Assertive female co-worker....

[Lu]

No matter how China has changed or how open minded the Chinese girls have become, assertive girls are not the “mainstream”.

It's not unheard-of either though. At my last job, a Dutch guy started at the same time as I did. At least three female Chinese colleagues started to woo him: inviting him to things, coming to his office to chat, what have you. The woman who was making the most effort eventually got into a relationship with him (they're married now, and happy as far as I can tell). Another friend of mine had worked in that organisation before I did, and he had also been pursued by at least one female colleague.

 

It’s not difficult for a person who speaks or even teaches English in China to get to know some foreigners and develop relationships.

On the one hand that is true, but at the same time competition is quite stiff. Although the Chinese women interested in dating foreign men are a small minority, there are still many of them, and probably more than there are foreign men who would make good partners for them. The Chinese and Taiwanese women I've known who were looking for a foreign boyfriend certainly didn't have an easy time finding the right one.

[Basil]

Might sound like flash fiction, but it's a common occurrence.

 

Once the initial 'new arrival' euphoria wears off, this kind of behaviour can be pretty annoying.

 

Luckily I'm now getting far too fat to be considered a viable target by most...

[Enoxus]

 At least three female Chinese colleagues started to woo him: inviting him to things, coming to his office to chat, what have you.

 

Yes, they still are not the mainstream, compare to all his female colleagues, maybe. A good looking, rich, kind guy would always be a breeze in a female circle. It doesn't matter he's a foreigner or a local guy. I can't tell the differences between the working environment, but I do know that “rare things are more precious" (物以稀为贵), which means, your colleagues could be special from others, both of them. one more thing, when I was in college, I had a friend studied in a Teaching Chinese as a Foreign Language class, he was the only male student among 19 other female students, so he became a precious boy, and we all got so jealous because his arms were held and rounded by a different girl everyday. 

 

Although the Chinese women interested in dating foreign men are a small minority, there are still many of them, and probably more than there are foreign men who would make good partners for them

 

This is true. And foreign men are a small minority no matter in a Chinese college, a Chinese organisation, not even need to compare with the whole Chinese population. I graduated from Beijing Foreign Studies University and I can tell that girls in that college are so open minded even back in 80s. But pursuing a foreign visa or a passport were not even a topic among the students because too many of us would be working abroad after graduation for a long time in different countries, and get well paid, like a free 2-bedroom apartment (it costs 2-3 mil RMB now) if you work in a good company. But I did knew some girls were pursuing handsomeness and wealth, much more harder than minorities. but still, just a few girls compare to whole students in the same campus.

 

Many foreigner got confused by Chinese people, their life styles and culture, even their food, or maybe just about anything. In my opinion, any society has its class, any culture has its own class too. If some guy is teaching Jack Ma's team in Alibaba Group's Headquarters, I don't think he would be surrounded by some random females there. If you wanna study or discover the real female students in China, you need to go to Beijing University or Tsinghua University, or maybe my university. If you wanna do some research about Chinese females interests, you will also need get to know different social classes in China, otherwise you can't see anything thoroughly and our discussion wouldn't be helpful to anyone. 

[studychinese]

Don't sh*t where you eat. Are you ready for the fallout at your workplace if things go wrong? 

 

'Assertive' might seem cool right now, but are you prepared for a relationship in which the other person is 'assertive'? I have seen assertive a number of times, often as a cover or excuse for being unilateral or selfish.

[Enoxus]

Don't sh*t where you eat.

 

This is gold!

[Silent]

 

 

Did a 14 year-old schoolgirl force the 38 year old you into a date?

Did you bail out only after learning she wanted marriage?

Perhaps you might want to elaborate? 

It was/started quite innocent....

 

We met at a touristic temple, I was making photographs, she stood next to me and waited till I finished photographing and then adressed me. We had a bit of a chat, her primary goal seemed to be practicing English. At that moment I thought she was a bit older and the man with her was her boyfriend. After a while it turned out she was much younger then I thought and the guy was her uncle. She invited me for lunch and the three of us had lunch. Afterwards we exchanged phonenumbers. I promised we could meet again, but in the end that failed as I went home early, but we kept in contact by mail and phone.

 

One day she sent me a mail that she had met a boy she really liked and that he was now her boyfriend. I mailed her back that he was a very lucky boy to have such a nice and beautifull girlfriend. Then she replied that she had talked to her mother and mother told her it was a good idea to marry a foreigner. 

