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梅克立

A cover letter I wrote, anyone see any glarring issues?

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梅克立

I just wrote this cover letter for a job I might apply for. Rather than send it in with a huge string of wrongs I thought maybe you guys could help me out a little with it. I'm pasting what I have... I xxxx'ed the name of the company so just substitute another company name and it should make sense. I also have some stuff in () because I'm pretty sure I didn't translate it right. Thanks a bunch!

我的信有两个重要要点:1)说英语的本国人会说汉语的重要 2)为什么我就喜欢 xxxx

如果你看我的重新开始当然你知道我有很多电脑的体验但是现在是电子(digital age)时代. 谁没有把 (rhetorical)?

有经验的电脑管理人员 (server administrators) 有意思可是意思不够了。好好的公司需要别的技巧. 中国的人口是 1.6 十亿差不多, xxxx 有中国的办公室。我觉得在 xxxx 你有很多中国的被雇佣者会说英文但是美国人会说普通话太小了!我的总的感觉美国人从汉语翻译到英语比中国人自然的。因为比较自然的所以对英文话的人容易听得懂。

小孩子的时候我梦想去外层空间但是我不是一个宇航员。我觉得有一天在外层空间 xxxx 有很大的存在。现在 xxxx 已经有 xxxx 火星和月亮。下一次 xxxx 要做什么?如果我自己不去外层空间我要拥护 xxxx 的基本设施,新的工艺, 和好的主义。我觉得 xxxx 对社会创造一个好的印象。爱公司的代表团就很努力地做工作。在世界上我觉得 xxxx 最好的。

我希望你们给我打电话还是发给我 email 所以讨论我的工作资格。谢谢

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梅克立

没有地方写错了吗?:lol: :lol:

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doumeizhen

But I have had *some* good training in writing (and a lot of scoldings from my laoshi!), and here some suggestions to tide you over until someone comes along to help you with those glaring grammatical mistakes that we haven't found yet. :wink:

I'll underline my suggestions. Ok, scrap that. I rewote. Sorry!

When writing this you can use this dictionary, and this census for stats.

*I think here you were trying to point out the need to have something to set you apart. How's about something like: 鉴别自己的公司很不容易。。something like that

也许您看我对电脑的经验你会发现我的能力比较多。不过,在这个电子时代之内,好像谁都有这样的经验。

对我来看,每个公司想要雇佣一个有经验的电脑管理人员,但是竞争公司需要别的技巧和能力。现在中国的人口已经过了1.6 十亿人(I don't know if 2. 人is superfluous),这1.6十亿人包含XX办公室。*(I think your saying its a Chinese office is superfluous, as we're talking about China already. I think I know why you did it, but I don't like it!). 我想XX已经有比较多会讲英文的中国雇员,有可能没有很多会讲中文的外国雇员. 我觉得,本人和外国人一起合作还是最好一个策略,和我很想陪你们公司翻译部的发展,把你们的国际神态更自然和在行。

我小的时候常常在梦里去外层空间当宇航员。我觉得有一天XX在外层空间会有很大的存在(?).现在 xxxx 已经有 xxxx 火星和月亮,以后再会做什么?我个人已经知道我还不能去外层空间;但是拥护 xxxx 的基本设施,新的工艺和好主义是相等奇妙的机会。我很赞赏XX对社会创造的影像,为此我会很努力贡献您们的目的。

我希望您们会给我打电话或者发e-mail讨论我所有的工作资格。

Ok, that was my stab at it. Read it through, and I think you might be able to see how I changed what you were saying. You were using some run-on sentences that didn't flow right, some redundant and unfitting vocab, and some incomplete thoughts. I struggle with this all the time in my writing. I hope the other editors here will start chiming in soon!

---------------------------

我的信有两个重要要点:1)说英语的本国人会说汉语的重要 2)为什么我就喜欢 xxxx

如果你看我的重新开始当然你知道我有很多电脑的体验但是现在是电子(digital age)时代. 谁没有把 (rhetorical)?

有经验的电脑管理人员 (server administrators) 有意思可是意思不够了。好好的公司需要别的技巧. 中国的人口是 1.6 十亿差不多, xxxx 有中国的办公室。我觉得在 xxxx 你有很多中国的雇佣者会说英文但是美国人会说普通话太小了!我的总的感觉美国人从汉语翻译到英语比中国人自然的 (I hope your employer isn't Chinese. They can be a proud people)。因为比较自然的所以对英文话的人容易听得懂。

小孩子的时候我梦想去外层空间但是我不是一个宇航员。我觉得有一天在外层空间 xxxx 有很大的存在。现在 xxxx 已经有 xxxx 火星和月亮。下一次 xxxx 要做什么?如果我自己不去外层空间我要拥护 xxxx 的基本设施,新的工艺, 和好的主义。我觉得 xxxx 对社会创造一个好的印象。爱公司的代表团就很努力地做工作。在世界上我觉得 xxxx 最好的。

我希望你们给我打电话还是发给我 email 所以讨论我的工作资格。谢谢

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Mugi

You may wish to post what you want to say in English too, so some of the native Chinese speakers here don't have to second guess what you're trying to say...:)

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seesaw

关于其中几个词语,我的建议:

1.说英语的本国人

改为

以英语为母语的人

2.我的重新开始

改为

我的履历

(或者:我的简历。“重新开始”的意思是restart, 不是resume/CV)

3.digital age

可以说

数码时代

(或者:数字时代)

4 1.6十亿

改为

16亿

5 (美国人会说普通话)太小了

改为

太少了

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amazingdido
我的信有两个重要要点

我的信有两个重要特点/我的信有两个要点

1)说英语的本国人会说汉语的重要

1)英语为母语者说汉语的重要

digital age

译为“数字时代”比较好

我的总的感觉美国人从汉语翻译到英语比中国人自然的。因为比较自然的所以对英文话的人容易听得懂。

总体上我感觉美国人把汉语翻译成英语比中国人翻译得更加自然(和地道),因此也更能让那些母语是英语的人理解。

I am not sure which word 总体上 was translated from.And it's somewhat strange.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe you can post it both in English and Chinese so that we can find out the exact meaning of each word.Some of your sentences are confusing.I cannot unserstand them.Anyway it's a good cover letter,at least in English:mrgreen:

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