tallcity Posted July 12, 2015 at 08:47 PM Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2015 at 08:47 PM Thanks for all the replies. Some of them are very amusing. I think my situation was an exception to the rule.. as I was a workstudy at Confucius, I was the only guy working in there, since the director had her own office and was busy most of the time. So, I couldn't leave the center, and was at the mercy of whoever came in to bug me. Just an observation, the most dramatic were the kids from Guangzhou. One guy was like "oh Chris my English homework is so hard!" and he would pretend to faint in his chair from mental exhaustion.. and if I refused to help him, he played the victim very effectively, with a shocked look on his face. Normally I would leave the situation, but here, I had to sit there and take it. As for the girl from Guangzhou.. I did help her with her presentation a couple times, as I thought this may create a good feeling of goodwill there.. but whenever I needed help, she was nowhere to be found, and incommunicado. Usually that would cut things off, but since I had to sit there as part of my job, I had no escape. Thankfully, I don't work there anymore, but I still receive requests for favors. Sometimes there is the offer of food..but food doesn't really motivate me, since I can easily make my own. Once, I did carry a box for a Chinese Hanban teacher.. she offered dinner. Once at the café, she ordered the food, then looked at her phone the whole time, or chatted with the chef, but didn't talk to me, until.. she looked at the bus schedule and said "your bus is almost here, you should go now." Needless to say, I escaped that toxic relationship pretty quickly. I did get a call the other day from a teacher desperate to find an apartment. She mentioned one down the street from me.. but complained about the blacks and Mexicans there. First, in Denver, good luck finding an apartment building without Mexicans. Second.. I am part South American, part black.. so I told her I don't have that kind of problem.. and don't make me angry, or my brown and black sides will come out and bite ya!!! haha. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lu Posted July 15, 2015 at 07:00 AM Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 at 07:00 AM Options I think are: - Just say no. You don't have time, you have other obligations, you have to work or study, you have 事 (nevermind if the 事 is a dinner appointment or just sitting on the couch) and you can't help them. Yes, how unfortunate you don't have time. And how unfortunate the homework is so hard. Just continue to politely say no when pressed. You say you had to sit there and take it, but I assume you were not just sitting there but working while sitting. - As mentioned before: charge them a price that would make it worthwhile for you. Most will decline, some will take you up on it and then you make some nice money. (I was once asked to translate a summary of a PhD thesis for a friend of a friend. It had to be done the day after and I was very busy that day. Charged him 10 cent/wrd and he of course declined. The only thing I regret is that I'm afraid my friend was not so happy with my approach, perhaps I should just have said no.) - For small stuff like carrying heavy boxes, consider just doing it and not asking for anything in return. It's nice to be able to help someone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demonic_Duck Posted July 15, 2015 at 12:49 PM Report Share Posted July 15, 2015 at 12:49 PM - Just say no. You don't have time, you have other obligations, you have to work or study, you have 事 (nevermind if the 事 is a dinner appointment or just sitting on the couch) and you can't help them. Yes, how unfortunate you don't have time. And how unfortunate the homework is so hard. Just continue to politely say no when pressed. You say you had to sit there and take it, but I assume you were not just sitting there but working while sitting. Actually “我有事” is a great catch-all excuse. You're not expected to explain what the 事 is, and the other person will probably feel awkward asking if you don't volunteer the information (asking might even be considered rude). Completely the opposite of English speakers, who always feel the need to explain their excuse in great detail (whether it's a legitimate one or not). For the heavy box thing, I think Lu's right that you shouldn't expect any repayment for such a relatively minor favour, but I can see why you'd be a little annoyed by a seemingly nice return gesture (buying you dinner) turning out to just be her 敷衍ing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethingfunny Posted July 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 at 09:11 AM Whenever Chinese people use the 我有事 or the 我得去办点事 it makes me want to punch them in the face. Even when I started using it myself the usual response would be 你有什么事？ in the incongruous tone of voice implying that I've got nothing better to do with my life (may or may not be true), which I find especially annoying because if I ever asked 你有什么事？ the answer would invariably be 和你有关系吗？ Double standards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lu Posted July 16, 2015 at 09:54 AM Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 at 09:54 AM I never get called out on 我有事. I always feel a bit guilty though, because sometimes the 事 is just something boring that would take a while to explain, but usually it's an excuse. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yhs31217 Posted July 16, 2015 at 11:38 AM Report Share Posted July 16, 2015 at 11:38 AM 我有事 is a really Chinese reply it'll work for some people but what if the answer of 我有事 is: 我不急。 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted July 17, 2015 at 07:38 AM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 07:38 AM Chinese people will frequently offer food as a form of gratitude as it is part of the culture. What else is the OP expecting? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lu Posted July 17, 2015 at 08:48 AM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 08:48 AM but what if the answer of 我有事 is: 我不急。Then you tell them that you're currently busy but you'll be sure to let them know when you have more time. If that takes a while, they'll get the hint and find someone else, or they'll keep pestering you and eventually not get the work done, and that way they will learn too. Or perhaps some day you really do run out of other things to do and are bored enough to do the thing for them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcdefg Posted July 17, 2015 at 09:23 AM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 09:23 AM Chinese people will frequently offer food as a form of gratitude as it is part of the culture. What else is the OP expecting? I'm always glad to be treated to a meal, especially since my hosts often know great restaurants that I haven't found before. Like the hobo signs say, "Will work for food." (I don't really much care about the cash.) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted July 17, 2015 at 11:25 AM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 11:25 AM Slightly off topic but I thought the "work for food " thing was so people would feel confident that the reimbursement for any work done would not go on drink. I am hesitant to help out with cash as I am pretty sure food is the last thing it will get spent on. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcdefg Posted July 17, 2015 at 01:12 PM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 01:12 PM You're right, Shelley. And I'm the kind of hobo that's always glad to help out correcting a term paper in return for a pleasant meal with someone who might become a new friend. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelley Posted July 17, 2015 at 03:29 PM Report Share Posted July 17, 2015 at 03:29 PM Sharing food is a good way to make new friends and renew old friendships. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallcity Posted July 18, 2015 at 10:14 PM Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2015 at 10:14 PM I used to accept meals, until the unfriendly experience I shared. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcdefg Posted July 19, 2015 at 12:29 AM Report Share Posted July 19, 2015 at 12:29 AM Once, I did carry a box for a Chinese Hanban teacher.. she offered dinner. Once at the café, she ordered the food, then looked at her phone the whole time, or chatted with the chef, but didn't talk to me, until.. she looked at the bus schedule and said "your bus is almost here, you should go now." Needless to say, I escaped that toxic relationship pretty quickly. That does sound like an unpleasant situation. I probably would have tried real hard to engage her in conversation. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tallcity Posted July 25, 2015 at 12:22 AM Author Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 at 12:22 AM We used to have plenty of conversations..then I found out she had a husband, and she found out I am not rich ..then this request came out of nowhere, to carry the package three blocks, in Winter weather. Definitely surreal. She went back to China, I am guessing unable to accomplish her citizenship ambitions? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted July 25, 2015 at 08:30 AM Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 at 08:30 AM You mean you did not keep in contact? How strange! :-) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted July 25, 2015 at 08:30 AM Report Share Posted July 25, 2015 at 08:30 AM double post deleted (Happens quite often when using my mobile phone) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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