Would your mom kill herself to keep you from a marriage?

[wenjing*girl]

I have a good Chinese friend that I have know for alomst 10 years. She has been dating a guy for the last 2 years. She planned to take him back to her home town this Spring Festival to meet the family.

Her mom is adimately against this. She declared that she would kill herself if my friend married this guy. When I asked my friend whether her mom was being dramatic in the ways of old China...or if she would really do it, my friend said that she would do if.

Now, what is the reason that her mom doesn't want her to be with this guy? Here it is: He comes from a "poor" provience. Just this! I can't even wrap my mind around this kind of thinking. It doesn't matter what he does now, or his family's backround, only that he comes from a poor provience.

[gato]

There's probably a part of the story that you're not hearing. Since they've been dating for two years now, the mom must know something more about the guy than just which province he's from.

In Chinese tradition, more kids have killed themselves because of their parents than the other way around. You see it in Chinese novels and plays all the time. I would worry more about your friend than her mom.

[confucius]

I wonder what your friend's mum would do if she brought home a foreigner instead. Of course the laowai would have to be from a rich country like Canada, not some poor nation like Namibia.

So which province in China has the mommy-immolating boyfriends? My guess is Guizhou. Am I right?

[gato]

Tibet, Xinjiang, Qinghai, Shaanxi, Heilongjiang?

[woodcutter]

The province full of disgusting peasants is often the one next door. In Jiangsu they dislike Anhui people. In Zhejiang, Jiangxi people are especially looked down on. Those from further west are simply exotic.

[confucius]

One guess per user ID, please!

At least Anhui has a legitimate history of succesful scholars and merchants. What is Jiangxi famous for other than Jingdezhen porcelain?

It's hard to impress your girlfriend's parents when you are third in a generation of firecracker factory foremen.

Guizhou has long had a bad reputation in China as being among the poorest of the poor provinces. I'm willing to bet a bottle of maotai that is where the poor guy is from.

[bhchao]

What about Henan?

Confucius, your revered province is also home to Mengzi, Mozi, Sun Tzu, Zhang Liang, Zhuge Liang, Wang Xizhi, Zhang Zeduan, and Li Qingzhao.

[wenjing*girl]

Yeah, the guy is from Guizhou. There were actually two reasons....sorry, I forgot to list the other one here.

He also doesn't have a great backround as far as education goes. He was in the army so he didn't go to college.

There is a little more to the story too... My friend and here mom had a fight about a year ago over a job. My friend got her way, and her mom is saying now that she has to give in this time, because she is always a strong willed daughter.

Her mom did attempt suicide a few years ago over a fight with another family member.

[bhchao]

Looks like Guizhou is the poorest province.

http://www.chinabusinessreview.com/public/0305/chinastats.html

[gato]

There is a little more to the story too... My friend and here mom had a fight about a year ago over a job. My friend got her way, and her mom is saying now that she has to give in this time, because she is always a strong willed daughter.

Nice Confucian logic [the other Confucius, confucius!]. But of course, it's not the mom who was going to work in the job or date the boy, so why should she get her way?

I think she's just bluffing about suicide. She's more likely to do it if she feels oppressed by someone higher on the social hierarchy, like her husband or mother-in-law. But because a daughter, no way.

People commit suicide when they feel there's no way out. That happens when they feel oppressed by someone higher on the social hierarchy who controls their lives. They don't commit suicide when they feel their authority is being undermined by a subordinate.

[HashiriKata]

But of course, it's not the mom who was going to work in the job or date the boy, so why should she get her way?

In her thinking, she may be trying to protect her daughter (but whether this helps anyone at all is another matter.)

People commit suicide when they feel there's no way out. That happens when they feel oppressed by someone higher on the social hierarchy who controls their lives. They don't commit suicide when they feel their authority is being undermined by a subordinate.

It's fine logic there, gato, but as logic goes, there are all kinds to suit all people.

