How to tell people off?

[grawrt]

Sorry, I know these aren't things you should be learning in a language but I felt this was neccessary after my day today.

 

Can anyone help me with some sort of ways to tell people off in these three scenerios:

 

1) A person is being disgusting; like spitting on the floor in doors. Or worse, chewing up their food and spitting it on the floor..indoors >__> (yes that's what traumatized me today, and I almost lost my dinner because of it)

2) A person is cutting the line/shoving in front of me, etc. It's annoying. I'm a paitient person and I always let these things slide but I'm tired of it.

3) Taxi driver being incredibly unreasonable by refusing the run the meter, and sets a price that includes his trip back.

 

Up until now I've always ignored it and walked away but after today I feel like these people need to be called out on their nasty/rude/obnoxious behavior. There are a number of other scenerios but these three were the most recent.

 

Any advice?

 

Feel free to add any other things to say to other scenerios. I will remember and cherish them greatly. I can only say nice things or be really polite and I realized today it's just not enough.

 

 

[889]

There are certainly times in China when you need to stop being the smiling foreigner and assert yourself, strongly. But those are times when asserting yourself is necessary to attain some pretty worthwhile goal, like avoid being kicked out of your apartment. Your examples, the petty torments of a Westerner in China, don't rise anywhere near that level. In short, they're not worth making a fuss over. And making a fuss over them won't achieve a thing.

[Demonic_Duck]

1) A person is being disgusting; like spitting on the floor in doors. Or worse, chewing up their food and spitting it on the floor..indoors >__> (yes that's what traumatized me today, and I almost lost my dinner because of it)

请不要在室内吐痰。

Qǐng bù yào zài shìnèi tǔtán.

2) A person is cutting the line/shoving in front of me, etc. It's annoying. I'm a paitient person and I always let these things slide but I'm tired of it.

请不要插队／加塞儿。

Qǐng bù yào chāduì/jiāsāir.

3) Taxi driver being incredibly unreasonable by refusing the run the meter, and sets a price that includes his trip back.

不用计价器不行。

Bù yòng jìjiàqì bù xíng.

 

I agree with @889 that in the first example speaking out will be unlikely to achieve anything, and the last thing you want is for the person (most likely middle-aged, male and poorly educated) to become defensive and start mouthing off at you, but I think in examples 2) and 3) asserting yourself would be worthwhile. That said, for example 3) the taxi driver may simply refuse to take you, so it depends how desperate you are to take a taxi. Bear in mind that taxi drivers' wages are already pretty low, so sometimes this kind of behaviour is understandable, frustrating as it is.

 

Edit: actually, none of my suggestions really amount to "telling someone off", the first two are polite requests and the last is a statement of fact. Telling someone off should be reserved for children, and even then normally only ones you know and have some legitimate authority over. Telling off a stranger in public amounts to humiliating them, and I can't imagine anything good coming out of it.

[889]

But he's going to keep going back to that supermarket and people are going to keep crowding in line, and he's going to keep getting upset over it. The only long-term solution is to stop getting upset over it. How can you spend your time in China fighting against these things every day every place?

 

(Before deciding it was hopeless long ago, I myself would point to the back of the line and say to the offender in as commanding a voice as I could muster, 这儿有排队!)

[Flickserve]

Number 2 happens in HK not infrequently. I also saw it happen in Kuala Lumpar International Airport where there was queue to get into the departure lounge. The guy tried to jump a long queue and about 70% of the people shouted at him to go to the back of the queue (which he sheepishly did after trying to pretend he had a friend inside already) - 去后面排队 - it's abrupt and straight to the point.

 

请不要插队 - seems pretty polite!!

[Demonic_Duck]

@889: I'm not suggesting s/he should continue to get upset about it, but I think politely but firmly asserting him/herself is no bad thing.

 

@Flickserve: Well, you can drop the “请” if you don't want to be polite, but I think in situations like this politeness certainly won't hinder, and might help.

[realmayo]

1. eat elsewhere

2. don't leave room for people to push in

3. choose another taxi or choose another address

 

... which is by way of echoing remarks above, that you're better off just accepting this how the society you're a guest in behaves.

[Demonic_Duck]

@realmayo:

 

1) You can't predict the behaviour of the patrons of a particular establishment before choosing to eat there.

2) Sound advice (but unless you're basically breathing down the neck of the person in front, someone really obnoxious might still give it a try).

3) Again, that depends how desperate you are to take this particular taxi ;)

[Shelley]

"Sorry, I know these aren't things you should be learning in a language"

 

Why did you think this?

 

Don't see why you shouldn't know these things, maybe its more about when to use them.

 

You may have to live with it but it might make you feel better to be able to say something even if it doesn't bring results.

[muirm]

What would you say in English in these situations? It's hard to give suggestions without knowing how rude you want to be, and what the goal of your comments are.

[Silent]

 

Can anyone help me with some sort of ways to tell people off in these three scenerios:

With what goal? You can scold them but nothing positive will come from it.

1) Spitting is pretty much a cultural thing, I see no way you could gain here.

2) Also pretty much a cultural thing, but by just saying something about it is fine and might make the person change it's mind. Once in a queue for a train ticket I pushed someone cutting the line and pointing him to the end of the queue. The guy in front of me started to scold the guy for trying to do so with a foreigner. The guy went to try at  a few of the other queues.

