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Help, I will take IELTS, please read my composition !

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Guest nitrogen

Help, I will take IELTS, please read my composition and instruct me in wrong usage. At the same time, I hope you can give me some suggestions or good ideas. I'll appreciate you very much.

topic:What are the advantages and disadvantages of the TV set?

Everything has own two sides in this world. Without exception, there are advantages and disadvantages brought by TV set. Since the television was invented many years ago, it has developed rapidly. In my part, advantages outweigh disadvantages as my incline.

It is well known that television shows us a vivid world but you don’t go out or abroad, at the same time; you may sit in front of the TV set with your family and sock. You can know the different culture in West Country or in orient country, such as tea culture, how to use chopsticks, etc. You can know various views in the world, such as the Great Wall in China, the National Park in USA, etc. Television is considered the best way to educate children and the highly efficient power of nation. You can choose every channel you like; women always like a lasting love play and men like news. In particular, important events are often broadcast live so that audiences feel as if they were participating.

On the other hand, television can be also harmful, especially to children who don’t have enough experience to make a clear distinction between fantasy and reality. They want to imitate what they see, which sometimes is dangerous. They believe the violence is normal and acceptable. This may be the reason why “television generation” is more violent than their parents. But it is not the television’s fault. We should instruct them in handling these things correctly.

On the whole, television has glorious prospect. We will enjoy it than anytime.

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pfff

Ill point out some obvious things:

"there are advantages and disadvantages brought by TV sets."

"In my part, advantages outweigh disadvantages as my incline. " - are you trying to say 'in my opinion' ? '..as my incline' doesnt make sense, 'In my part' should be 'for my part' and it sounds silly to say 2 variations of 'in my opinion' in the same sentence.

"It is well known that television shows us a vivid world without going out or abroad"

"at the same time; you may sit in front of the TV set with your family and sock" - I really like this part of the sentence.

It has just occured to me that I should not do your homework for you. Ill stop now, good luck and dont start a sentence with "You can know..."

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Guest nitrogen

In any case, I really appreciate your help. You are so humorous that I can feel your kindness. Because my poor English always has me to shame, your humour make me so easiest. Because my small quantity of reading or writing, I often don't know how to start a sentence or finish my composition. In fact, you indicate some sentences which are bad in my composition. I imitate my model essay. However, those sentences which you like are my freedom of idea. Of course, maybe I don't remember those model sentences at all; so I write it wrong. :)

I get so little your private information. As a Chinese girl, I accept so warm kindness from a foreigner at first. Thank you! Thank you for your reply. 8)

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Guest nitrogen

I am so complaint! That model sentence is "In my part, I prefer A rather than B as my inclination."

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pfff

Im sorry to confuse you, but the sentence i said i liked doesnt make sense. I said i liked it because it was amusing. I was just making a funny.

'As a Chinese girl, I accept so warm kindness from a foreignor at first.'

How do you know i'm a foreigner?

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zhugeliang

Geez, pfff, don't be mean :)

nitrogen, I understand what your essay is trying to say, but the sentence structure doesn't feel natural. I myself am not a great writer, but I will try to help you with what you have written, to make it sound more natural.

"Everything has own two sides in this world." - change to "Everything has two sides in this world."

"TV sets" as pfff pointed out

I would replace "In my part, advantages outweigh disadvantages as my incline." with "In my opinion, the advantages outweight the disadvantages."

"family and sock" doesn't make sense - bad translation? "sock" is something you wear on your feet in English. Pfff is right that it sounds a little amusing (no offense :D ).

"You can know the different culture in West Country or orient country" I would replace with "You can learn about the cultures of western or oriental countries".

I would try to avoid using "etc." in awritten composition - it makes sense but "etc." is probably not a good idea for an essay - it's very informal.

"can be also" makes more sense as "can also be" - yes, I know English is a very weird language sometimes - as a general rule I think you can always say "can also be" instead of "can be also", and it will sound more natural to English speakers.

"On the other hand, television can be also harmful, especially to children who don't have enough experience ot make a clear distinction between fantasy and reality" - besides the "can also be" thing, this is a very good sentence! Not too simple, it sounds natural, and makes sense.

"glorious prospect" sounds very unnatural - maybe try "has many advantages" or something? "We will enjoy it anytime" sounds a little awkward too - I would try merging both of these last sentences into something like "On the whole, television is a good thing for us all to enjoy, so long as we are instructed to handle its bad effects as children"... or something like that.

All in all the sentence structure is good, I think some of these quirks will come if you talk in person to English speakers more, but posting online like this can help too. Don't take my criticism as complaints - your English a LOT better than my Chinese, so good job so far! If you have any questions about my comments, feel free to ask, and I'll try to help explain better :)

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Guest nitrogen

I must talk about "sock". In my composition, I try to describe a warm scene. You know when people are watching TV they always like to eat something, like chocolate, popcorn. So I use "sock". I know its original mean but finding another mean in my dictionary. It can express "eat somthing, like chocolate, popcorn." I use it and I don't know my silly action or wrong expression. :(

Your writing is so good that I can feel it. I think your suggestion is useful to me. I need to practice a lot. I am very sorry for disturbing you. Ha, I guess you're Asian and accept higher education. :)

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Tsunku

snack, I think, is the word you're looking for, not sock.

