caramen_22 Posted October 24, 2008 at 02:45 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 at 02:45 PM Our Chinese teacher gave each of us a student's short essay and asked us to find and correct all the mistakes, together with commenting on the essay. I was wondering if someone with knowledge on writing could help me point out the mistakes because the essay seemed fine to me. And how do you think of the writing? 据传说，上帝在东方造成了一个伊甸园，并给里面配上了许多种动物。上帝造了亚当，算这是自己最完好的创作。亚当在伊甸园里过活，但是很寂寞孤单，所以上帝取下他的一根肋骨，用这根骨头早了夏娃。这样，亚当就不会孤单了。他们很幸福的地生活在伊甸园里。这个老故事一部分想强调男女互相的必须性，也强调伴侣的生活。 社会快速地发展，人们不停地学习，追求事业。在这样的生活中。不少人选择独身的生活。有千万理由理解他们的选择。有人说：他（她）喜欢一个人过日子。独身生活很舒服，很安静，不被别人烦忧或者约束勉强，不要担心担忧这么多家庭问题。生活很自由自在，想做什么就做什么，不怕抱怨，吵架。 有人因为各种各样的理由而害怕恋爱，结婚，或者有懒得恋爱的心理。另一个场合，就是选择对象的标准太高，大男大女没有结婚因为没找到完美的对象，也习惯独身。 对我来说，每个人都有自己的选择，可是我想独身生活真有困难。最大的问题是：寂寞与孤单。人们出生，长大，工作，然后结婚，生老病死，这些规律似乎成为必需的。夫妻生活虽然难免有时发生矛盾，不同观点，但是家庭生活的幸福分秒非常美丽。家庭是分忧乐趣与忧心。互相帮助。独身的认可以享受这个感觉吗？ 独身特别对妇女发生困难。现代时期，独身女人的数量增加。很多女人太敏感，太聪明，过分的苛求让自己的生活孤单。她们吃力地劳动，用所有习惯放在游艺娱乐为了舒散孤空寂。但是这样是不是她们正伪造自己的孤单寂寞感？ 独身生活或者家庭生活抑或是人们的选择，不能说反对或者同情。但是如果要选，当然我就选家庭的生活。 Million thanks in advanced! Oh, and the topic is: what do you think of being single/not getting married? ("你对独身怎么看") Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
david808 Posted October 24, 2008 at 03:17 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2008 at 03:17 PM It is very good. How many years have you been learning Chinese? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylee Posted October 25, 2008 at 01:00 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 01:00 AM (edited) Please see my comments in colour. 据传说(it's not a 传说)，上帝在东方造成了一个伊甸园，并给里面配上了许多种动物。上帝造了亚当，算这是自己最完好的创作。亚当在伊甸园里过活，但是很寂寞孤单，所以上帝取下他的一根肋骨，用这根骨头早(should be 造)了夏娃。这样，亚当就不会孤单了。他们很幸福的( 的 should not be here)地生活在伊甸园里。这个老故事一部分想强调(really?)男女互相的必须性，也强调(really?)伴侣的生活。 社会快速地发展，人们不停地学习，追求事业。在这样的生活中。不少人选择独身的生活。有千万理由理解他们的选择。有人说：他（她）喜欢一个人过日子。独身生活很舒服，很安静，不被别人烦忧或者约束勉强，不要(用?)担心担忧这么多家庭问题。生活很自由自在，想做什么就做什么，不怕抱怨，吵架。 有人因为各种各样的理由而害怕恋爱，(、)结婚，或者有懒得恋爱的心理。另一个场合(I don't think 场合 is used like this)，就是选择对象的标准太高，大男大女(I guess this is a term that you created)没有结婚因为没找到完美的对象，也习惯独身。 对我来说，每个人都有自己的选择，可是我想独身生活真有(Would it be better to use 真的很? )困难。最大的问题是：寂寞与孤单。人们出生，(、)长大，(、)工作，然后结婚，生老病死，这些规律似乎成为必需的(??)。夫妻生活虽然难免有时发生矛盾，(consider using 和 or 、)不同观点，但是家庭生活的幸福分秒(why is 分秒 here? )非常美丽(it is strange to describe 幸福 with 美丽)。家庭是分忧乐趣与忧心(??? don't understand)。互相帮助。独身的认(人)可以享受这个感觉吗？ 独身特别对妇女发生困难( ? consider獨身對婦女而言尤其困難. And why is it difficult for women? )。现代时期(this is a strange phrase, consider something like 近年 etc)，独身女人的数量增加。很多女人太敏感，太聪明，过分的苛求让(consider using 導致 or 反而使)自己的生活孤单。她们吃力地劳动，用所有习惯放在游艺娱乐为了舒散孤空寂(very strange sentence)。但是这样是不是她们正伪造( ??? why 偽造)自己的孤单寂寞感？ (you need to rewrite this paragraph) 独身生活或者家庭生活抑或(why is 抑或 here? ) 是人们的选择，不能说反对或者同情(whose opinion is this? why is 同情 here? do you mean 同意? )。但是如果要选，当然我就选家庭的生活。 PS - I think this is a very average piece of writing. And I've just noticed that it was not written by the OP. Edited October 25, 2008 at 01:12 AM by skylee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imron Posted October 25, 2008 at 01:38 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 01:38 AM That's right, in the first post the OP mentioned it wasn't their own writing, rather it was their homework to find all the mistakes in someone else's writing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ABCinChina Posted October 25, 2008 at 02:20 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 02:20 AM Skylee, I think you should start charging for your services... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hofmann Posted October 25, 2008 at 02:43 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 02:43 AM Well...nevermind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylee Posted October 25, 2008 at 10:01 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 10:01 AM This way it looks too ...too ungenerous if you ask me Thanks for telling me that yout think I am ungenerous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caramen_22 Posted October 25, 2008 at 11:33 AM Author Report Share Posted October 25, 2008 at 11:33 AM Thanks very much for your help (and sorry for the troubling typos you have to bear with). I looked up "大男大女" and they gave me the "unmarried men and women who are about 30". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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