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Tingting27

Marrying a black guy - mum won't accept - Advice?

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Shelley

Excellent post yueni, very glad to see you have come out of it well and happy and thank you for sharing with Tingting27. Lets hope it helps.

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French

Now, my mother is proud of what I have achieved, and has conveniently forgotten that she did not want me to go. She talks about how she was 100% supportive etc. etc. We've ignored the fact that she once told me that if my parents were to divorce, I would be the cause. I was ten. We've ignored the fact that she's disowned me. Twice. I love my mother, but sometimes, I don't much like her.

I really laughed when I read this part of your post because I've lived and seen this scene countless times over the years.

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Wang7

Tingting27;

Unfortunately, some us of have parents that have 'issues.'  Sometimes, their understanding of relationships, and the world in general, have never evolved beyond a certain point in their lives. It is always a startling revelation for adults to realize that they and their parents "are no longer on the same page." Apparently you find yourself in this situation, as I did with  my parents. 

 

Whether you know it or not, you have reached the conclusion of your relationship with your parents (on a transparent level). Your siblings accept your beau, and your boyfriend's parents and family accept you. In this matter, it is time to follow your heart and mind, and not your mother's voice and point of view, to guide you in this decision. Good luck.

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AlexBlackman

Your mother is seeing the differences not the similarities.

Overseas Nigerians are generally hard working, entrepreneral, multilingual, confident and loving of their family and culture. They also have went through racism, marginalisation and cultureshock.

Overseas Cantonese are generally hard working, entrepreneral, multilingual, confident and loving of their family and culture. They also have went through racism, marginalisation and cultureshock.

I think you should take a gradual approach, start with pictures of him with his family. Especially ones with older or younger relatives. Have them see other Chinese people treat him with friendliness and respect. If you are to meet, meet for lunch at the weekend instead of an evening dinner, as people are more scared at nights, as they are obviously a bit scared of black people. Teach him a few basic polite phrases in Cantonese, this'll at least show he is interested.

*edit* I should mention I'm not African, so YMMV

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陳德聰

I don't think you should play into the idea that "Overseas Nigerians are generally ..." and "Overseas Cantonese are generally ..." as if this type of weird race-based generalization is okay when you are using good qualities.

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AlexBlackman

marginalisation and cultureshock are good?

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Pokarface

The people I know who had an interracial marriage without their parents consent, their mother's accepted their relationship AFTER they had a baby. They wanted to be a part of the babies life and retook the chance to bond family ties.

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陳德聰

That's fantastic! Thank you for sharing your success story with us :)

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Shelley

Glad you are happy and it was lovely to see your smiling faces, Thank you for the picture :)

 

Thanks for the update.

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Tianjin42

Congratulations and well done persevering.

Lots of luck.

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Flickserve

@tingting27

Good to know things are working out. Although it shouldn't need an exam to gain acceptance, yes, you have 'grown up' to be a professional. In this respect, I have had a similar experience. I put it down to a massive 'face' thing for Chinese parents. Did your sister attend your engagement party?

When you do get married, there will be the customary invites for the registry office and banquet. You might worry about your mother attending. I think she will attend but not say a word. Try not to be overly concerned about whatever she decides as that is her decision.

At my cousins wedding, her "father-in-law" had left the family leaving very small children and kept minimal contact. Of course there was a lot of resentment and consideration of not inviting him to the wedding of the son he was never part of. In the end, the FIL was still invited; he came, was ignored by all and quietly left the banquet. Everybody saved 'face'.

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roddy

Tingting, I'm afraid I can't approve of your choices. Those are Lola's cupcakes, when the Hummingbird is far superior. 

 

Many thanks for coming back to update us - sounds like things are going well and hopefully will go even better. And if the lad's learning Chinese, send him our way for some help...

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Shelley
Tingting, I'm afraid I can't approve of your choices. Those are Lola's cupcakes, when the Hummingbird is far superior.

 

Well I have spent 5 minutes scratching my head and searching the net and I still can't make sense of this sentence. :help

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imron

The picture has a box of cupcakes from "Lola's". It seems Roddy is cupcake-ist and prefers the ones from the Hummingbird (presumably another shop that makes cupcakes).

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Lu

Thanks for that update, and so happy to read that things are going well for you now!

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Shelley

Well I never :) Cupcake wars.

 

Mmmm cupcakes, I am off in search of cupcakes now, any cupcake in a storm. :)

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Demonic_Duck

I love a happy ending! Great to hear that things are going well for you. :D

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