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skylee

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skylee

How about sharing some jokes written in Chinese?

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小明考完試走出考場,有人問他考得怎麼樣。

他氣憤地說﹕「哼,歷史考我出生以前的事,地理考我沒去過的地方。這樣的問題,我沒法回答。」

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老師﹕「你覺得今次測驗的題目難嗎?」

學生﹕「題目十分容易!難的是答案!」

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媽:「小明,為甚麼考得這麼差?」

小明:「因為沒看書。」

媽:「那為甚麼沒看書呀?」

小明:「沒辦法,監考老師盯得太緊啦!!」

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某日上化學課, 老師宣布下節課要小考。

小明緊張地立即舉手問老師會不會考得很難,老師只說了一句:「十分簡單,大家一定拍手叫好。」

可是考完後每個人都考得慘不忍睹, 怎麼會簡單呢?於是小明又問了老師,只聽老師說:「我可沒說錯哦,十分簡單, 剩下九十分很難!!」

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小華:「 考試準備得如何了?」

小明:「我看完了。」

小華:「 這麼強,全看完了?」

小明:「 不,我是說『我看…完了! 』」

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老師問:「如果你只有一天的壽命,你最想到那裏去?」

學生答:「我會留在這間學校,這個課室。」

老師:「好感動啊! 現在竟然有學生這般好學。」

學生:「因為我在這個課室裏有"渡日如年"的感覺!」

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老師:「小丙,你為甚麼在上課時睡覺?」

小丙:「我沒睡覺呀!」

老師:「那你為甚麼閉上眼睛??」

小丙:「我正在閉目沉思!」

老師:「那你為甚麼一直點頭???」

小丙:「你剛才講解得很有道理!」

老師:「那你為甚麼一直流口水呢????」

小丙:「老師,你講得很棒,我聽得津津有味哦!」

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pazu

哈哈, 好搞笑。

我最鍾意呢一個:

老師﹕「你覺得今次測驗的題目難嗎?」

學生﹕「題目十分容易!難的是答案!」

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Quest

赞成。

小明考完試走出考場,有人問他考得怎麼樣。

他氣憤地說﹕「哼,歷史考我出生以前的事,地理考我沒去過的地方。這樣的問題,我沒法回答。」

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pazu

要說笑話, 不如說真人真事。

我姐姐的同學用普通話問她: 「你暑假想去哪裡?」

我姐姐想去印度, 便說: 「Wo xiang qu Yindao. 」

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skylee

Here are some more jokes about animals.

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甲﹕「我家的狗實在太聰明了,每天早上都會銜當天的報紙來給我!」

乙﹕「這沒什麼,很多人家的狗都會這樣。」

甲﹕「可是我們家沒有訂報紙啊!」

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一名男子被判刑12年,在獄中頗為無聊。直到有一天他發現一隻螞蟻竟然聽得懂他的話,覺得很興奮,於是便開始訓練它。

幾年之後,這隻螞蟻不但會倒立,翻筋斗,還會走鋼索、跳火圈,令他頗為得意。

終於他出獄了,第一件事便是跑去酒吧,準備炫耀他那隻神奇的螞蟻。

他先向酒保點了一杯啤酒,然後把螞蟻從口袋裡掏出來放在桌上,向酒保說﹕「看看這隻螞蟻!」

那酒保一看,馬上往桌上一拍,然後很抱歉地對他說﹕「對不起!我馬上換一杯新的給你。」

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老師 ﹕「我們學校由下學期起,轉用全英文授課。」

甲同學 ﹕「嘩 !我們會聽不懂的。」

老師 ﹕「不要擔心聽不懂,學語言就是要多聽,你們每天聽我說英語,時間久了自然就會明白。」

乙同學 ﹕「 可是我每天聽家中小狗叫,也不知道牠在說甚麼呢。」

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老王到寵物店,想買一隻狗。好不容易跟老闆講定價錢。

正要離開時, 他忽然想到一個問題,急忙回頭問老闆:「你這隻狗忠不忠心啊?」

老闆拍胸脯保證說: 「牠當然忠心囉!之前我一共把牠賣出去四次,牠都自己跑回來呢!」

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一天,一隻小白兔跳進了一家藥房。

白兔:「老闆,你們這裡有賣紅蘿蔔嗎?」

老闆:「沒有。」

隔天,小白兔又跳進藥房問:「老闆,你們這裡有賣紅蘿蔔嗎??」

老闆:「沒有啦~」

第三天,小白兔又跳進了藥房問:「老闆,你們這邊有賣紅蘿蔔嗎??」

老闆:「跟你說過不少遍了『這裡沒有賣紅蘿蔔』,你再進來問這種問題,我就用剪刀把你的耳朵削掉。」

...

