One story of a Western girl getting married to a Chinese guy

[xuefang]

 

As I've been a member of this amazing forum since 2004 and now ten years later married my Cantonese guy, Roddy asked me to write a post about my wedding.

 

Ten years ago I was already interested in Chinese even though I started having lessons in 2008. After studying Chinese on the side for three semesters at my university, I got a chance to come to China. Long story short, I've been living in Guangzhou for four years and three months, met my husband in December 2013 2012 and married him this Spring.

 

In China the first step is to get legally married which involves a lot of paper work, luckily I was visiting home before the big day so I could handle my papers in Finland. I needed a single certificate which needed three different stamps/seals: first one from Local Register Offices in Finland that gave me the certificate, second from the Foreign Affairs Ministry of Finland and the last one from the Chinese Embassy in Helsinki.

 

With my fancy single certificate and my husband's ID card [ Edit: and hukou of course] we arrived to the marriage office in Guangzhou on Valentine's day. I had already translated my papers from English to Chinese at the very same office, which only took half an hour, so we were ready to get married. The ceremony was very nice, perhaps a Valentine's day special, and included a lof of photo shooting offered by the marriage office. Later we could purcharce a memory book with nine photos inside.

 

For the Chinese getting your marriage certificates is just getting the legal paperwork done, nothing that special. But for me it was our real wedding day and I surprised my husband with a luxurious hotel room in Westin.

 

Even a bigger day, the next step of getting married, was to have our wedding banquet and a part in the beginning of May. All the Chinese signs told as that 2nd of May would be a terrible day to get married, especially this year. We had a death in the extended family which means you shouldn't get married during the same year. And according to the Chinese calendar that day after May Day was very very unlucky.

 

But my family already had the tickets so there was no changing the schedule. At first my parents-in-law adviced us just to have a small party by our selves, but in the end they ended up inviting 140 guests to our wedding banquet! And no one reminded us on that day how unlucky it was by the calendar.

 

Because of all the changes in the plans and the fact that we were from different countries and cultures, our wedding day was very special.

 

First we had the tea ceremony at home, pouring tea from a Finnish design tea pot. Then it was time for the Chinese wedding banquet at noon, which usually happens at the evening! I didn't wear the traditional 龙凤袍 bride attaire, but wore a red qipao 旗袍 instead.

 

After the Chinese wedding we head to an apartment hotel to start our Finnish party. We had Western buffet, Western music, Western wedding games and I wore a beautiful white wedding gown. We only invited 35 people to attend the party and I was so happy to see that my husband's family stayed later than they have originally planned. It was great to offer them a completely different exprience.

 

There would be a million things I could share with you about getting married to a Chinese guy, planning an international wedding to spending my days with my Cantonese husband. You can find out more about the wedding on my blog, atm still at the first page. See my signature below.

 

If anyone has any questions or stories or expriences to share about Chinese weddings, please continue the discussion here

[roddy]

Aw, Sara, I'm reaching for the tissues and I haven't even read your post yet. 

 

I know you're not the most active member on here. But you've been visiting us for a decade, and you've gone from this (sorry, that's a bit like getting the baby photos out) to doing a degree and getting married in China. And it's been great fun to watch.

 

Congratulations to you both, and I'm looking forward to whatever you get up to next. I'm sure everyone else will echo that. 

[xuefang]

I've always been the one who prefers to listen more and speak less, sometimes that translates to reading a massive amount of posts on the forum and writing just a one my self. I'll try to write more actively for the next 10 years though!

 

Haha, I had completely forgotten that post of mine! I think I've got the tone change of 不 mastered by now ;)

 

For what happens next, that would be to start my masters in teaching Chinese at Sun Yat-Sen University as I'm most probably getting the Confucius institue scholarship for that. After those two years I hope to open a one woman company and start teaching the language to Finns and Finnish companies around China.

 

One short term goal is to pass the 普通话水平测试, more about that in this topic: http://www.chinese-forums.com/index.php?/topic/13829-chinese-exams/

 

Thank you for everything Roddy!

[Lu]

I actually saw that post on your blog a few days ago. Congratulations! The party sounded like a lot of fun. And you look so lovely in the photos, if you don't mind me saying so.

[renzhe]

Congrats!

[Meng Lelan]

roddy's analogy of baby photos was awesome and the wedding post more so. This has to rank one of the unique "wow" posts I've seen here in a decade. 

[roddy]

Aw, seems a lot of people are liking your post but are too shy to say 'congrats'. Too uptight and unemotional, this forum is....

 

What did your parents think of it all? Obviously they would have been happy for you, but at the same time it wouldn't have been the wedding they'd have imagined you having. How did all the relatives get on (and did you spend your wedding day translating?)

