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omouc22

作文,请你们帮忙我

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omouc22

Hi all. I've my second Chinese exam next week and at the exam we have to write a composition, so I'm practicing. Can someone check this, please? I know something could be weird but I just followed the points that the teacher gave us. Thanks you!

 

我的朋友

 

我最好的朋友叫弗朗西斯。他不学习,是雇员,在公司工作。他眼睛很大,是棕色的。他的头发比我的长多了。他很比较高,我比他还高。他的鼻子和嘴唇都不大不小。我六岁的时候在学校认识他。我们是朋友从五十年。我们一起做很多东西: 我们都喜欢听音乐,我们很喜欢摇滚音乐。每周末他来我家玩儿,玩儿以后我们跟朋友们一起去酒吧喝酒。弗朗西斯是我最好的朋友因为他是一个射忠诚的人,所以我能什么都说他。我很高兴我有这样儿的朋友!

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Lu

我最好的朋友叫弗朗西斯。他不学习,是雇员,在公司工作。 Consider 他不念书 instead of 他不学习. Or just write 他在一家公司工作。 The sentence looks even better if you can specify which type of company.

 

他眼睛很大,是棕色的。他的头发比我的长多了。他很比较高,我比他还高。 Should be 他个子很高. 他很高 is also correct. You can't use 很 and 比较 in the same sentence like this (*He's rather very tall). You could also say 但是我比他还高 to emphasise the point, but that's optional, what you write is correct as well.

 

他的鼻子和嘴唇都不大不小。我六岁的时候在学校认识他。我们是朋友从五十年。 Should be something like 我们当朋友已经五十年了. Wow, 50 years!

 

我们一起做很多东西:  我们都喜欢听音乐,我们很喜欢摇滚音乐。 东西 is a thing you can touch. Something you do is 事情, but 我们一起做很多事情 still sounds un-Chinese to me. I'd just get straight to 我们喜欢一起听音乐, or perhaps write a few more things that you like to do together.

 

每周末他来我家玩儿,玩儿以后我们跟朋友们一起去酒吧喝酒。 I'd not use 朋友们 if you can avoid it, just 朋友 is enough. It's not wrong and some Chinese use it too, but it just sounds a bit like translated English (or Dutch, or whatever) to me.

 

弗朗西斯是我最好的朋友因为他是一个射忠诚的人,所以我能什么都说他。 Use 告诉 rather than 说 here if you mean to say you can tell him anything. And use 可以 rather than 能. See also here.

 

我很高兴我有这样儿的朋友!

 

I hope this helps. Others may have more (and sometimes better) advice. And what a nice assignment.

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omouc22

I meant 15 years, not 50. Ahahahaha, I didn't notice it.

Thank you very much! I'll correct it! :mrgreen:

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Kenny同志
2 hours ago, Lu said:

他不学习,是雇员,在公司工作。 Consider 他不念书 instead of 他不学习. Or just write 他在一家公司工作。 The sentence looks even better if you can specify which type of company.

Or 他已畢業,是一名公司僱員.

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