What is considered a date?

[tombio5]

I was just wondering what is considered a date in china for a chinese girl. I know it is common in western culture that you go out to dinner to a nice place when you want to show your interest in a girl. I know to make these assumptions for other cultures is not always valid. It seems to me that maybe asking a girl out to dinner in china is common and considered something done between friends wihtout showing a more deep "intrest".

Im not entirly sure however and i try not to fall into the trap of accepting stereotypical values and concepts is all. if anyone knows and can help me out it is much appreciated.

[gato]

How much are you planning to spend?

[Koneko]

Ha ha...

Is it a double dating, blind dating or group dating?

Speed dating or Internet dating?

K.

[tombio5]

haha

what makes you think this is about me, maybe im just curiouse ???? haha

anyway i am looking to travel to china in about june-july. I will go to visit someone i care about very much. Its not blind dating or double dating or anything like that, i guess at this stage the closest thing is internet dating, haha. As for cost there is no real limit, just not crazy expesive because i need it to last me about 4 weeks.

She already knows how i feel an di guess i would like to try and take it a step further when i go to visit mid this year. So thats why i want to know.

Hope that answers everyone elses question, haha

[Xiao Kui]

She already knows how i feel

If she knows how you feel and she accepts the invitation to spend large amts of times w/ you it seems like it would be date in a lot of cultures.

[derekws]

I can see how there might be more potential for confusion on this subject if you're from different cultures and speak different languages (am I asking her on a date? are we going just as friends? does she even understand what I'm asking?).

That said, if you're clear enough in your tone and body language - not to mention the nature of the activity you propose - how can she miss the point? It's the same in China as it is anywhere.

Come to think of it, I never had a problem with a Chinese girl knowing what I'm about, even if I spoke to her only in Chinese (not that I've dated so many). Whereas I can think of a few occasions in America when I had mixups on this score with, you know, white girls who speak English just like me, and they happened because of the ambiguituies *I* expressed.

So my point is, it's not so so different over there. Don't overthink this - it's just love.

[gougou]

I never had a problem with a Chinese girl knowing what I'm about

I did - but the other way around: I wanted to go out as friends, but they took it as a date. For some girls of the more conservative kind, going out with only one person, who happens to be of the opposite sex, is a date regardless of activity and purpose.

[roddy]

She already knows how i feel an di guess i would like to try and take it a step further when i go to visit mid this year.

Then it's a date. Where you go and what you do just decides whether it's a good one or a bad one.

For some girls of the more conservative kind, going out with only one person, who happens to be of the opposite sex, is a date regardless of activity and purpose.

Yep, especially in a smaller city, a couple just being seen together will lead to assumptions that something is going on. Don't be surprised if you get invited to some random rubbish park on the far side of the city to avoid being spotted by friends or relatives.

[dan ni er]

yeah definitely agree with Roddy and Gougou - if a chinese girl goes out with a guy who she doesn't know well, in their eyes it is a date and they are already considering your marriage credentials.

[mr.stinky]

yeah, kinda, maybe. i went out with a nice chinese girl this evening to one of her friend's

wedding.......everyone just assumed we were nu/nan pengyou. after the obligatory

rounds of beijiu, they were asking to make sure i would take her to a 'nice' city and

take care of her properly. not that i would have any say in the matter, of course.....

[tombio5]

Certainly getting some interesting thoughts on this with a mix of experiences

I just want to make sure she knows my true feelings and intention, in fact i already asked her if she would allow me to take her out to a nice place for dinner when i come to visit and i pointed out i was a little shy to ask. She said i shouldn't be shy because for friends to go out to dinner is common here. Thats what made me think it was a little different in china and seem like my intentions were not fully clear to her

[venture160]

I think for the average Chinese girl, unless she is a very modern and sophisticated city girl living in Beijing or Shanghai, or has already been burned by a 老外 before, a date with any guy means that she has considered if she could marry you.

[elina]

in fact i already asked her if she would allow me to take her out to a nice place for dinner when i come to visit and i pointed out i was a little shy to ask. She said i shouldn't be shy because for friends to go out to dinner is common here.

I think she may just consider it’s a normal friend meeting, instead of a date. It does not matter till now. But if you “want to make sure she knows your true feelings and intention”, you will need to make it more clearly during the dinner, with your “oral language”, not the “body language” at the first time meeting. And as a never-initiative female, I also think it’s your responsibility to ask for a “next time” after dinner, if you feel good.

Good luck!

[simonlaing]

Hi Tombio5,

It seems like your original question was

"I was just wondering what is considered a date in china for a chinese girl."

Taking a girl out to dinner is good, especially because it is a relatively safe and you can talk about the food and the restaurant. Though sometimes going to place that is too good can give the wrong impression in spending too much money on someone. Unless you're in an expensive place like Hong Kong or Shanghai don't spend more than 400 yuan on dinner for 2. Unless it is condition of eating there, like a restaurant that rotates at the top of a building etc.. Even then be aware of message you're sending

I want agree with a previous poster that people in Shanghai and Beijing are more cosmopolital than other cites. So going to a bar there would might be something normal whereas in other places Tea or Coffee shops would be more customary.

Also finding cheap interesting things to do may be more valuable. Talking a walk in a scenic place just the two of you is a common date. In Nanjing as well as various parks the University campuses were good places to go for a stroll. Based on where you are, Climbing a mountain to have a picnic or Going to a lake and going around on a paddle boat can be fun. A lot of Chinese parks in big cities have extra things like bumper cars (call pengpeng che) or mini roller coasters.

When you go to these scenic spots taking posed pictures separately and together is also a good way to pass the time. Also asking about activities she likes helps, if she says she likes dancing offer to go to a disco bar. Traveling go on a day trip somewhere.

One thing though is different Chinese girls have levels of how fast to go. So don't expect to be making out on the first date, though it could happen. (Children are often sheltered in their youth and often in University have their first boyfriends.) So look for signs and ask questions. Often asking if she has a boyfriend let's her know you could be interested in a romantic way.

On the date be ready for shyness, and difficulty expressing emotions. Keeping it light, with humor and common topics, and an interest in her is a good strategy.

Anyway, good luck.

Simon

[tombio5]

Thanx Simon and everyone else who replied

I think i now have a good idea of how things are

As for making out i don't have any expectations, i know someone in my situation can't have any expectations. I just know i care about her so much so i feel i have to try and take things a bit further. If you have nothing else to fight for then fight for love, haha

Guess all i can do now is try