Do Chinese children ever go against what their parents say

[pprendeville]

Was away from the village I'm staying (which is near Shijiazhuang) for the last week. On the day I left I asked for electrical cables and a socket to be repaired as it was danggerous for our children. I had asked my wife to say it to her parents. I was promised it would be looked after. On return today, cables and socket were in the same condition, i.e. dangerously exposed.

Apparently, the in-laws had said the cables which are exposed, and just covered by plumbers tape, easily within reach of the children along with a half fried socket, did not pose any dangers to the children. Wife didn't argue with parents and just passed on the information to me when I got back. She doesn't seem to see any danger. This is exactly how accidents happen.

Trying to upload pics. Any suggestions?

[Scandinavian]

I have been wondering this too, I think it rarely happens. To add to OP, does it make any difference if the child is boy or girl.

[pancake]

I think that Chinese to tend to be reactive rather than proactive when it comes to security issues. I'm talking of simple, common-sense security precautions: don't run while holding a knife, don't try to pet carnivorous animals at the zoo, don't smoke next to your pregnant wife, etc. etc. Maybe I'm just too Scandinavian...

[WestTexas]

Chinese parents controlling and brainwashing their children is one of the more pernicious aspects of Chinese society, in my opinion.

[abcdefg]

Glad you managed to escape from that dismal village for a while, even if the electrical problems did not get fixed. It probably was a much needed break.

[skylee]

Why does it sound like you are being demanding and ungrateful under other people's roof? I know you would rather not stay there, but still I suppose your parents-in-law are the heads of the household?

Could you or your wife perhaps handle the cables and socket yourselves? Or hire an electrician to do it?

[Glenn]

That seems like overstepping boundaries more than bringing it up to them to me. I'd be taken aback if someone just started doing renovations to my house without asking me about it, anyway.

[Scandinavian]

Electrocuting children vs. Perhaps annoying in-laws. I see your point in not doing renovation when its not your home, but this is family so everything is shared right ?

[Glenn]

They seem pretty clearly to think it's not a problem, so it would be the same as someone just renovating their home without their permission as far as they're concerned. That just seems more invasive to me than asking them to fix it.

[陳德聰]

Chronicling your stay there has left me kind of interested in the regular dynamic of your relationship with your wife.

As far as I know, Chinese children are rebellious in their teens and when their parents are seniors they do pretty much everything their parents say.

As far as I know, this is pretty much the exact same progression that Canadian families take too, please let me know if you can convince your parents to do things they adamantly do not want to do?

Have you considered being proactive in minding your children at all times? It seems rather odd to have discovered that you essentially are living in a much more dangerous environment than you are used to, and rather than offend someone by going elsewhere, you would prefer to complain about all of the conditions that are essentially set in stone.

I agree with the sentiment voiced by skylee in #6. You are a guest. What do you expect?

To be honest, I was genuinely surprised that anyone with small children would ever agree to stay with in-laws in a Chinese village. My advice is that if it is seriously bothering you so much, you should explain to your wife that she can stay with family and you're going to take the children to a hotel (clearly what you think you are staying in already, as per your description of the situation). I don't see any reason for your in-laws' face to take precedence over your relationship with your wife and your children.

But, I still think that if you just keep a steady watch on your children you should not encounter any electrocution.

[Silent]

I think that Chinese to tend to be reactive rather than proactive when it comes to security issues.

Maybe because security has a different status in China and the Chinese see it from a different perspective? It's very simple a matter of awareness, values and priorities.

Relatively poor/uneducated people will see less dangers then highly educated people. It may very well be seen as no significant danger as few serious accidents happen, 'everyone' does it that way, other dangers are far more profound etc. Safety is a 'luxery' product. Safety costs money, or at least an investment to improve it. People that have relatively little money will view this investment differently from people that have plenty of money. The dangers of unprotected electric cables and the comfort of electric light may very well be (considered as) an improvement on the oil lamps used before.

It's easy to point at all the shortcommings, but to me it's very simple. In a developing country the conditions and priorities are very different from a wealthy western country. Specially if you go to a poor village. It makes no sense to go there with western standards and measure against those.

[gato]

You are a guest. What do you expect?

He is a guest, but guest for six weeks, which makes it difficult for both guest and host. It's much easier to tolerate differences if you are guest for a day than six weeks. I don't think it's about gratefulness or courtesy. It's more about being stuck in a place and not being able to do much about it, and chinese-forums being one of your few outlets to vent a bit.

[abcdefg]

Sounds like a difficult situation, to say the least.

Unfortunately, what may have evolved is a tug of war with you on one side/one team and your wife and her family on the other. The kids are held hostage and used as bargaining chips. This results in arguments like: "We need to do ABC for the sake of the kids" or "The kids might suffer if we don't do XYZ."

[Scandinavian]

...and as abcdefg writes, you wife will always be on her parents team. This must be a big chock for most Europeans as the family structure there emphasizes the bond between husband and wife and in most European families husband and wife will stick together in any arguments against any set of parents.

You cannot teach your in-laws about the cultural differences in a matter of weeks. Their understanding of other cultures than the Chinese is most likely close to nothing. When you are out in the sticks then the cultural influence they will have gotten from outside of China is probably almost zero.

[imron]

you wife will always be on her parents team.

It doesn't have to be like this, and a lot depends on how you approach the situation. Thinking about the situation in terms of teams and sides already contains the seeds of confrontation and anytime you try to solve some problem in China through confrontation then you will be unlikely to have it resolved to your satisfaction *and* maintain harmony between the parties involved.

Speak with the parents and offer to pay for someone to come and fix it - I can't see it costing any great amount. If they refuse (or if you've tried this and they've already refused), you need figure out a way that allows them to back down gracefully from that refusal. As soon as you start arguing about it, you can forget about it getting fixed.

[abcdefg]

Agree with @Imron's insights and suggestions, above.

Living in China has required such maneuvers over and over. They gradually become second nature.

One possible script: "Mister Lao, this is a great little house you have here in Golden Dogshit Village. I've really enjoyed being your guest over the past five weeks. As a small token of appreciation for your hospitality and kindness, I beg you to allow me to bring in an electrician to make a few tiny repairs. It would be my pleasure; it would make my wife and I so happy to honor you in that small way."

[Scandinavian]

also agree with imron. The "team" concept is likely to be in pprendeville's nature as in Europe (his cultural background) you would expect his wife to stand by him, and especially when it comes to matters regarding their children.

an alteration to abcdefg's script would be to not mention bringing in an electrician, but simply offer to fix it, not specifying how.

[imron]

Also, if they still say no, you could always say something like "ok, but how about then we just move this big cabinet in front of the socket while we are staying here, to make sure the kids can't get to it accidentally".

[abcdefg]

#17, #18 -- Yes and yes. Now we are reaching a fruitful approach. Both of those modifications are brilliant.

Problem solving in China is not quite the same as it is in the west. Often requires more finesse.

[jbradfor]

Generalization alert! Stop reading now if you're offended by generalizations.

One more thing to keep in mind is that as a (a) Chinese (b) female growing up in a © small and (d) poor place, odds are she has absolutely no clue about home repair / maintenance [1]. So if her parents say it's not a problem, I would expect that doesn't have the experience / background to make a judgement for herself. So it's her parents' word ("it's fine") against yours ("fix it"). Guess who she will believe more?

Now if you could take a screwdriver and put it in the outlets and show some sparks.....

Do Chinese children ever go against what their parents say

Nope, never, not once in the 4000 years of glorious Chinese history and culture.

[1] EDIT: I should say "Western-style home repair", didn't mean to imply that Chinese don't ever fix their houses.....