you should go back to Shanghai to protect your girl.

[HashiriKata]

I think the girl should

- first try to make sure that she'll never again be in the lift alone with that man. I have heard that in some cultures/ countries of the world, people don't see men raping women as a crime, so she'll need to take great care of herself while waiting for the authority to intervene.

- make her problem known to as many of her friends as possible, especially to her Japanese compatriots and those who share the same floor with her, so that she can call for their help when necessary.

- enlist the help of any local people she's happened to know and ask them to talk to the University on her behalf, just as she has done with one pair of parents.

- with as many of her friends and acquaintances as possible go to the University/ Hall's office the first thing on Monday morning to report the problem and refuse to leave the office until they have committed to do something concrete about it.

Just a few ideas even though I don't know if they will be of any help. Anyway, I hope something effective will be done.

[imron]

If she can't find mace, she could probably make her own pepper spray. She might need to improvise with some of the ingredients though.

[wushijiao]

In case she can't do the pepper spray thing, maybe she could at least carry around a really loud whistle. I know it sounds silly, but if he were to get close it a horrible situation, she might be able to use it to alert the attention of other people/ witnesses, who might deter him.

Could she also ask for a transfer to another dorm/area?

[yonglin]

Quote

She might need to improvise with some of the ingredients though.

I think dried chili powder is very widely available in China? Don't know how freely they sell really strong alcohol, but if she's got some friend doing chemistry, they use 95% ethanol to wash dishes all the time. In the worst case scenario, any strong alcohol, including baijiu, will do.

[renzhe]

This is terrible.

I think that the best way to go is to alert all the friends and acquaintances and never be alone. Mace, and all the rest, are only last resorts. Make sure all the friends and acquaintances know exactly what's going on (especially people living in her dorm), and that she never gets close to this freak alone again.

Usually, when this sort of thing happens, it's good to have the biggest, nastiest friend you can muster, and have him go and talk to the guy in no uncertain terms. 5 big, nasty friends is even better. This may not be the case, as she may not know anyone who fits the bill.

Whatever happens, there has to be an obvious and clearly visible change in her behaviour. From this moment on, she should always have friends (preferably more than one, preferably male, preferably the big and nasty variety) take her home, she should make it public as much as she can, and if your relatives/acquaintances over there stay on top of the thing and the guy receives another visit or two, best if it's from some security guard or a policemen, even better.

I know that maybe not all of this is practical, that she may be shy or not know too many friends, but the most important thing is to make it clear to the guy that he's not getting away with this in the future. If she doesn't react, or reacts shyly and in a scared way (completely alone), this is sending all the wrong signals to the guy.

[elina]

Move to a new living area.

Buy one of them:
http://promotion.chi.../flq/index.html
http://search1.taoba...?at_topsearch=1

[self-taught-mba]

#1 teach her some English - like "help" "rape" "fire" last one is best
#2 mace = bad idea for so many reasons. it is so easy to swat it away and it doesn't really incapacitate; it just pisses you off. Knife or tazer is better.
#3 pre-emptive strike - but if they get caught or the gyu is hurt they will get slammed
#4 do what housing agents have been known for - call in waidiren thugs
#5 get ugly, act less "typical Japanese" (if she does at all and f this might be a fetish thing or driving the attraction) even shave her head etc. (no, a woman shouldn't have to do this and it's not fair, but anything is better than getting raped)
#6 get her embassy involved if police are lazy
#7 change her attitude; timid is out; make her realize she is ultimately responsible for her safety and if she has to knife him/shock him (or deprive herself of liberty) then get ready for it
#8 time for some training - recommend Wing Chun if available; completely combat focused. at a minimum how to pull and slash with a blade as he moves in
#9 whistle is good - get the whole floor in on it! ahead of time! (write the email for her that can explain the situation for her) - whistle time means a hallway empties its rooms and goes to stomping mode

situation stinks

--typed

[yigedeguoren]

Hey guys,

thanks a lot for your replies! Some good input for us.

She is not going out alone anymore and will buy mace and stuff tomorrow. Knife might be too dangerous for herself. She is making it public as much as she can already.
Unfortunately those big nasty friends aren't available, her friends rather feature the small and cute variety... many of them though.

She will go to this 留学生办公室 tomorrow (Tuesday), since Monday wasn't a working day this week. Let's see what happens next.

