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RedPianoHongqin

Workplace Romance?

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NinjaTurtle

(I want to apologize for the various typos in my previous post, but the software would not let me edit the post. It said my post was too long to be edited! Any Admin please feel free to correct the typos.)

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RedPianoHongqin

I have 2 close Chinese Girlfriend whom joined the company same day as her I shared my dilemma to. They said she was playing hard to get and the rejection was just a [email protected]! test and that she didn’t think I would take the rejection seriously. 

 

To them it’s highly unlikely this girl will let go of a person with a higher social status therefore she’s trying hard to appear in front of me again to remind me of her. 

 

The last time I went for tea break. She was there not alone but with 2 of her friends waiting for me. They offered snacks to me. Needless to say I skipped that tea break. 

 

I mean she’s already rejected me, furthermore when we were communicating before via WeChat, she was so reserved. Now she’s playing friendly? I would love to connect back to her but the previous rejection still stings. 

 

They said if a Chinese girl likes you she’ll throw a pebble. If the guy doesn’t get the hint she’ll throw a bigger one. If not she’ll throw a really big stone.

 

ill wait for that big stone before I make a move on her.

 

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Shelley
7 minutes ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

They said if a Chinese girl likes you she’ll throw a pebble. If the guy doesn’t get the hint she’ll throw a bigger one. If not she’ll throw a really big stone.

 

ill wait for that big stone before I make a move on her.

What? 

 

Give it up.

 

Look elsewhere.

 

Why would you want a relationship with a girl who throws rocks at you even if only metaphorical ones?

 

What?

 

Give it  up.

 

Look elsewhere.

 

ditto 

 

ditto ad infinitum

 

Really.

 

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Lu

So she's playing hard to get, or throwing pebbles, or some other such game. Good for her, if that's what she wants. However, it strongly looks like you're not interested in playing games. Just continue to not play, try and treat her like you would treat any other colleague. Keep this up until either she stops flirting/throwing pebbles, or becomes more direct and asks you out (at which point you can answer with a direct yes or no).

 

Meanwhile, go look elsewhere. There are about three billion women in the world who are not her. Meet some of them. Join a dating site or a dancing club, whatever.

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NinjaTurtle
7 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

They said she was playing hard to get and the rejection was just a [email protected]! test and that she didn’t think I would take the rejection seriously. 

 

She was being manipulative. Being manipulative is an extreme form of being needy. Can you imagine being in a relationship with a manipulative person?

 

And if a big part of this is her going after you because of your "high social position" I have to wonder if she is a gold-digger.

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Flickserve
8 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

mean she’s already rejected me, furthermore when we were communicating before via WeChat, she was so reserved. Now she’s playing friendly? I would love to connect back to her but the previous rejection still stings. 

 

Your talent seems to lie in soap operas and drama. 

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imron
9 hours ago, Flickserve said:

I would love to connect back to her

Why?  You already know that she is constantly [email protected]! testing you, and expecting you to read her mind and guess what she really means - even when it's in direct conflict with her words.

 

That kind of relationship will be exhausting, even if she has other qualities you admire.  There are plenty of women who *aren't* like that - go out and try to meet them.

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DavyJonesLocker
18 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

They said if a Chinese girl likes you she’ll throw a pebble. If the guy doesn’t get the hint she’ll throw a bigger one. If not she’ll throw a really big stone.

 

I's suggest that you really should stop linking these episodes back to the fact that she is Chinese. It's totally unrelated. There are some broad differences between east and west in the dating game but it's around accepted protocol (who pays) and people feeling uncomfortable (e.g. coming on too strong , holding hands etc) However gauging whether someone likes you or not is readily apparent irrespective of culture. 

 

For example:

You: Hey, if you fancy it would you like to drink or something after work on Friday?  

Her: I don't drink alcohol OR I am busy Friday OR Its too busy etc .... = "No" 

Her: I don't like alcohol, coffee shop may be better OR I am busy Friday, how about next week? OR Its too busy, let's find a quieter place so we can chat etc .... = "Open to the idea"

 

In my mind,  what you described above is clearly a case of an immature woman acting like a silly teenager.. Even if you did get together it's only going to get worse. that type of silly games most of us left behind at in our early 20's. 

