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Angelina

Where to go after studying in China

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Flickserve

And I went out yesterday evening. Met a Chinese guy:

-Oh, you look too skinny for a European.

Bye bye China

what is wrong with that? You have 50% obesity in the US, near that figure for Australia, UK is talking about having a sugar tax to combat obesity. It's easy to see why that stereotype labelling occurs when nearly 50% of Caucasians will be overweight.

Stereotypes are all around in life. Chinese get labelled as noisy, impolite, unable to queue etc. I just returned from the UK and heard English people making comments about the Chinese.

The most orderly queue I saw was at Heathrow airport for the VAT returns. Full of Chinese tourists behaving very well. But an English group of people still made comments about the Chinese.

Happens all over the world. It's a fact of life.

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Angelina

You are right. Everyone is judging everyone. It's better not to live abroad. 

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Flickserve

You are right. Everyone is judging everyone. It's better not to live abroad.

Some have difficulty working out where they belong to.

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Angelina

Hm. If it wasn't for all the other people judging us, it would have been easy. I am supposed to be a fat American/British girl and a poor girl from Bangladesh at the same time. Or a character from that film Taken. Identity issues.

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abcdefg

#38 -- Angelina --

 

All of a sudden. He writes this:

 

  - 你是杭州本地人吗?

 

I tell him I am from Macedonia. 

 

Big change in his behavior. He starts getting cold and distant.

 

Don't you think this Danish guy might have just been looking for a Chinese friend instead of a Western one?

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Angelina

Sorry Roddy, won't happen again.

@abcdefg this was Tinder, AFTER he swiped right.

Do many non-Chinese guys in China do that? Do they prefer a Chinese girlfriend that will help them with their Mandarin and with networking in China?

Does it happen outside of China too?

In China, I have only been with Chinese. I thought it's because there are many Chinese men and not that many non-Chinese men. Is it? Will I be forced to become Chinese one day because there are no other options?

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Flickserve

I think you take it too personally. I had an incident in UK where a woman was sitting in my booked seat on the train and claimed she could sit there because the paper saying the seat was reserved wasn't on the seat. Of course, she could have removed it before I came. She wouldn't give up the seat, forcing me to sit away from my children. I am ethnic Chinese but UK born bred and educated. Do I take it as treating nonEuropean face badly or her being a nasty person herself. When the train conductor came, I confirmed that it was my seat she was sitting in. She didn't want to leave it but I said I wanted that seat I had booked. She asked me again if I really wanted it. I said of course because I want to sit with my kids who are 10 and 6 years old. She reluctantly moved. Why did she have to act that way... I don't take it personally, or should I....

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roddy

Thanks, Angelina.

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Angelina

Of course, it does not mean all people behave that way.

I just wanted to write about that because it reminded me of my fear of being treated differently because of my passport. For some, I will be an expat, for others an immigrant.

I guess we should do what makes us happy because there might be some people around us judging us no matter what.

Another thing I have realized is that the people around us don't have to mean the country (government). If you are happy with the people you interact with every day, it is ok, no matter what the public opinion is like in the constituency (or whatever they have in China).

Also, maybe I was running away from home. Instead of fixing the broken parts of the system, I was looking for a better system (maybe the stereotype for the Balkans is true). Only to realize there are some problems here too. Chinese education is not so good when you compare it with other parts of the world. I like how they are investing a lot in education though, the atmosphere is not negative. I still haven't decided what to do next. I will definitely consider the people I am going to be around. Maybe dating is important too. We should work on ourselves, even if one town is good for your career, if you never go out, or if you never date- you will not feel like you have made the right choice. I honestly don't feel like the nightlife in China is what I need in my life. I will see. Hm, so if you don't feel your life is fulfilling enough, maybe you should leave. I might even drop out of my program. It's just one piece of paper. Is that piece of paper more important than the quality of my life? I guess not.

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Lu

Dating is often a numbers game. The Danish guy might have turned you down because he had a prejudice about Balkan women, or because he was specifically looking for a Chinese woman, or because he coincidentally met his True Love shortly after right-swiping you, or for whatever other reason and you'll never know. If you let every guy who turns you down get to you like that, you'll be both single and unhappy for a very long time. Most potential romances don't work out, you just need to keep looking until you find one that does.

 

Additionally, dating is not easy for Western women in China. There are of course plenty of women who find their true love/one-night stand/pleasant relationship in Asia, but many more who don't have much luck. This is largely due to circumstances, not to these women themselves, and almost all women who don't have much luck in Asia find better luck elsewhere. You might well be one of them. In that case, you can consider concentrating on work, study, friends and interesting experiences, and shelve the search for romance for a bit.

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Angelina

Hm hm it's easy to date Chinese guys, there are so many people here.

http://m.xiami.com/song/1008332

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Flickserve

Holiday and a break is good advice.

I agree with that comment about the circumstances that Lu mentioned.

Try to smile and be happy. Helping people with small favours wins friends. Keep the ones who don't appreciate it at a distance.

Having a hobby (-ies) is good. I do sports to a high level. It helps me a lot in making friends. I just met a famous HK musician through it. I didn't know the guy at all and just treat him like any other person to enjoy company with. Maybe we will become friends, maybe not. Who knows?

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Angelina

A friend from Guangdong did invite me to visit her and travel to HK. An another one from my country told me about a job opportunity near where I live. I don't know what to do. Also, there is an 义工 opportunity in 云南 this month.

But I don't know. I want to go home. I never had much passion for China.

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Angelina

I am definitely interested in what I am doing. However, the only reason I chose China was because things back home were not that nice, I wanted a better environment. Here I am. Totally 无所谓 about Chinese culture. So maybe when people judge me they are right. What am I doing in a place I don't care about?

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Flickserve

Since you have invested a lot of time on your studies, why don't you complete it first? It's value may not be apparent now. I have a Masters degree from the University of Hong Kong. They even gave a me a distinction. It's a good topic for conversation and I am a peer reviewer for a journal through it (but that came a number of years later). Can't say that it increased my earning power but I am still happy having achieved it.

Jobs come and go. However, not finishing a degree when you have put all that effort in will live for you forever. it would have to be an excellent job offer.

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Angelina

Yeah I am enrolled in a master's degree program too. You have a point. Because of my studies I met someone who is working for the University of Hong Kong a few months ago. That scholar is really good. Really good. If it wasn't for my studies, I would never have had the chance to talk to him.

But I still feel tired of everything. I would rather go back home and make some changes than stay here and pretend I love China. I mean, I love China, but I was never into it the way other people are.

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Flickserve

Finish your degree but don't pretend to love China. Your home country will still be around when you finish. And do take a holiday.

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Angelina

Thanks :(

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