[Basil]

This is turning into truth or dare...

[edelweis]

@Silent: ok thanks. (sounds rather like a "joining the PLA" type of teenage idea then.)

[Simon_CH]

Beware! This exact type of situation happened to me several times when I was new to China (and only then!). It seems that Chinese women who are attracted to foreigners for various reasons (money definitely not being a factor in my cases as they were all quite well-off) try to quickly snatch a foreigner who is fresh off the plane. 

 

After half a year or so people assume that you've been here long enough, you've been exposed to enough attention and you are now either a player who dates a lot of girls or you're selective enough not to be an easy target anymore. So in short this sort of situation completely stopped and I haven't been aggressively hit on anymore in the last years. 

 

In short, take your time, assess the situation, and then take it from there. Remember she chose you, you didn't choose her. 

[Basil]

I think there's something in that analysis. Maybe what I am lacking now is that look of inane, bewildered stupidity.

[Lu]

It's not about inanity, bewilderdness or stupidity, it's about how back home most guys are just regular guys, who back home need to be at their best behaviour and make an effort if they want to 'get' a girl/woman, while in China, this is much easier, and it can spoil men in the sense that they don't feel they need to treat a woman right anymore because if woman A doesn't like how you treat her, women B to E are more than willing to take her place in your bed, and if you go to Sanlitun on a Friday night a dozen more will throw themselves at you. That, I think, is what Simon_CH means by men becoming players after a while. Of course it doesn't always work like that (fortunately), but the mechanism is there. They can also, as Simon_CH mentions, come to the conclusion that since they are now such a hot commidity, they can sit back and pick the very best woman that's on offer, because if you can get a total beauty with fluent English and a rich dad/good job, why settle for the nice girl who just manages to pay the rent of her room in a shared apartment with her teaching job. Of course, that also doesn't always happen, fortunately. But I can understand women who want a foreign man concentrate their efforts on recent arrivals. It's a wise tactic.

[Milkybar_Kid]

Perhaps watching this TV show may give you a better idea of Chinese/ Taiwanese womens' perceptions of dating a foreigner are:

 

http://scgoideas.com/%E7%88%B8%E5%AA%BD%E5%9B%A7%E5%BE%88%E5%A4%A7-2015-05-27-%E6%88%80%E6%84%9B%E4%B8%8D%E6%83%B3%E6%8C%91%E5%8F%B0%E8%B2%A8-%E5%8F%AA%E6%84%9B%E8%80%81%E5%A4%96%E5%93%AA%E6%9C%89%E9%8C%AF/

 

Warning: No subs as it was a live broadcast.

[Shelley]

Wonder what the OP thinks of all the replies

[Flickserve]

 

Wonder what the OP thinks of all the replies

It's irrelevant now. He's probably been reeled in by the said co-worker and signed a Chinese document that is at the registry office..

[Angelina]

"It's not unheard-of either though. At my last job, a Dutch guy started at the same time as I did. At least three female Chinese colleagues started to woo him: inviting him to things, coming to his office to chat, what have you. The woman who was making the most effort eventually got into a relationship with him (they're married now, and happy as far as I can tell). Another friend of mine had worked in that organisation before I did, and he had also been pursued by at least one female colleague."

WOW just wow

[Basil]

 

 

WOW just wow

 

I had a extremely wealthy Chinese woman try and pressure me in to agreeing to marry  her 17 year old daughter. 

 

Sometimes I still wonder where I would be now if I had accepted... 

[edelweis]

@Flickserve: I too was thinking that perhaps he was on his honeymoon, but no, apparently he's just moonlighting. (aka getting pursued by female students in addition to female coworkers).

Anyway a member who has started 8 threads and has only 10 active posts obviously isn't interested in following up. Another one for my "ignore" list.

 

@Basil: don't get all jealous because you haven't "enjoyed" the same attention.

[Shelley]

Hmm yes the OP does seem to be determined to get mixed up with some one while here is in china.

 

I too would think of adding it to "ignore list" too but I think I will just keep one eye out to see if the OP returns with some results/answers.

[Angelina]

He is a private teacher, a teacher for money ... hahahaha

[Demonic_Duck]

He is a private teacher, a teacher for money ... hahahaha

 

I don't get it.