The "Chinese Stare" Does it exist?

[ruich]

6'4", blonde hair, blue eyes, bright skin -> you'll certainly get stared at. Even in big cities, but at least not as often as in the countryside. I was once in Qingdao during an Ocean Sailing Race. There were hundreds of foreigners there, but still, two Chinese couples, around 40 years old (!), asked only me to be on their photo..

First, it was kind of fun, to pose for a photo with Chinese people. But after a few dozen, I got very annoyed, and my 不要 wasn't very polite anymore :unsure: Especially annoying when people start using their mobile phones and try to take a shot secretly, think that's rather offensive.

[SiMaKe]

All you folks are missing out on an opportunity here.

Once when I was in Dali, I asked an elderly Naxi couple if I could take their picture. (I find their blue outfits aesthetically pleasing. Also many of the other minority's dress as well. The colors, the decorations, the craftsmanship, the cultural traditions, the pretty girls,... but I digress). Anyway, after taking the picture, the man does the "3-finger rub". Thumb, forefinger, middle finger. (I believe all cultures with opposable thumbs do this - at least all the ones I've encountered). He wanted paid. Ok. Although this was not negotiated up front, I gave them some money.

So now, when I am approached for a picture (I'm one of those 6 ft tall blondes - at least what's left of it - with fair skin), I do the 3-finger rub. You can add a smile (like I do) to get a laugh or be serious and get paid.

@skylee

My wife has the same experience when we are in Italy. And she is often taken for Italian so your Chinese-ness may have nothing to do with it. (BTW, I plussed you to counteract the -1 someone gave you. I didn't find your post a problem at all.)

[Sarpedon]

I'm definitely doing the "three-finger rub" thing. ;) Brilliant idea, even if it's just for a laugh.

[renzhe]

That happened to me too. But it was in Italy and it was an Italian old man who kept staring at me. But then I am Chinese and this did not happen in China, so I guess it was not as a big deal as the "Chinese Stare".

Actually, it's exactly the same thing. People tend to look at things that are unusual to them, and in some parts of Italy, there aren't many Chinese people. My girlfriend noticed a "Croatian stare" during our holiday once, but it was a one-off thing in this particular case.

It can be creepy sometimes, but it can also be funny, like when an entire restaurant stops eating and rushes to the window to stare at you with open mouths as you're passing by, as happened to me in Luoyang. And I'm not even blonde or handsome

Personally, I don't mind the looks, I find them funny. There's nothing sinister behind them, and I've never felt threatened in China.

It's the selling of watches, DVDs and hotel rooms around tourist centres that gets to me. I understand that it's not personal, and the people are just trying to feed their families, but when they start pestering my girlfriend, thinking she's my translator or someone I just picked up 5 minutes earlier. They just ignore me and follow her around. She never took me shopping with her, it drops the price by a factor of five to ten.

[Meng Lelan]

I remember back in 1986, I was standing on a patio after dinner in Tianjin on the Nankai University campus, a local riding his bike did a double take at me and was so startled, he steered his bike into a pond. And I was (still is) a red head with freckles.

[xiaocai]

@skylee

My wife has the same experience when we are in Italy. And she is often taken for Italian so your Chinese-ness may have nothing to do with it. (BTW, I plussed you to counteract the -1 someone gave you. I didn't find your post a problem at all.)

And when I read the thread the -1 was there again. What's wrong with this forum?

[Glenn]

My ex had the same issue here in the US, especially since she lived in a small town out in the middle of nowhere. She was Japanese, and she was constantly telling me that people were always looking at her. When I was in Japan I was obviously the first westerner that a particular little girl in the bank had seen (she must have been 3 or 4), because she stopped running around making noise, and I mean dead in her tracks, when she saw me. It was like I had put her in a trance. She didn't move for about two minutes, when her mom turned around and saw her and scooped her up. I still laugh about that.

And I don't know whether she cares, but I figured I'd give skylee a preemptive plus, just in case.

[roddy]

What's wrong with this forum?

Nothing, it's working perfectly. That post is currently scoring 3 minuses and 4 pluses. Controversial!

[xiaocai]

Whoa, that's a really controversial post then, and it would be much appreciated if someone can kindly point out what exactly is so controversial about it to me... :o

[Meng Lelan]

It's the dumb, stupid rating system that came with the new interface, that's what is wrong with the forums. Nothing wrong with your post. Here, let me try to bang away at the dumb, stupid green button and see if I can raise your rating somehow.

[gougou]

If you're bothered by the staring, just involve these people in conversation (or gestures if you don't speak the language) and they'll be no longer staring, but just looking at you. A lot about whether you're feeling uncomfortable actually comes from yourself - you can interpret it as somebody staring at you because he is shocked by how different you are, or you can treat it as somebody looking at you interestedly because she is curious to know more about you.

