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Grammar of this short essay

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I've written myself a short essay given the words. I would like to check if it's grammatically correct?


我在练习我的书写。有谁可以帮我改一下我写了的短文妈?题目就是要全部使用下列的词语, 写一篇80字左右的短文。

元旦, 放松, 礼物, 表演, 善良


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我在练习我的书写写作。有谁可以帮我改一下我写②的短文?题目就是要全部使用下列的词语, 写一篇80字左右的短文。

元旦, 放松, 礼物, 表演, 善良



① 书写 is for handwriting.

② 了 does not mean past tense. There is no tense in Chinese, only aspect. 了 is used to signify the completion of an action, which in the case of 我写的短文 is redundant.

③ Extremely awkward sentence and the wrong "de". Needs complete rewrite.

④ 美味 is used to describe food, not the place where food is served.

⑤ 心地善良 is seldom used adverbially, plus it's not the right word to describe parent-child relationship. It's more appropriate in a stranger-stranger context.

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Ok. Thanks for your suggestions and correcting the sentences.

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