Scholarships and maintaining a relationship while studying abroad

[Law-West]

So, I just found out yesterday that according to my test results I qualified for the MÖB (Hungarian Scholarship Council)'s one year scholarship program, which didn't really come as a surprise, but I'm still pretty happy about it.

 

There is, however, something I've been contemplating for a very long time, which can be roughly summarized as "is there any chance of upholding a relationship with my girlfriend while I'm on a different continent for a year?" 

 

I do realize that this may vary depending on couples and there is no definite yes/no answer to this question, but I'd like to hear your opinions, maybe even personal experiences on this matter, as well as suggestions if you have any.

 

To provide a bit of a background, we're both university students, we've been together for a little more than two years, and although she did start learning Chinese not that long ago, she's not good enough yet to apply for a scholarship (currently aiming for HSK 2).

 

I did play with the thought of going after my third year (I'm in my second year now, Chinese major, Japanese minor) or applying for a different scholarship that only provides one semester instead of a full year. Still not sure what the right decision would be.

 

As a sidenote: some representatives of the CRCC Asia internship program are coming to my uni next week, this may be yet another option, although I don't know any specific details yet.

[ZhangKaiRong]

Hello, my fellow countryman,

 

As you said, it depends only on you... But chances are not that high, so to say.

 

However, your Gf has another option on getting a scholarship to China, it is called EU Window, which does not require any kind of prior Chinese knowledge. If you are aiming for a smaller and less popular city (not Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, Xiamen, etc.), you can go to the same place and continue being together in China as well.

[Lu]

As you say, it really depends on the both of you and your relationship, but long-distance relationships are absolutely possible.

Points in your favour:

- You've been together for quite some time already;

- Your girlfriend has an interest in the place you're going to;

- Your separation is temporary, you both know when you'll be together again.

My one attempt at one failed, and this was almost entirely due to bad communication between us (he announced from the start that he was 'not good at keeping in touch', this was very true. I said I could handle that, which wasn't). I had a classmate who for years was in a LDR with a Taiwanese girl, they are now married and have two kids. You can look elsewhere on the internet for lots and lots of advice on long-distance relationships, but I can give a little bit of advice here:

- Make sure you keep in touch by any and all means (or at least any and all means that the both of you like). Skype, email, Whatsapp/Wechat, send each other photos, send each other things by mail... Tell each other what's going on in your life.

- Talk to each other beforehand about expectations and ways to cope. What if you miss her very much? What if one of you meets someone else? What if one of you is caught up in other things and doesn't contact the other for some time? Etc.

- Try to visit each other if at all possible. It helps that she already has an interest in China, it'll be fun for her as well to explore the country (or just the city) with you.

Of course, the first thing to ask yourself (and her): do you both think it's worth it? If you're not planning to stay together for at least some more years, it can just as well be a good reason to break up now and spare each other the separation.

[Shelley]

I think it also depends on how important going to china is, if you don't go will you regret it all your life?, will you unconsciously blame your GF? and end up splitting up anyway?

 

Just go do it, its a once in life time opportunity, take it with both hands and enjoy it.

 

if your relationship is strong and meant to be, it will survive if not you will find that out too.

 

As said above, talk about all of these things with your GF, talk lots, come up with contingency plans for everything and go secure in the knowledge that you have her backing and will be there for you, but also be realistic and be prepared to find things changing.

 

I wish you the best and hope you have an absolutely wonderful time in china.

[Johnny20270]

I do realize that this may vary depending on couples and there is no definite yes/no answer to this question, but I'd like to hear your opinions, maybe even personal experiences on this matter, as well as suggestions if you have any.

 

 

 

 

I disagree, It is a definite yes / no question!. And for me, its clearly a yes! It should not be a deciding factor in your relationship if you are away for a year. Now a cavet (as I have had this experience) the distance is not a major, especially with modern technology like skype, wechat, cheaper flights etc. If two people genuinely want to be together they can, end of story. Often work commitments , distance, family problems, money are used to find a way out. But people need to look for the reason to be together rather than reason not be together. If distance was the issue then people in the army, working abroad, people on oil rigs, mining industry, shipping etc would all be broken up.

 

My ex colleague dated a taiwanese girl for 5 years while she was in Taiwan. They are married 10 years and have 2 kids now

 

I would encourage you to go and do what you want to do. I know couples now who argue and fight because one says, "I could have done this" and "I could have done that" ... "but you held me back". The start to form grudges. I was in a relationship myself with a chinese girl whereby she didn't want to to do anything I was interested in. Wanted me to never drink again, never go rock climbing etc. I also had a touring motorbike and loved touring on it. She thought it was too dangerous and said its me or the bike. I chose the bike but not because I was being selfish, it was because she was trying to suffocate any sense of adventure I had. 

[Law-West]

Thanks everyone for all the answers. As you all mentioned, it would be a shame to miss such a chance and my gf is definitely more than understanding about it, so she's also telling me to go. 

I'm not entirely sure where to study yet, but I've looked at a couple of places so far and I'm certain that a year among native speakers will help improve my chinese speaking skills more than anything.

[Eszter]

Sorry for the code switching in advance
Csak bátran, annak idején az én kapcsolatom is kibírta! Ha közös az érdeklődés, akkor pláne! Ha szeretnél beszélgetni, írj privátban. Sok szerencsét!

[XuanWu]

sounds like you have a good bond. Also consider the fact that one year, maybe not be enough and you would like to come again

for more years.