[Meng Lelan]

Uh, ah, well,  I thought the Europeans were supposed to be controlled and restrained? Ok, never mind, I'll go first with all American exuberance:

 

白頭偕老！！！！！！！！！

[Sydney Matt]

First, congratulations! Sounds like it was a fun, special day.

And a second congratulations on getting the paperwork done in one day. Took me and my now Chinese wife four visits to the office, which is located *way* outside the city centre. First time, we forgot to bring my wife's 户口本 - fair enough. Second time, this was what really delayed things. That 'single status' certificate you talked about and got stamped by three different offices - I did exactly the same thing while I was back in Australia for a break, officially translated into Chinese too. But was told this was no use, instead they wanted a 'stat dec' 未结婚证明 stamped by the Australian consulate in China. Essentially, it's a letter I wrote myself, saying 'my name is such-and-such and I swear I'm single, never been married'. Yes, for some reason, despite the fact this letter doesn't prove anything, it was more acceptable tham an actual certificate from the Registry of Births, Deaths & Marriages. Meant a one day trip to Chengdu, since there is no Australian consulate in Kunming. Third time, we got there about 3.30 or 4 in the afternoon, were told 'not enough time to do it today' (we understood this as code for, 'we finish work at 5pm exactly, and want to make sure we do). Fourth and final time: success!

[xuefang]

Thank you Lu, renzhe, Meng Lelan and Sydney Matt!

 

What did your parents think of it all? Obviously they would have been happy for you, but at the same time it wouldn't have been the wedding they'd have imagined you having. How did all the relatives get on (and did you spend your wedding day translating?)

 

My parents used to live few years in Beijing right before I was born, they actually moved back to Finland to give birth to me. I had my first Chinese boyfriend in Finland and the second when I moved to Guangzhou. As my husband is the lucky third, my parents pretty much guessed I would settle down with a Chinese guy. What came as a surprise was how quickly we decided to marry, meeting in December 2013 and getting married in February 2014.

 

I had my mom, little sister, one of my two little brothers and my sister's boyfriend to come to Guangzhou for the wedding After the week here my mom said she was very relieved to know I had chosen a good man.

 

I didn't have time to be the translator on my wedding day My sister-in-laws husband can speak some English and I also had Chinese-English speaking friends who helped my family to understand what was going on.

 

@Sydney Matt I was bit surprised how well everything went and how easy it was to get married in Guangzhou. By now I have pretty much done all my paperwork and once this final paper arrives to Finland I will be married legally there as well.

 

I got a private message about the wedding, but I don't mind answering the questions here.

 

If I may be so bold as to ask, can you give me a ballpark number of how much your wedding cost, and how much did you get back in Hong Bao.

 

Chinese wedding banquets start about 1300 to 1800RMB per a table for ten people. Of course the sum can go much higher if you marry in in the city center of a big city and choose an expensive hotel. I guess the sky is the limit.

 

Also, if you have the chance to do it all over, what things did you do that would not do, and what thing you did not do that you would do.

 

I really gotta say the day was just perfect! Can think of a anything I would change. Surely I stressed a bit too much on some decoration stuff before it, but that's just what we brides tend to do

 

I think, or hope, that our wedding will be much smaller than your, since only my parents would attend from my side.

 

Well, you can always hope! I only had four family members there and 15 friends, so most of the guests on the banquet were invited by my husbands parents. And our 15 table wedding banquet is considered very small.

[大肚男]

Thank you very much for replying, and again congratulations, and I wish you a happy and long married bliss, full of love and success

[imron]

Congratulations!

[tysond]

Congrats on your marriage and thanks for sharing the story!

[xuexiansheng]

Congratulations!

[Steingletscher]

Congratulations. Hopefully the Visa gods are kind to you now.

By the way, I think you talked about your then boyfriend sometime before December 2013. That seems far too quick.

[edelweis]

Congratulations Xuefang

[hedwards]

Congratulations.

[laurenth]

Parhaat onnitteluni! Kuvat ja tarina ovat ihania!

[xuefang]

Thank you 大肚男, imron, tysond, xuexiansheng, steingletscher, edelweis and hedwards. Kiitos laurenth!

 

Hopefully the Visa gods are kind to you now. By the way, I think you talked about your then boyfriend sometime before December 2013. That seems far too quick.

 

I got a two year spousal residence permit so that will last until April 2016, it seems that I managed to got to years because my husband's hukou is in Guangzhou where we live. Others have reported getting only a one year residence permit.

 

Yes, I met my husband few months after parting ways with my ex. I don't want to sound overly naive and romantic, but when you meet the one, he just wipes you off your feet ;)

[大肚男]

Actually Xuefang, that's kinda my situation.

 

My girlfriend and I are getting married after being together for about a year. which is much shorter than my last three relationships.

 

Sometimes I feel that all the previous relationships prepare you (and wear down your defenses, haha), so the effect is pretty cumulative.