There are people who would go all the way just to have their way or simply to make others as miserable as they can. Do you think every person on this earth is as kind, intelligent and well-educated as you are?

[confucius]

See? He's from Guizhou. I WIN!!!

Of course I knew all along that the princess in Yunnan was dating a frog from the neighboring province. I hear these soap opera stories in Qujing all the time.

[gato]

There are people who would go all the way just to have their way or simply to make others as miserable as they can. Do you think every person on this earth is as kind, intelligent and well-educated as you are?

Good point.

See? He's from Guizhou. I WIN!!!

What do you win? Do you get to date the princess? Maybe her mom will like you better.

[owen]

Would i be warped to say that you should urge your friend to marry as soon as possible and rid the world of one more power junkie?

The daughter might be sad for a while but if a woman is willing to cause so much grief in her daughters life there are probably some other people that will welcome her non-existence. A utilitarian suicide.

Perhaps my solution is overly simplistic but still a valid option i think.

[skylee]

I agree with owen, though it is not politically correct.

My own sister always threatens to kill herself when she fights with her husband. Once she tried to jump out of the window from home (14th floor) and I was there to pull her from inside and my brother called the police. (I suspect that she would not have done it if we had not been there.) And this was only one of the incidents. And she is still fighting with her husband, still threatening to kill herself, but is still with her husband, and is still alive. But I don't meet with her any more. I don't think people like this deserve much sympathy.

[wenjing*girl]

Wise confucius,

She's not from Yunnan....so you only get half a win there.

She's from Hainan..

[confucius]

Hainan? HAINAN? You know you're a lowly bastard from Guizhou when even Hainan Island crabs look down on you!

Yeah, somebody said this poor gal's mum might prefer a foreigner like me much better. That's exactly what she needs to do; go find a handsome laowai. Every time I go to some single Chinese girl's home I become the prince on a white horse. The parents get their hopes up high that somehow their daughter is going to marry me instead of that slick Shanghai cell phone salesman that she met through a family introduction. I've even had folks abandon the house after dinner hoping that by leaving me alone with their daughter somehow a Chinese cupid will knock me senseless with a brick from the Great Wall.

Hey, if you're a Caucasian sensation looking to marry a Chinese girl then Hainan Island ain't a bad place to start looking. Coconuts, mangos, beaches and a Chinese soap opera. I know a few guys in Wisconsin who would sign up for that tour!

[wenjing*girl]

""The parents get their hopes up high that somehow their daughter is going to marry me instead of that slick Shanghai cell phone salesman that she met through a family introduction.""

OK, first off I gotta say that's funny lol I wonder if I'm looked at like that as well.... Since I first came to China I have had 4 different proposals for marriage though.... in exchange for money (heh heh) The most I was offered was when I was back in the states actually. I met some people that owned a Chinese restruant and they offered me $20,000 to marry some relative so he could come to America. As romantic as that sounds, I had to turn it down. (sigh)

Hainan girls are supposed to be especially submissive and subservient. It's kinda funny though that her mom is the boss in their family.

side note: Are Wisconsin guys exceptionally sad? Or are there no girls there? I always hear stuff like that said about WI guys. (hang on is that the right abbreviation?...)

[Dav-X]

死給你看 and 死在你面前 is just a common chinese phrase to express strong objection. Only 0.00000001% will take real action i guess.

'Death' can be used associated with many adjectives. 餓死了 (deadly hungry), 擠死了 (crowded deadly), 真要命, 貴得太可怕 (here, the speakers claimed that they would be killed.) 笑到快要斷氣 (here, the speaker would be going to die) ,etc.

[gato]

side note: Are Wisconsin guys exceptionally sad? Or are there no girls there? I always hear stuff like that said about WI guys. (hang on is that the right abbreviation?...)

It's cold up there. They'll feel right at home in Heilongjiang. Hainan would be paradise compared to what they're used to.