第四天,小白兔又跳了進來,問:「老闆,你們這裡有剪刀嗎?」

老闆:「沒有。」

小白兔:「那你們這裡有賣紅蘿蔔嗎??」 老闆:「╳'※≒....」

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有一個家庭,全家人都非常的懶惰。爸爸叫媽媽做家事,媽媽不想做就叫大姊做,大姊也不想做就叫妹妹做,但是妹妹也不想做就叫小狗做。

有一天家裡來了一個客人發現小狗在做家事,很驚訝,問小狗﹕「你會做家事呀?」

小狗就說﹕「他們都不做就叫我做呀!」

客人更加驚訝﹕「你會說話?」

小狗﹕「噓!小聲一點!不然他們知道我會說話又叫我去接電話!」

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有兩個旅人專門到處去旅行探險,有一天...

他們在某野外碰到了一隻大黑熊,當時他們都感到非常害怕!!

只見旅人甲馬上忙著穿起了他的運動鞋,旅人乙則一臉疑惑的說:「你確定你能跑得過黑熊嗎??」

旅人甲就說:「我不知道我能不能跑得過黑熊,但我知道我只要跑贏你就好了...」

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skylee

十大經典誤會

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護士看到病人在病房喝酒,就走過去小聲叮囑說:「小心肝!」

病人微笑道:「小寶貝。」

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有位大嫂在公共汽車上看到一位即將下車的男人掉了包煙在踏板上,於是趕緊對那男人說:「同志,你煙掉了!」

男人大怒:「你才閹掉了!」

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某男如廁便秘,忽見一人飛奔而入,頃刻風雨交加。

「哥們兒,真羨慕你呀,那麼快。」「羨慕啥,沒脫褲子呢。」

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某公司招聘,下一位該面試的女孩的英文名是「Spring」,

秘書欲藉機賣弄一下自己的英語水平,喊道:「Hi !那個叫『春』的,輪到你了!」

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公車上,站著的孕婦對身旁坐著的陌生男子說:「你不知道我懷孕了嗎?」

只見男子很緊張的樣子道:「可孩子不是我的呀!」

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民:「軍中有軍妓嗎?」

軍:「有呀,沒有軍紀怎麼行!」

民:「真的!要付錢嗎?」

軍 :「這還要什麼錢呀,我們的軍紀都是統一由上面傳下來的。」

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女秘書:「老闆,你太太來電話,她說要在電話裡吻你。」

老闆:「你先替我收一下,一會過來交給我。」

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王太太懷了四胞胎,並到處向街坊鄰居炫耀,說懷四胞胎很不容易,平均要六萬次才會發生一例。

李太太很驚異:「那你還有空做家務嗎? 」

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孩子正考慮有關「遺傳與環境」的問題。

母親插話道:「這個問題很簡單,大家都知道如果孩子像父親,那就是遺傳;像鄰居,那就是環境。 」

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小泉純一郎參觀農場,記者照了一張他在豬圈和豬一起的照片。次日見報,旁邊有附言:左起第三位為小泉純一郎同志。

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pazu

一男子坐升降機, 到了三樓後門開了, 一女子進入, 她說: 「我夠淫蕩, 謝謝!」

男子關上電梯門, 女子向他會意一笑, 男人有所動作, 女子見狀大叫救命, 並掌摑了男子。

男子怒叫: 「是你先挑逗我!」

女子哭說: 「我扮酷, 說英語而已!」(I'm going down...)

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zenboy

:( I wish I could read Chinese....

The jokes must be very funny, but I don't understand it :wall

Onyone here wanna help me learning Chinese?? :lol:

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confucius

A Hong Kong tai tai buys a Mandarin speaking parrot for her twin teenage daughters at the Shenzhen bazaar, unaware that the bird used to belong to a brothel in Shekou.

The cage is covered with a cloth in transit until the bird gets to her flat.

When the tai tai removes the cloth the parrot exclaims "xin jiyuan!" (New brothel!) Her daughters come home and the parrot gets excited again "xin guniang!" (New girls!) Finally her husband returns from a long night and the parrot says "Lao Zhang, ni hao!" (Hello Mr. Zhang!)

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skylee

六點半新聞一則 -> here

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Azumanga

Very funny, have a look at this one.