The concept of privacy is very different in China than in most Western countries; and if we decide to live here, that's just something we have to put up with. Best thing to do is to embrace it and enjoy the opportunity to be able to strike up a conversation with virtually everybody you meet - something that certainly wouldn't be possible in Germany, for instance.

Also, when I was in Europe, a couple of friends from China - and especially those from other Asian countries - complained about the constant 你好s they got... Maybe China is not the only country that treats strangers differently after all? ;)

I know several people who have broken a Chinese man's camera over this.

This might not be the best way to get these people to treat foreigners as everybody else...

[Brian US]

Seems like the stares come in this order by number of occurrences:

Quick glance

Prolonged stare only broken when you make eye contact with them

Prolonged stare even if you look them dead in the eye

Coming up to you for a picture

I'm short with brown hair, so it isn't too bad.

[carlo]

So-called "mixed" families get stared at everywhere, even in places like New York and Hong Kong. I'm so used to this that it doesn't even register anymore. The trick is to stay alert for the very rare case when there is some kind of danger or threat.

On the other hand, I spent weeks at a time in a countryside village in Jiangsu (that shall remained unnamed) and nobody took a second look at me. Don't know why that is so, as it's not the most cosmopolitan of places. Maybe my presence was so incongruous that the brain refused to take it in.

As for the old Italian man staring at the attractive Hong Kong lady, it might've been our current prime minister. I don't know where in HK you are based Skylee, but you may end up as honorary consul in Mong Kok or something.

[hatapota]

I was in Beijing and Shanghai earlier this year and got a lot of attention. I'm a 5 ft 10 with dark eyes, very pale skin and brown hair, and had my photo taken hundreds of times. The forbidden city was probably the worst for it as there were so many people from out of town, but I got attention pretty much everywhere I went, including a policeman at Beijing south station, and 2 PLA guys in the old summer palace. One very sweet couple said that I looked like a panda and therefore looked very "valuable". I think that's a good thing?!?

I've since dyed my hair white-blonde so I imagine it would be a whole lot worse now!

[miss_China_so_much]

As for the old Italian man staring at the attractive Hong Kong lady, it might've been our current prime minister.

As a mixed couple, my husband and I got a lot of stares both in Beijing and Chengdu a few years back. It really annoyed him. A woman followed us for at least half hour in Palace Museum. When I stared back, she actually smiled but didn't stop following! The funniest staring incident happened in our last family dinner in Chengdu. We were dining in dedicated room in a local restaurant, while two middle-aged women (not the waitresses) sat down on chairs next to the door and started us with their arms folded. They didn't leave until my sister stood up and "kindly" asked them to join us.

[skylee]

Thanks for all the +1. You are very generous indeed.

I guess it was the putting "big deal" and "Chinese Stare" together that got me the minuses. But as many have already pointed out, such staring could happen anywhere. So it is really no big deal.

Re Glenn's story. I had a similar experience. But it happened in Ljubljana, where a schoolgirl of about 7 or 8 stared at me like I was a ghost. I described her as "彷彿初見東洋鬼子現真身", blogged here.

[jbradfor]

I'll see all your stories and raise you taking a mixed baby to Korea. Now THAT WAS ANNOYING. Sure, it was cute the first 5 times some random stranger came up and wanted to touch her toes or take her picture, but by the 30th time in a single day it got really old....

Some friends of ours, a Chinese couple, has three kids. They said that when they went to China, they got stared at a lot too, presumable for having three kids. So it seems everyone different gets The Stare.

Mind you, I spend a fair bit of time in supermarkets giving appreciative glances to attractive women so it evens out (lots of attractive mothers in the supermarkets).

Good point, I guess it is fair after all <_<

[roddy]

But as many have already pointed out, such staring could happen anywhere. So it is really no big deal.

It can be a pretty big deal for someone who hasn't experienced it before. I've seen it really bother people who are self-conscious to start with, or are concerned about some aspect of their appearance - 'Oh my God, everyone is staring at me because my hair is a mess' - 'No, you're just generally funny-looking.'

Of course, another type of person will strut down the road assuming that everyone is looking at them because damn, they look fine this morning.

[Glenn]

I think she meant that in the sense that it's not a big deal that it happens in China, because it also happens everywhere else. That is, there isn't much use in talking about it like it's a Chinese phenomenon that's unique to China or Chinese people. It certainly can be a bid deal to the "stared" (I'm coining it), though, depending on the person, as you said.

[Mugi]

I remember walking down 解放路 in Guangzhou one day after I'd been in China for a couple of years and catching a glimpse of myself reflected in the polished silver pillar of a store front and realizing for the first time just how different I looked from all the Chinese around me. I stood there for a few seconds marvelling at how big my nose looked and how ghostly white I seemed!!