Is this translation right?

[GabrielaVD]

Hi, guys

I dont understand time in chinese very well, so using the particle 了 is a special 头疼 for me

can anyone tell me if this translation is correct?

 

Original (what I mean to translate)

Last year my aunt and l planned to go to Jerusalem the following year. From January, we started to buy the necessary things for our trip by stages;  flight tickets, hotel reservation, etc. The most important thing is that we bought a tour package including a two week trip to Israel, Egypt and Jordan. Since there are no flights from my country to Israel, we first went to USA. Also, my aunt said she wanted to go to Spain, too, so we spent 3 days in Barcelona. During the last day in Barcelona we had to take a flight to Israel, but that day in the morning my mom gave me an emergency call, said that my uncle's cancer suddenly got really serious. We immediately returned home. Unfortunately, my uncle passed away the very same day we were originally going to come back, but fortunately we had the chance to say goodbye.

 

一年前我阿姨和我打算第二年去耶路撒冷。我们从一月开始分期分批买旅游必不可少的东西;飞机票，订酒店，等等。最重要的是我们购买了一个旅游套票, 包括了两个星期内去以色列，埃及，和约旦。由于没有从我的国家到以色列航班，我们先去了美国。还有，我的阿姨说她也想了去西班牙，所以我们在巴塞罗那三天。最后天在巴塞罗那我们要坐飞机去以色列，但是那天早上我妈妈给我打了紧急电话说我叔叔的癌症突然严重了，因此我们马上回了家。不幸，我叔叔去世了我们原来应该回了家的那天，有幸，我们有了机会道别他。

 

I would really appreciate help, correction and feedback.

 

Note: English is also not my native language.

 

Thank you!

 

 

[ibag]

包括_两个星期内去以色列，埃及，和约旦。
由于没有从我的国家到以色列(的)航班，
我的阿姨说她也想_去西班牙，
我叔叔去世了, (在)我们原来应该回(到)家的那天，
有幸，我们还有_机会(追悼他)
-
了 appends generally at the end of sentences, do not appear in the middle of sentences.

[889]

Is 追悼 the right word here? In context the English indicates they were able to have a final meeting with their uncle before he died. (The Chinese version isn't as clear.)

[Tomsima]

追悼 appears to be a misunderstanding of the order of the events in the English (that is of course unless weve misunderstood the order). 追悼 Ive heard used at funerals, ie after the person has passed away, never before. 道别 would be correct for saying goodbye before someone had passed away. 

[ibag]

Sorry, I didn't read the English part and was misled by the last Chinese sentence. Actually, I didn't understand it at all.
"不幸，我叔叔去世了我们原来应该回了家的那天"
This sentence means that I should have gone home, but I didn't go back.
So I thought the farewell was a memorial service.
If you want to show that you're back, you should say that.
"很不幸，我叔叔就在我们回家的当天去世了"
 

[889]

She's not a native speaker, so her English is hard to follow.

 

But I don't think either of those translations matches her meaning. I THINK she's saying that they had to return home a few days earlier than planned because their uncle's condition suddently worsened. Thankfully they had a chance to say goodbye to him before he died, on the day they had ORIGINALLY planned to return.

 

The first sentence is also hard to to understand. She says "last year" they decided to go to Jerusalem "the following year." Does she mean "this year" not "the following year." ? Can't very well mean "next year" like the translation she provided suggests because we're then told what happened on the trip to Jerusalem.

 

(Don't take offense OP! All of us here well know the difficulty of using a second language.)