Is this sentence of mine right, or wrong?

[Xiaoyue]

Ok here's the point: I want to say something like this:

"有不少家庭的错误是让学校完全的托付他们的孩子，以及放松家里的教育。。。。。。”

In case my sentence could be terribly wrong, It means "There are some families that have the mistake to let the schools take care of their children completely, and have no attention at their children at home."

Sorry I know my Eng sucks, but please help me with that sentence above. Thanks a lot!

[isela]

I guess this would sound better:

有不少家庭的错误是把他们的孩子完全托付给学校，继而放松了家里的教育。

继而 means "following that/from there".

你的句子整体不错，能看懂．

[Xiaoyue]

Thank you Isela, your answer was so great.

谢谢你，好朋友！

[muyongshi]

Sounds awkward to me, I would change the order to this:

让学校完全托付小孩是不少家庭犯了错误

Saying 有 and then the 的 is actually incorrect. You could say 有不少家庭犯了这样的错误，就是把孩子完全托付给学校，以及放松了家里的教育。 I personally think 以及 sounds better than that because in my mind they occur simultaneously and don't have that type of connectivity that 继而 has.

Anyway that's my advice.

[Xiaoyue]

Thank you Muyongshi, your advice is very helpful!

[zozzen]

"有不少家庭的错误是让学校完全的托付他们的孩子，以及放松家里的教育。。。。。。”

i can understand the sentence, but it's quite westernized and gives me google-bot feeling.

here are some examples that the publisher I worked before would ban it, because they say it's not "Chinese".

不少家庭的錯誤是讓學校管孩子, 同時卻放鬆家庭教育 --- if we make a direct translation on "The mistake of many family" into "不少家庭的錯誤" , the editor possibly rejects it.

不少家庭錯誤地認為把孩子托付給學校, 卻放鬆家庭教育 --- it's getting closer, but it's a little bit redundant.

不少家庭把孩子完全交托給學校, 卻放鬆家庭教育. --- the first clause is better now, but my editor would complain the phrase "放鬆家庭教育". The word 放鬆 is usually related with positive meaning, like 放鬆心情, 放鬆管制. "

I'd write :

不少家庭把孩子完全交托給學校, 卻疏於家庭教育.

The word like 錯誤、以及、讓、放鬆 is modified.