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Breaking the Exchange Student Barrier


jobm

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I have to say Takeshi, this is one hell of a story. I take my hat off to you. I will definitively retell your story if I'm being given the chance to.

Way to go dude.

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Johnny20270
 I'm also a very unattractive fat nerdy virgin loser guy

 

 

 

hahaha I laughed at that bit. Works well for a language partner I guess, they see you as a 'nice guy'. 

 

(Sh#t complement if you are trying to date them  :D )

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Takeshi, I'd like you to ask that Japanese girl out for dinner...tell her this guy who runs some website liked something you wrote, and gave you a free dinner. But you have nobody to take.... I'll Paypal you reasonable costs....

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Awesome story. It takes guts to pull that off, to make yourself vulnerable like that, but I can see how it would work great.

I once had a serious crush (non-language-related) on a chubby, nerdy, short guy who was, by his own account, not very experienced with women. Don't lose heart. (It didn't work out, he turned me down.)

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@Takeshi hats off to you, dude! I admire your optimism, really. You are one of the coolest guys I know.

 

Just think of this.. if you had a Chinese girlfriend, would you stll rather talk to other speakers that much? Probably not. Instead, you even gained more than what you had wanted to and you have made a lot of Chinese friends which for me is more important than having only one girlfriend. Imagine, if that one Chinese girl breaks up with you, you would end up with nobody else to practice Chinese HAHAHA. :D

 

In my experience, I often find it easier to talk to the elders and to those who are working like our hotel's receptionist or to the ayi at the canteen. I promise next semester I would find more ways to meet with Chinese.

 

Guys, have you tried that shake shake something in wechat?

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Why don't you just try to make friends with people? It is challenging because it takes more than exotic looks to build a friendship with a person from a different culture. However, it is an extremely rewarding experience and you will understand much more about China. 

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anonymoose

How do you know that nobody wants you to be "there"?

 

I'll give you credit for posting your story, but I think many of your problems may stem from your own attitude. By that I mean that if you see yourself as a "loser", then of course other people will also.

 

I guess that putting on the act of loser provides you with a way to justify to yourself being treated as a loser - "I was being like that deliberately" - but I don't think it will be advantageous to you in the long run.

 

I see many fat ugly men here with often good-looking women. The difference is that usually they think of themselves as the pinnacle of success. If you exude an air of confidence, then other people will respect you (even if they don't all like you).

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:clap

 

I agree. Be confident Takeshi!

 

It's easy to hide behind this mask of a loveable loser, but you are avoiding the little effort it would take you to show the world how really wonderful you are. 

 

 

 

Don't worry too much about getting "friends" either actually. I mean, again, if you are able to get friends then that's great but, you shouldn't really expect people to just be friends with you because realistically that's not going to happen.

 

Why not?

The only thing you need to make friends with Chinese people is to overcome the prejudices you have towards them. Like the one about Chinese guys playing computer games all the time. 

Don't run away from meaningful relationship with Chinese friends. It will also help you with your Chinese. After a while, "你是什么专业的?" gets boring and in order to speak real Chinese you will need to have real Chinese friends. 

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Thanks, Takeshi! With only a semester left, I would like to make the best out of it to make good and lasting friendships with the Chinese people <3 依依不舍离开中国 :(

 

As what I have read from a blog before and based from my experience, learning a foreign language does not only encompass the 4 basic skills which are reading, listening, speaking, and writing. But most importantly, for me, learning a foreign language is knowing ourselves more and a chance for all of us to improve our self-esteem and become better persons. I also have personal issues and I think learning Chinese makes me overcome them one-by-one. So, dude, I believe when we have crossed our borders, take a deep breath, and believe more in ourselves and in what we could do, our Chinese will really have a breakthrough :D By then, the 美女 will be the ones chasing us HAHA!

 

I just can't wait for winter to end, I don't want to stay in my room all day long :D :D :D

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Not sure if Takeshi lacks confidence, or if he doesn't realise just how much confidence he has... It takes guts and 厚脸皮 to put yourself out there.

Regardless of whether he has confidence, the advice is sound. Don't hold out for soulmates and best friends, just spend time with whoever is willing to spend time with you, even if you wouldn't always have picked that person/group in other circumstances. You may or may not make great friends, but at least you'll talk to people.

The only thing you need to make friends with Chinese people is to overcome the prejudices you have towards them.

I agree that prejudices are stupid, but it takes more than this to make friends. Both of you need to have enough time, and be willing to spend it together. Some commonalities help, as does the ability to communicate. To really become friends, you need to like each other. There are plenty of people that I have no prejudices against but that I just don't particularly want to spend time with.
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I agree with Takeshi on his advice not to take yourself that seriously. I would add more optimism, who says it's impossible to do something. 

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My point is, it's not impossible to find a person you enjoy spending time with. Although when in a foreign country and learning a new language, maybe it's better to talk to people without hoping that your other half is around the corner. 

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My point is, it's not impossible to find a person you enjoy spending time with.

I agree. It takes time though, and as I read Takeshi's advice, it's more like: don't be picky about who you talk to, because talking to someone you don't like is better than not talking at all. Of course, talking to someone you do like is better still.
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