Rude Parents?

[Xiao Kui]

Something else I've experienced with Chinese parents is that in the past some didn't engage me because they were embarrassed about their English.  Dad might be embarrassed to speak poor English in front of you or in front of his daughter. 

 

Or they both might just hate your guts ;P

[abcdefg]

@Pianote -- I'm not trying to just be mean to you or upset you. And I sympathize with your distress. What I'm hoping to do is to present a different way of viewing the situation that's more in keeping with what I've experienced personally here over the years and to suggest a different way of reacting that will lead to your gradually being accepted.  

 

One thing I've seen in some of my friends that is absolutely lethal is to adopt a "Poor me, the innocent victim" mind set. Please promise us to fight hard against that. 

[Pianote]

@abcdefg I understand    I feel better today. Thanks for your help!

[ChTTay]

Massively overthinking it.

 

They could have been saying literally anything... “oh! There’s my teacher, i’m terrible at English I hope she doesn’t say anything to me!” ... “I just farted! I hope my teacher didn’t hear me. Did you?” ... 

 

I’d say, try relax more. 

[889]

Of course they also may have been saying something like, "Just look at what she's got in that shopping cart: ten bottles of maotai and two six-packs of beer!"

 

Remember, we only hear one side of the story.

[somethingfunny]

You've had a lot of good advice here, so I won't bother repeating it.  But I will say that speaking to your students in English outside of class and in front of their parents is a great idea.  It's an opportunity for the kids to impress their parents, and for the parents to see they're making progress (and not wasting money) - remember, these guys usually have no idea how well their kids are doing.

 

I knew some black teachers in Guiyang.  They probably got more hassle than most, but generally, when they did a good job, they were much loved by the kids and well respected by the (majority of) parents.

[DavyJonesLocker]

Sounds like you are still getting used to the culture shock of China. I was the same in my first year, the blatant photographing of you in the street (as I am tall, blonde and look like a 80's soft rock band throw-back) used to get a touch irritating. 

 

Change of attitude is good, I am a total Diva now if people want to photograph me 

 

As far as racism is concerned (you mentioned your black right?) I don't think there is much blatant racism in China as much as people make out. Its more just a level of ignorance by some Chinese along the lines of your black so can't speak English sort of thing.  Being white I would be in a position about racial prejudice from Chinese whereas you probably wouldn't . I know  fir few uneducated Chinese and a few 土豪 and usually when they are drunk real views comes out. However to this day I never heard one negative comment regarding someones skin colour in China . I have heard the odd choice remark about  Taiwanese, Korean's and the Japanese though!

[Guest]

Hmm, I had once a family member who went to the US whose kid was in high school. One day she told me that her kid was called by the teacher just because her kid was trying to ask a classmate (by whispering) what was the teacher saying (he didn't understand Engish at the moment). We were a little bit confused about it because in our culture whispering doesn't mean anything rude (there are certain things that you just cannot say outloud), and even if it it had that intend you generally have no way to know so why we would bother .

 

Maybe it was just a cultural misunderstanding so don't worry whispering doesn't always translate into someone saying something bad. 

[艾墨本]

10 minutes ago, MrDuque said:

 

Hmm, I had once a family member who went to the US whose kid was in high school. One day she told me that her kid was called by the teacher just because her kid was trying to ask a classmate (by whispering) what was the teacher saying (he didn't understand Engish at the moment). We were a little bit confused about it because in our culture whispering doesn't mean anything rude (there are certain things that you just cannot say outloud), and even if it it had that intend you generally have no way to know so why we would bother .

 

Maybe it was just a cultural misunderstanding so don't worry whispering doesn't always translate into someone saying something bad. 

 

I never knew this. Thank you for sharing. Wish these forums had a bigger Chinese population. It’s great to hear the perspective.

[Guest]

@艾墨本 ooh no no sorry for not specifying, I'm not Chinese but I have to admit that we do share a thing or two with China even though we are so far away (probably due to socioeconomic backgrounds and other factors that I can't completely understand) 

[艾墨本]

2 hours ago, MrDuque said:

 

@艾墨本 ooh no no sorry for not specifying, I'm not Chinese but I have to admit that we do share a thing or two with China even though we are so far away (probably due to socioeconomic backgrounds and other factors that I can't completely understand) 

 

Considering how many drastically different cultures exist within China, I highly doubt cultural similarity is a good basis for assumptions then. Where are you from then?

[Pianote]

So,  is the parents not speaking to me a cultural thing too?

[Lu]

6 minutes ago, Pianote said:

So,  is the parents not speaking to me a cultural thing too?

Probably partly cultural, partly linguistic, and partly personal. If you are nervous when you see them or try to avoid them, they probably notice and become standoffish in turn (and the other way around). This is not their fault or yours, but I think to some extent it can be resolved by either of you: an especially outgoing mom or dad striking up a conversation with you, or you making a point of greeting them with a friendly Hi even when you are doubtful about their attitude.

[889]

Doesn't the school set-up an opportunity for you to meet the parents?

 

 

(Shamelessly stolen.)

 

 

[Pianote]

No. I'm an oral teacher who doesn't grade papers and my students live on campus if that makes a difference.

[陳德聰]

It’s highly unlikely that the parents speak any English, and it’s very likely that they assume you can’t speak Chinese. That alone will mean basically nobody will want to strike up a conversation because of how awkward and troublesome it would be to potentially even just say hello.

 

What if you don’t even know “lǎoshī hǎo” and now you’re put on the spot, and it leaves the parent in an awkward position of then having to just get a blank stare back, and have to kind of laugh it off or try to awkwardly end the interaction without offending you.

 

For most people going about their day, that’s way more trouble than it’s worth. So unless you take the initiative, you’re not going to get much more out of parents than you would any random stranger on the street. So eye contact and a grunt.

[Pianote]

Ok. So, not even a nod or smile?

[Flickserve]

9 minutes ago, Pianote said:

Ok. So, not even a nod or smile?

 

Don't expect it as a norm. Chinese are just not wired that way unless you know them really really well. Well, a nod will suffice. 

[abcdefg]

For whatever it's worth, I more often got a nod or a smile when meeting complete strangers in the far north, such as Harbin, than I usually did in the deep south, such as Zhuhai or Guangzhou. Have no idea whether or not my experience was typical or representative. 

 

Always struck me as kind of odd that it would be reversed from the situation in the US, where one is more likely to get a greeting on the street in the small-town south, and less likely in the busy urban north. 

[889]

Of course we're talking here about encounters with Chinese.

 

Not those wary looks you always get from other foreigners.