With these measures taken she might be ok for the rest of the time, though not feeling very comfortable anymore, knowing this man is after her... and cursing her everytime she gets back home. She has to get by this man a few times every day, as he is waiting in the lobby virtually all the time. Even at night.

Still, what bugs me is, that this man will get away with it. As he did before. Nobody is sueing him / taking any measures against him. He can just go on with other girls...

I'll post again if something notable happens.

[bottledpoetry]

:cry:Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that your girlfriend has to go through this!!!!! What a sick mother!!!!

My two cents:

It sounds like your girlfriend is really afraid right now, but she needs to stop being timid and protect herself. I think her harrasser is taking advantage of her quietness--Shanghainese women (proud to be one) are kind of known for being aggressive and loud. This guy may think he can bully her, or is fooling himself into thinking she is somehow okay with this because she is being quiet about this. To be honest, without voicing her discomfort and anger, its going to be hard for her to get anyone to do something about this.

Also, please ask her to approach multiple people and publicize this problem. Go to the foreign students office, the embassy, the security, and her fellow international students. The more people who know, the less likely this will happen again. If her Chinese isn't that good, she should bring a friend who can argue and make her point to the authorities. If I were here, I would emphasize my disbelief and anger that this could be happening to me in such a well-known school.

If it's possible, you should really think about being with her. That may be enough of a hint to tell the guy to lay off, at least until the college administration can deal (probably slowly) with this problem. If she's frightened out of her wits, nobody else will make her feel safer than her boyfriend.

I hope this situation gets resolved!

[yigedeguoren]

You are absolutely right. Unfortunately I need to be where I'm now... But, if things get worse, I'll just get her a plane ticket... Until now we still try to resolve this matter by rather "peaceful" means.

Tonight she was fighting half an hour with those security guys downstairs, being really upset, but the 保安 don't give a shit. Tomorrow she'll be talking to those other office people. The outcome might not be much, true. But she is telling everybody now, she even found another Japanese girl being stalked (by a Korean guy though).

The downside is that she can't take the pressure very well, she gets sick. The more she complains about this guy the angrier he gets. And nobody does anything so he can act at his will... This all gets to her.


Meanwhile she learned a bit more about him. He is a fourth year student at Fudan and is supported by public funds (I don't know from which country). It is said that his family in Tansania is rather well off and some people "helped" him to come to China. Recently, after almost four years of studying at Fudan the University denied him to graduate from Uni. He won't receive the Masters degree. That means he failed. This is why he has to leave the country. He apparently doesn't have much to lose now.

[yangbin]

Wouw, so the dorm is so scary, that's why i live outside!

Anyway, this dude will leave this month, so should be fine, and they are so many people everywhere in the dorm, that your grilfriend should not get any problem. I mean, she just need to avoid this guy, that all!

If the guy harass her again, well she needs to call the Ambassy, cause nobody in Fudan will help her. Even the 留学生办公室, they are really really NOT helpful at all! She cant speak english, but she speak chinese, right? so she can just rebuck this guy anyway.

After that, well, some trainings of self defense might be quite useful!

[heifeng]

Very sorry to hear about your girlfriends situation. Unfortunately it can be very difficult to do anything about sexual harassment and even stalking in general since, as you have encountered it may either simplly brushed off or not even be addressed by authorities.

I think that some good posts were given here. Especially the whistle, AND having your girl change her behavior (ie. NOT going around by herself, etc. ) and not being afraid of being LOUD to let the idiot know she isn't easy to victimize and isn't afraid to fight back! I don't think a knife would be a good idea since it could potentially be used against her...although in 'heifeng's self defense book' I would at least carry around a fork or pen and keep it accessible/in pocket for a worst case scenario for eye gouging if it ever really really came down to that.

Even though it seems unfair that she will have to always be on the defensive this will be important for her. Also, I think that she should continue alerting other people in her dorm and what not, since there is safety in numbers. Next, she'll have to make a conscious effort to eliminate any potential opportunities he has to do anything else. So, this also includes under NO circumstances opening her dorm room to strangers, and keeping it locked at all times, not going to the elevator by herself or using the restroom by herself and anything that would make her an easy target. Wear shoes she can run in, don't carry too much at one time so she can keep her hands free, etc. Unfortunately this may make her feel like she's the one being punished, but general preventative measure are more important than 'I wish I would have' ...etc after the fact. Clearly this guy is familiar with dorm happenings since he is generally watching what is going on all day, so you're girlfriend is going to have to stay one step ahead of him. Don't give him an opportunity to do anything else!

