Jump to content
Chinese-forums.com
Learn Chinese in China

Marrying a black guy - mum won't accept - Advice?


Tingting27
 Share

Recommended Posts

Site Sponsors:
Pleco for iPhone / Android iPhone & Android Chinese dictionary: camera & hand- writing input, flashcards, audio.
Study Chinese in Kunming 1-1 classes, qualified teachers and unique teaching methods in the Spring City.
Learn Chinese Characters Learn 2289 Chinese Characters in 90 Days with a Unique Flash Card System.
Hacking Chinese Tips and strategies for how to learn Chinese more efficiently
Popup Chinese Translator Understand Chinese inside any Windows application, website or PDF.
Chinese Grammar Wiki All Chinese grammar, organised by level, all in one place.

Now, my mother is proud of what I have achieved, and has conveniently forgotten that she did not want me to go. She talks about how she was 100% supportive etc. etc. We've ignored the fact that she once told me that if my parents were to divorce, I would be the cause. I was ten. We've ignored the fact that she's disowned me. Twice. I love my mother, but sometimes, I don't much like her.

I really laughed when I read this part of your post because I've lived and seen this scene countless times over the years.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tingting27;

Unfortunately, some us of have parents that have 'issues.'  Sometimes, their understanding of relationships, and the world in general, have never evolved beyond a certain point in their lives. It is always a startling revelation for adults to realize that they and their parents "are no longer on the same page." Apparently you find yourself in this situation, as I did with  my parents. 

 

Whether you know it or not, you have reached the conclusion of your relationship with your parents (on a transparent level). Your siblings accept your beau, and your boyfriend's parents and family accept you. In this matter, it is time to follow your heart and mind, and not your mother's voice and point of view, to guide you in this decision. Good luck.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Your mother is seeing the differences not the similarities.

Overseas Nigerians are generally hard working, entrepreneral, multilingual, confident and loving of their family and culture. They also have went through racism, marginalisation and cultureshock.

Overseas Cantonese are generally hard working, entrepreneral, multilingual, confident and loving of their family and culture. They also have went through racism, marginalisation and cultureshock.

I think you should take a gradual approach, start with pictures of him with his family. Especially ones with older or younger relatives. Have them see other Chinese people treat him with friendliness and respect. If you are to meet, meet for lunch at the weekend instead of an evening dinner, as people are more scared at nights, as they are obviously a bit scared of black people. Teach him a few basic polite phrases in Cantonese, this'll at least show he is interested.

*edit* I should mention I'm not African, so YMMV

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

The people I know who had an interracial marriage without their parents consent, their mother's accepted their relationship AFTER they had a baby. They wanted to be a part of the babies life and retook the chance to bond family ties.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 year later...

@tingting27

Good to know things are working out. Although it shouldn't need an exam to gain acceptance, yes, you have 'grown up' to be a professional. In this respect, I have had a similar experience. I put it down to a massive 'face' thing for Chinese parents. Did your sister attend your engagement party?

When you do get married, there will be the customary invites for the registry office and banquet. You might worry about your mother attending. I think she will attend but not say a word. Try not to be overly concerned about whatever she decides as that is her decision.

At my cousins wedding, her "father-in-law" had left the family leaving very small children and kept minimal contact. Of course there was a lot of resentment and consideration of not inviting him to the wedding of the son he was never part of. In the end, the FIL was still invited; he came, was ignored by all and quietly left the banquet. Everybody saved 'face'.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tingting, I'm afraid I can't approve of your choices. Those are Lola's cupcakes, when the Hummingbird is far superior. 

 

Many thanks for coming back to update us - sounds like things are going well and hopefully will go even better. And if the lad's learning Chinese, send him our way for some help...

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Tingting, I'm afraid I can't approve of your choices. Those are Lola's cupcakes, when the Hummingbird is far superior.

 

Well I have spent 5 minutes scratching my head and searching the net and I still can't make sense of this sentence. :help

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and select your username and password later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Click here to reply. Select text to quote.

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...