学校老师让同学们造句,小强从容不迫地完成作业。老师对他是刮目相看,他写的造句是:

难过----我们家门前的大水沟很难过。

如果----罐头不如果汁营养丰富。

天真----今天真热,是游泳的好日子。

十分----妹妹的数学只考十分,真丢脸。

从容----我做事情,都是先从容易的做起。

人参----老师说明天每个人参加大队接力时,一定要尽力。

棉被----小玉的卫生棉被偷了。

便当----小明把大便当做每天早上起床第一件要做的事。

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skylee

I've found this, which is being circulated via e-mail, quite interesting. I guess this is the right place to post it -> 文化差異

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xiaomawang

一次飞机意外,一个美国人,一个法国人和一个台湾人被迫流落于沙漠.走了很久,眼前一阵烟,出现一个阿拉伯灯神,给他们一人三个愿望.

美国人抢说:第一,我要很多很多的钱.(灯神替他实现了.)

美国人再说:然后,我还要很多很多的钱.(灯神再替他实现了.)

美国人又说:最后,我要回家.(灯神把他送回了美国家里.)

法国人急说:第一,我要很多很多的美女.(灯神替他实现了.)

法国人再说:然后,我还要很多很多的美女.(灯神再替他实现了.)

法国人又说:最后,我要回家.(灯神把他送回了法国家里.)

台湾人想了想说:第一,我现在想要一瓶上等绍兴酒.(实现了.)

喝完后,台湾人说:然后,我还想要一瓶上等绍兴酒.(再实现了.)

再喝完后,台湾人想着想着说:哎!一个真闷,把他们两个叫回来吧.

....

美国人, 法国人又和台湾人被迫流落于沙漠.走了很久,眼前一阵烟,出现另一个阿拉伯灯神,给他们一人两个愿望.美国人和法国人怕又被台湾人叫回来,就叫台湾人先说.

台湾人说:我要一瓶上等绍兴酒.(实现了.)

然后,台湾人想了想说:嗯..我现在很满足了,你可以走了.

....灯神化做一缕轻烟消失了

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seagate

Aha, I have a couple of real jokes to share with you guys. They are all

related to languages.

(1). A friend of mine, who is a Chinese girl and comes from south China.

As many of you know, many southern Chinese people feel difficult to

differentiate between 'C' and 'Ch', 'Z' and 'Zh', and 'S' and 'Sh' in

Mandarin. So the story begins from here. One day, she caught a cold

so stayed in bed and didn't go to school. A friend happened to have

something and didn't find her at her office, so he called her home.

He asked: why do you stay at home today? The girl meant to reply:

I have a fever. But since she can't differentiate 'S' and 'Sh', she replied

in Chinese: 'Wo Fa Sao Le' (我发骚了). You can imagine her friend's

reaction :D

(2). Still the joke from the girl above. She came to USA to study in 2001.

At that time her English was still not very good. Just less than one month

after her arrival, the 911 incident happened. On the second day, she

asked her labmate, an American girl: Did you see the TV program last

night? Obviously she meant to refer to the 911 tragedy. But that American

girl misunderstood her and thought she was referring to something else,

and replied in a somewhat excited tone: Oh, It's amazing! (I really can't

imagine anything that can be described as 'amazing' could have been

shown in that night's TV program) My friend was a little confounded by

that American girl's expression and her tone. But she just thought:

anyway, learn a new word today. Seems 'amazing' can be used to

describe something related to tragedy. That afternoon, she came

across her advisor, an American, on the street. Her advisor asked her,

in a serious tone: did you see the TV last night? She just used the word

she just learnt to reply, also in a very serious tone: yes, it is so amazing!

Suddenly, she found her advisor was staring at her with astonishment

and some anger! Then her advisor left without saying anything more.

My friend felt very :oops: and :-? . Then she rushed to her office and

picked up a dictionary......

(More to come... I have to go to bed now...)

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skylee

I've just heard this on TV.

"教堂賣的是甚麼?"

The answer is ...

"My God." :wink:

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skylee

I heard this from a children's radio programme and it really got me laughing -

冰箱裏排列着很多雞蛋。第一隻雞蛋向旁邊的蛋說:「你看最後的蛋,毛茸茸綠色的,多醜。」第二隻雞蛋又向他旁邊的蛋說同樣的話,如此傳下去。傳到第九隻雞蛋,他也轉頭說:「你看你這雞蛋,毛茸茸綠色的,多醜。」第十隻沒好氣地回答:「唉,我不是雞蛋呀。我是 ......」

你猜他是甚麼?

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skylee

Bingo!

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