3) Basicly it's a form of negotiating the price. I assume an illegal one but still, it's a matter of negotiating. In many places the simple fact of a white face makes it virtually impossible to get the 'correct' price. There are a few strategies but none is perfect. Basicly negotiate, leave it (take another cab or mode of transport), call the police (probably useless and time consuming but may work as a negotiation strategy), or don't negotiate at all. The last one may be somewhat risky, but if you know the price or want the meter rather then a negotiated price, works often amazingly well. In case of a meter just enter the taxi and tell where you want to go.  He drives off or tries to negotiate. You tell him to use the meter, if needed repeat it a few times, and for the rest ignore everything the driver says till the meter is started. At the destination pay the correct amount (don't count on getting change).

[陳德聰]

I think #2 depends on the situation. In the supermarket, old people do it and I don't care, but if someone tries to cut in the line for movie tickets or something like that I most certainly say something. Something like 我们都在排队，请不要插队 is so unbelievably polite. I have trouble holding my tongue.

[889]

Yes, if you're going to do this -- and not to say you should -- then stick to short, simple phrases.

 

你干嘛?! is short and simple and has the advantage of working in many different situations, but it can come across as pretty rude, depending on the circumstances, and just how you say it.

[hedwards]

I'm with 889 here, I think the thing is to either not get upset over it or be willing to do a bit of light pushing back. Or at least that's what I did. In practice it never took much pushing to keep my place in line and certainly not enough to cause any sort of discomfort. If I wanted orderly lines I would have moved to Germany or the UK. I think parts of Eastern Europe are big on lines as well.

[tooironic]

Re 3) I think 请打表 may be a more common way of saying "please turn on the taxi metre".

[simplet]

As for number 2 if you are a woman you can try to pretty much elbow them out of the way. I had a tiny friend who was really annoyed with chinese people being rude and, among other things she did, whenever someone tried to cut in front of her she would just stick her elbow in their stomach area and start pushing as hard as she could, I even once saw her use her second hand to push even harder. Usually the guy cutting the line would be kind of embarrassed to say anything, but he might actually try to stay there while ignoring you physically pushing him away.

 

I believe you have to be a woman to try that though, otherwise the guy might get angry and start telling you off, or he might even want to fight you. Personally as a male I have resorted to pushing them away with my shoulder, but of course you only have a short time to do that before he's actually in front of you and you can't do anything anymore. I have found that talking to these people is absolutely useless (unless the whole line is telling them to fuck off like in someone's example), in China it seems ok to physically manhandle people like that as long as you do it in a non-completely obvious way and pretend not to notice what you are doing the whole time.

[abcdefg]

Any advice?

 

Don't do it if you are alone and your kung fu is not real strong and you have time to waste on a fight over something that doesn't really matter.

 

Also remember that the person the the person at whom you are irritated is seldom alone, even if you might think that at first glance.

[grawrt]

Sorry I know I'm petty. I've been in China for a while and largely ignored this but lately it's just become too much.

 

The taxi thing was an insane situation I had in Lijiang. Taking another taxi wasn't an option. Every taxi in that area (real taxis, not black taxis) were giving the same price. and refusing to let me in otherwise. The ones outside the immediate area were the same. It bugged me watching the meter and seeing that i had to pay double the price for a ride, becaues it was in fact running. Plus he was so smug and a bastard. Trying to chat me up like we were buddies and then exclaiming in such a grateful way "THANK YOUU". It was frustrating. EVen if i would have gained nothing in that situation I would have liked being able to tell him to go to hell.

 

Maybe I've just been having a few bad couple of weeks.

 

edit~ The food thing I felt liek I could probably say something. This was a guy who sat at the cateteria with me to chat with me, I tried not to judge him the first time he did it, the second time I tried to pretend it wasn't happening, the third time he did it I almost lost my dinner and had to leave.

[AdamD]

This is how I've dealt with the ones I've come up against:

 

1) 没礼貌 or 烦死了 or 坏人 or similar, whichever best conveys my exasperation that an old man has gobbed 5 cm from my foot (which is pretty much the only time I get angry about this). CCTV runs plenty of 文明 type ads about spitting so I reckon it's reasonable to call out the really bad examples.

2) 排队！排队！排队！ and ushering seems to be enough most of the time.

 

Usually I just put up with 1 and push back when 2 happens because China.

[abcdefg]

The taxi thing was an insane situation I had in Lijiang.

 

@Grawrt -- They are bad there because of so many clueless tourists. Like shooting fish in a barrel. 

 

I had a transportation incident last week. Had returned to Kunming by train after an out of town trip. It was 6 p.m. rush hour when I exited the station. No taxis to be had even after walking a couple blocks. No convenient city busses and I had a rucksack I was real tired of carrying.

 

Some enterprising guys on electric motor scooters 电动车 were taking advantage of the situation. I bargained with three of them and agreed on a price with one. Got on and he took me to the wrong place. I had questioned his route along the way, but he said he knew what he was doing, so I shut up and held on.

 

When we got there (to the wrong place) he said he had misunderstood and wanted more money to take me to the correct destination. We went back and forth a few minutes, without my getting off. I didn't raise my voice and said things like, "Shifu, I know you are not trying to cheat me. We just had a misunderstanding. I'm very sorry for my part in it. Now please take me home."

 

Eventually I paid him 5 Yuan more than originally agreed. A face saving compromise for him. We parted on friendly terms.

 

But next time, I arrive at the train station I'll probably just take a city bus to almost anywhere and work on a taxi from there. It's always difficult around the station 昆明站。Just the way it is. Controlled by some sort of taxi mafia.