I think that you should also continue complaining to the school, get some documentation and formal complaints going etc, etc. but this is only part of what needs to be done, but unfortunately since you can't be sure they'll even do anything, its still important to take other preventative measures and for her to stick together with other students.

Best of luck.

[so.many.words]

Students have parents and forum members have parents ...how about an email address for the Uni (enrollment queries of something), so that some (parents) might raise our concerns for the lack of security and it being a significant reason for not financing our child's language studies at this uni....

I think that the security of kids everywhere is important, that the Chinese carry their sensitivities in their wallets is just plain disheartening, but if this is the way then so be it. That foreigners, even Chinese students in Australia, feel lost and alienated and miss home is an experience most of us suffer but to be scared is just plain awful, tell your girlfriend to cheer up and there are lots of parents here that would be happy to give her a hug.

An email would make no reference to you or your girlfriend, but would refer to rumour only of poor security. I understood your post and have also seen 1st hand an almost identical situation, only different because it was an african student that had been forced into 2-years of study in China. He missed his family and his goats and was very verbal ...and aimed at Chinese. If we ever bumped into him in a bar we would dissapear as he would drink and then abuse every Chinese with the worst possible language. It was both ugly and sad and he was so desperate to be home again.

Of course you are worried for her, a hug for you too:cry:.

[lilongyue]

I've this kind of thing happen before, but it was usually foreign males with Chinese women. It seems that foreign men from certain countries don't really give a shit about women, as women probably have a lower status in their countries. Foreign women who travel in countries like India are regularly groped in public places. I know foreign women who have traveled in foreign countries and been felt up walking down the street by passers-by, even people driving by on motorcycles! If this guy's culture is like this, and his family is wealthy as you said, he's probably uses to getting away with things, acting as he likes. If he's been studying in China for that long he probably speaks Chinese, unless they have Master's programs in English. I think she could tell him to f*ck off in Chinese. Royally bitch him out, Why did he pick an Asian women to do this to? Probably because he knew how she would react the first time - frozen with fear, shy and embarrassed. He knows not to try it with an American or European women because they are outspoken.

[yigedeguoren]

HI there,

thanks for your replies again. They have been very helpful for us!

Manwhile my girlfriend tried to talk to many officials in uni now, but nobody is interested. And she didn't just talk (her Chinese is good btw), she got really angry/mad... no chance/nothing helped.

But in the end she found this 日本学生的代表 (some representative for japanese students at Fudan). He finally listened to her, but his powers to raise her concerns are limited. He confirmed, that this guy came to his attention before (meaning people complained before), also many many other cases with different persons involved. He said the main issue in the end is the university. They never did anything to improve any situation. This has continued for years now... In the end the explanation is simple: Money. Some of you pointed this out already.

But, this Japanese representative does whatever he can apparently, he went to have dinner together with this guy from Tansania, talked to him (I don't know what) and it seems that the whole situation has improved now. No cursing nor touching the last two days.

So no improvement at the root of the problem, but as long as it works for her now ...

For others still to come and study at Fudan similar problems could occur as well. In this case, dont't expect any help from university officials nor police. Nobody will help. Except for friends and this one Japanese representative. What an evidence of incapacity for Fudan...

[wushijiao]

When I was at Fudan, I needed a silly little piece of paper to prove that I had studied there in order to get some paperwork for another university. The administration (common people who run things) I found to be very nice people, but very unwilling to do anything that might possibly be out of their job description. Anyway, once I had one of my prof.'s make a call, and the whole issue was solved. Less than a miunte of phone call vs. one day lost running around.

So, another thing you could do is describe the situation to the highest ranking prof. or department head you know, and have them make a call or two on your behalf. In a hierarchy, after all, people only do things when there is fear from someone above.

[simonlaing]

Degouren,

Can you tell us what happenned in the end? Was she ok?

Did the school take any extra steps to deal with the situation?

Such a crazy thing, it is good that you took action instead of letting it excalate.

Thanks,
SimoN:)