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Dating a Northern Chinese girl?


jgraham11

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So I just started dating a Chinese girl who is going to school in my city in America. It's the first time i've ever dated someone other than an American and I'm quickly starting to realize how different it's going to be. I obviously knew Chinese women (for the most part) are more conservative and all of that, but she's very shy too which makes things a little harder to analyze. She's agreed to 4 dates with me already but emotionally she doesn't show much of anything. Aside from a few kisses that is

 

Not that I expect the relationship to move as quickly as it would with an American but maybe some signs of how it's going would be nice from her. Is it normal for a shy chinese girl to almost show no emotion at first? I have to constantly be the one initiating any type of conversations too which make it seem like she's not interested. Yet she keeps agreeing to go on dates with me.. Kind of confused with all of it to be honest

 

Anyone have any experience/insight?

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Somewhat timid. Unless she's around her girlfriends she's not as timid then. Just very quiet and shy I'm so normalized to American women who are always so loud! haha

 

I have no problem with her being on the quiet side it's just is that a lack of interest from her or just how it is?

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If all things were the same except she was American, how would you interpret her behaviour? What would you do?

Why don't you ask her how she feels? Gently.

 

It is going to be a voyage of discovery for you and her.

 

Is she in America temporarily as a student or does live there permanently? If she is there only temporarily she might be holding back for fear of getting in too deep and having to leave you eventually.

 

One of the best bits of advice I would give about all relationships is talk, communicate, you can only make progress if you talk as we can't read minds:conf

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Yeah it's funny you say that actually I kind of thought about the "eventually leaving" part. Plus given where she's from in China I assume her parents are more traditional (she's kind of hinted at that) which would make me a big no-no to them. I guess you're right just need to kind of straight up ask. I don't want to be too blunt, but hey sometimes you need answers!

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Yes, sometimes you just need to know. Then you can work out how you to proceed.

 

Is she there temporarily? wasn't too sure from your reply. If she that could really be the answer. But still ask.

 

Hope it goes well and it would be interesting to know how it works out.

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Yes and no I guess. She's a grad student here for another 2.5 years. So I assume unless things go very well with us she'll be seriously thinking of going back

 

I have to think she's somewhat serious though because isn't in dangerous for a woman to go back to China single at 27/28? I mean in America or the west that means nothing, but over there it's not exactly favored I know

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Well I don't know if its "dangerous" but more and more women are leaving it longer to get married. Have look around the internet and you can finds lots about it.

This new year there was a roaring trade in girl/boyfriends for hire to take home to keep the parents happy. Things are changing.

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24 minutes ago, Flickserve said:

 

1 hour ago, jgraham11 said:

I guess you're right just need to kind of straight up ask. I don't want to be too blunt,

 

Ermm....Only 4 dates... LOL

 

 

What about it? I don't want to waste time either. I'm at the point in my life where I like to know the other person has serious intentions too

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The timidness and quiet part could be either her not being confident in her English skill.

 

Another aspect could be her not being sure where the relationship is heading, it being only 4 dates and all.

 

I don't think the going back part is an issue, as based on my experience,most my Chinese friends who came here for graduate school, tried the or best to stay in the US after graduation.

 

Since you guys just started dating, I would have it more time, and not stress any timeline for the relationship to progress, and let it grow naturally.

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1 hour ago, jgraham11 said:

I like to know the other person has serious intentions too

 

After four dates and cross culture? Good luck..Different people move at different speeds. If she is not up to pace with your expectations.....

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Well I'm not saying I'm going to marry the girl man....

 

I think you're just underestimating the lack of emotion/interest that she shows. I tried explaining in my OP as best I could, but I don't know if words really do it justice. So when I said i'd be bold in asking her it wasn't for her hand in marriage haha. Just to gauge her interest level

 

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Well I wouldn't rule it out it'll happen eventually (hopefully) with someone. My point was the bold approach was just going to get her to come out of her shell a little more. I don't know maybe i'll just shut up and see what happens..

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1 hour ago, jgraham11 said:

Well I wouldn't rule it out

Chinese people tend to have a different view on dating than many westerners and it's not uncommon in China for people to only enter in to a relationship with a view of it building towards marriage.

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5 hours ago, jgraham11 said:

happen eventually (hopefully) with someone

Good point. This shows how you enter a relationship and the difference in styles. You go in thinking, 'let's go in and see if this works. Just enjoy going out'. Many chinese go in thinking 'is this going to work and if I am unsure, not let it develop significantly'.

 

Remember what is said about learning Chinese? You need patience :shock:

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