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Wahed

尋找房子

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Wahed

我終於有一段時間來冩下來到南京之後去尋找房子會說什麼。但是首先,我想說明我寫此日記的主要目的顯而易見是提高我中文的水平。具體而言,我的計劃包括在增加我成語的知識與高級書面詞彙下功夫。大家幫助我修改錯誤的時候,倘若能夠使用成語請告訴我。同時,如果能避免重複同樣簡單的詞彙,請通知我。我就此全力以赴學習中文。

 

我現在從尋找房子開始。(我不知道中文的時候,會寫英語。)

 

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早上好,我找房子,你能幫忙嗎?I have an idea of what Im looking for. 我不太確定我具體想組什麼樣的房子,不過我可以跟你分享一些細節。首先,我任何思考房子的場所務必離此地址坐公共交通15分鐘之內能達到。Wherever place I consider renting must be reachable by public transportation within 15 minutes from this address. 其次是衛生。請只給我看很乾淨的房子。接下來是淋浴的水壓與馬桶的沖實力。淋浴的時候水必須有勁出來,以及沖馬桶的時候水應該又有實力地又順利地下去。此外,我傾向於住在3層以下。一個地方當事故發生時我就能很容易得逃跑。就價錢而言,每個月6400人民幣以下是最理想的。

 

=============================================

 

我寫的怎麼樣?

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889

I cannot parse 我中文的水平水平. Am I missing something?

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Phil Tsien

Actually it's a quite English way of writing. 

 

I think in China people would rather express the same thing like the text below:

早上好,我在找房子(for 我租房子 is not a Chinese-like expression, yet 我在租房子 means "I'm now living in a rent house") ,您(I would rather use 您 since it's important to be polite especially when asking for help.) 能帮我吗?

我不太确定我想租一间(this 一间 is not important. I'm just try to rewrite the text with my own style of speaking chinese )什么样的房子,但是我可以跟您说说看(still this is a expression of politeness)我的想法(please dont use 细节,  that's totally a English way of thinking)。

(well the following sentence is a bit complicated so I bet you haven't learnt such advanced grammar yet. It's a real difficulty.) 首先 (because you said 其次 in the following words) ,我考虑租的房子最好(in fact when you're talking to those rent house agents in China, 最好 is synonymous with 务必, but still the politeness) 距离这个地址十五分钟的公交车程(公共交通 in Chinese includes taxi, so just to say 公交, it's a abbreviation of 公共交通 but it simply means the bus and sometimes includes the subway) 

其次是卫生。我希望找一间干净的房子 (totally rewritten to be more native. The sentence means that I want to find a clean house.) 还有(接下来 is too formal), 淋浴的水压要比较大,马桶要畅通(first, in chinese you don't have to state "the shower and the toilet" in advance. And I summarized your description of the toilet with a two-character adjective) 。还有(此外 is too formal as well. Sometimes I use 接下来 when hosting a party or sth. But I've never used 此外 while speaking),我倾向于住在三层以下,这样出现事故的时候就能很快地逃跑(一个地方 means a place, I can understand what you mean because I know how to speak english, but I'm not sure that the rent house agent knows how to speak english as the native speakers do, so I changed the sentence into a structure of cause and effect. But actually you don't have to state "a place of which I can easily get out when there is an accident or something", it's strange.) 就价钱而言,每个月六千四(yes, when you are talking about the price, the term "6400" means just "6400 yuan", or you can use 六千四百块钱 as well. 6400人民币 is acceptable.) 是最合适的。

 

so I rewrote the passage like this

早上好,我在找房子,您能帮我吗?

我不太确定我想找一间什么样的房子,但是我可以跟您说说看我的想法。

首先,我考虑租的房子最好距离这个地址十五分钟公交车程。其次是卫生。我希望找一间干净的房子。还有,淋浴的水压要比较大,马桶要畅通。还有,我倾向于住在三层以下,这样出现事故的时候就能很快地逃跑。就价钱而言,六千四是最合适的。

ps In chinese this kind of article is referred to as 口语体文章. I dont know? how to translate it into english but it roughly means an article written in a speaking way. so try not to be that formal, since you re not writing essays. 

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Wahed

@Phil Tsien 多謝您的修改!

 

On 12/1/2019 at 5:54 PM, Phil Tsien said:

(well the following sentence is a bit complicated so I bet you haven't learnt such advanced grammar yet. It's a real difficulty.)

對您來說,應該如何表達我的意思呢?

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Phil Tsien
15 hours ago, Wahed said:

對您來說,應該如何表達我的意思呢?

Actually, i'm still in high school so I haven't been in such situation yet🤔

but if I were finding a rent house and were communicating with a rent house agent I would say 

我觉得最好能租一间房子坐十五分钟公交车或地铁能到这个地方(

yet I myself cannot analyse how it works as an understandable sentence clearly so I thought it would be more complicated for non-native speakers so I wouldn't recommend it. Perhaps the complexity is because I only use mandarin at school and my mandarin speaking is a little affected by the dialect I speak as mother tongue. 

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