 

 

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Flickserve
10 hours ago, DavyJonesLocker said:

However gauging whether someone likes you or not is readily apparent irrespective of culture. 

 

OP is Singaporean and maybe they do it differently? 

 

10 hours ago, DavyJonesLocker said:

In my mind,  what you described above is clearly a case of an immature woman acting like a silly teenager.. 

 

And vice versa 

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Brian US

I don't really have anything constructive to say or add anything that hasn't already been said, but I do enjoy coming back to this thread for updates.

 

I'm also disappointed nothing came from 11/11 day...

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RedPianoHongqin
9 hours ago, Flickserve said:

OP is Singaporean and maybe they do it differently?

 

Yeah im a singaporean. Actually thinking about it. I should just go with the flow since she’s is openingly waiting for a response.

 

im not very experienced with girls. My current Wife is only my 3rd Girlfriend. 

 

3 hours ago, Brian US said:

I'm also disappointed nothing came from 11/11 day..

 

Well apparently we work in a different building now, we will never bump into each other. Only lately she went all the way to my building for tea break and since she has rejected me I was on in the process of moving on until she suddenly pop back into my line sight.

 

if She pops up again during my tea break I’ll give her a little attention and see where it goes from there.

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RedPianoHongqin
20 hours ago, imron said:

That kind of relationship will be exhausting, even if she has other qualities you admire.  There are plenty of women who *aren't* like that - go out and try to meet them.

 

Call me stupid or whatever. I’ll give her one last shot. It has been a month of NC. Since she’s came all the way here to find me I’ll think she has enough time to think what she wants.

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roddy
Quote

 I’ll give her a little attention and see where it goes from there.

Round in very boring circles is where.

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Shelley
2 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

My current Wife is only my 3rd Girlfriend

 

What?

Does this mean you are still married?

 

DON'T DO THIS.

If this means you will be cheating on your "current wife" I have no time for you.

 

This is the last post I shall make on this subject and what ever you get will be karma.

 

 

 

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imron
2 hours ago, RedPianoHongqin said:

Call me stupid

Ok, you're stupid :mrgreen: 

 

I look forward to the eventual update.

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Flickserve
3 hours ago, roddy said:

Round in very boring circles is where.

 

I couldn’t find a ‘very very very very helpful’ icon. 

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feihong
On 9/28/2018 at 8:53 AM, RedPianoHongqin said:

Not being egostic, I’m a above average looking guy who’s a little buff (I’m a gym addict) who has girls checking me out all the time. 90% of our 1000++ headcount in my current company are girls. I’ve been asking myself a lot, why do I like her? I’m still don’t understand myself on this till today.

I can't believe no one else has said this, but if you spend a lot of time at the gym, then you should try to find dates there. I've heard nothing about your company that suggests it is a wonderful place for romance.

 

But, my theory is that you like the drama, which is why you're letting this play out when you should've ended it a long time ago. I would advise you to seek a therapist. Just to be clear, I'm not implying that you're mentally ill, but you don't need to be sick to talk to a therapist (think of it as preventative care). Talking to a professional listener can help you clarify your own thoughts and feelings on the problem, and realistically assess how things will play out. Your "Chinese girlfriends" have so far done a poor job of counseling you.

 

Advice to fellow advice-givers: We should probably stop giving this guy the attention he craves. It isn't doing him any good, and this thread is already a trainwreck.

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RedPianoHongqin

Anyway thanks everyone for the advice. I’m not really good in expressing myself in a forum.

 

first and foremost I’m filing for divorce. This girl is a career driven person, reason she rejected me is because she’s very worried about workplace gossip and we should remain coworkers.

 

After a month of no contact and fully out of sight she decided to make the effort for my attention. I believe she has a month to think over things of a workplace relationship is worth the risk. 

 

Since she’s popping back up to my life I’ve decided to just go with the flow and see where it lands to.

 

I apologise for any weird ideas in my head earlier. Too many POV in real life as well from friends. I really do like her a lot that’s why I’m in such a delima 

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