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zhugeliang

hmm - I don't know of any other meanings. It might be an error in the dictionary, or maybe it's a very uncommon use - I'm not sure. Don't worry about it being silly - my Chinese isn't even good enough for me to be silly yet, right now if I write anything much more complicated than "ni hao ma" it won't make any sense.. I'm just trying to help.

Practice is the best teacher! And you didn't disturb me, it's fine... we're all just trying to learn here :) By the way, I am American - Chinese history & culture interests me, that is why I use this name - but I've lived in America all my life, and my ancestors are from Europe.

Also, was your subject line calling me a pig?! I don't mean any offense by my criticism, just trying to help - I hope you don't mean that seriously! :?

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Guest nitrogen

I would rather call those people I like or feel cuter "pig". "Pig" is very cute and represents happy in my hometown or in my mind. It's my lucky pet. Absolutely no offence.

You're so kind I can feel. You always try to find any flash point in my composition and encourage me. In fact, I know it's very difficult. I can read some complicated sentences but I seldom use it.

Zhugeliang is one of the most famous men in ancient. He is noted for his wisdom. I respect him for his ability in devising strategies within a command tent. Is this reason you like him or call yourself zhugeliang? :)

Christmas is coming. Of course Spring festival also is coming. :lol: Time always pass so quickly. :( I am very nice to meet you. Here, I wish you happiness for ever. Merry Christmas! pfff, my friend, Merry Christmas too! If you want to learn about some cultures of China, I will try my best to help me. Of course, my pleasure! I am a teacher teaching some computer courses including Data Structure and Operation System in NJTV University. see your relay again! :D

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confucius

TV or not TV? That is the question. We live in a world where every technological advance can be perceived to have advantages and disadvantages. Since the invention of the television before liberation, society has adopted it as a prominent part of family. In my humble opinion, the many advantages of television viewing heavily outweigh the unfortunate disadvantages that we witness from time to time.

It is common knowledge that television broadens our horizons in the comfort of our home. You can sit in front of the TV set with your family and remove your shoes while eating snacks that you saw advertised on TV commercials. You can learn about different cultures in East and West, such as tea ceremony and how to use chopsticks. You can see magnificent views of the world, including the Great Wall of China and Yellowstone National Park in USA.

Television is considered one of the best ways to educate children and empower our great nation. You can choose any channel or show that you like; women always like a lasting love drama and men enjoy news and football. In particular, important current events are often broadcast live so that audiences can feel as if they are participating.

On the other hand television can be also harmful, especially to children who don’t have enough experience to make a clear distinction between fantasy and reality. They often want to imitate what they see, which can sometimes be dangerous. They believe that violence is normal and acceptable . This may be the reason why the modern “television generation” is more violent than their grandparents. Yet it is not the television’s fault. Parents should instruct children in handling violence correctly.

Despite bad shows and violent cartoons, television still has abundant glorious prospects. We will enjoy it anytime we wish to enlighten ourselves or simply escape reality with a bag of hami melon flavored popcorn.

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pfff

"You can learn about different cultures in East and West, such as tea ceremony"

tea ceremonies / the tea ceremony :roll:

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Guest nitrogen

I will regard your composition as my model composition. I will read it word by word. It must spend much your time. Thank you very much.

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roddy

I'll move this topic, as it's not really at home in the Reading forum. Good luck with the exam, nitrogen - I'm helping a friend of mine prepare for it at the moment.

Roddy

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Guest nitrogen

robby, I am sorry for posting my composition in Reading Forum. But if you give me some time I will lead my topic about reading. You know I very like this forum where I make my idea flying. I feel everybody here so kind. If I break the rule of this forum, please tell me. I will take active in cooperating. Please tell me my topic can post where?

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roddy

Hi nitrogen,

Don't worry, it's ok here now. The site is mainly for discussing Chinese things - I am happy for people to discuss other things, but it makes the site easier to use if it is seperate.

Roddy

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Guest nitrogen

thank you, roddy! I must post article with the most healthy content. Next, I must talk about the culture of China. kiss you! :D

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confucius

Hey! Where's my kiss? How about showing some love for Confucius? Must I compose a classical Chinese examination essay about the brilliance of CCTV programming? My god! What does a man have to do these days just to get a little peck on the cheek from a chick in China?

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roddy
What does a man have to do these days just to get a little peck on the cheek from a chick in China?

First step is to not complain when you don't get one. Nobody likes a complainer . . .

Roddy

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Guest nitrogen

Confucius!

First, I plan to give you a surprise a few days later. Please keep your patience.

Second, I am not a chick. You forgot I had ever mentioned of my occupation- a teacher in NJTV university. So, I am mature.

Third, Your heart is so young! HeHe!

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