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Last composition for the quarter!!! Please help!


xuechengfeng

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Hopefully this is a little better. :-?

我父母送我一個自行車的時候﹐我只四歲了。我父母跟我到商店去買一個自行車。我看了很多自行車﹐對它們都有興趣。我要買好些﹐可是差不多所有的太貴了。最後﹐我看一個很好看的自行車。這個又小的大小又藍顏色的。我父親給售貨員八十塊九十毛九分錢﹐然後我們把我的自行車拿回我家了。我很高興了﹗回家的時候﹐我給朋友們打電話﹐所以關於我新的自行車﹐我對他們可以告訴。他們聽得時候﹐他們都要出來跟我一塊兒開自行車﹐可是我還沒學過怎麼開。我父親教怎麼開以後﹐我能出去跟朋友們一塊兒開自行車。雖然學怎麼開很難學﹐我還很激動了。我只三個月有這個自行車﹐然後它快地破舊了﹐因為它很便宜﹗我父母很生氣﹐因為我要別的自行車。在我們家裡頭﹐我給他們得幫收拾東西﹐因為他們說如果我幫收拾東西﹐然後他們要買別的自行車。現在我二十一歲了。我還有我第一個的自行車﹐可是很久不見﹐因為現在我會開汽車了﹗

I am still thoroughly confused on when to use "le" in past situations.

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我父母送我一個自行車的時候(no 一個)

我只四歲了(我只有四歲)

我父母跟我到商店去買一個自行車(also no 一個)

我要買好些(我想買好些is better)

可是差不多所有的太貴了(都太貴了)

我看一個很好看的自行車(use 一輛 better than 一個)

這個又小的大小又藍顏色的(it should be 這是一輛小型的藍色的車)

然後我們把我的自行車拿回我家了(Dont use 我 too many times in one sentence)

我很高興了(no 了)

回家的時候(回家之後 or 回到家的時候)

所以關於我新的自行車﹐我對他們可以告訴(我告訴他們關於我新的自行車)

他們聽得時候(他們聽了之後)

我父親教怎麼開以後(教我)

我還很激動了(no 了)

我只三個月有這個自行車(這輛自行車我只開了三個月)

然後它快地破舊了()

我給他們得幫收拾東西(我幫他們收拾東西)

我還有我第一個的自行車(no 的)

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xuechengfeng, your composition looks good, though there are some grammatical errors. Sorry I only have simplified characters on my computer, so let me just comment your use of 了。

I agree that the usage of 了 is very tricky. Three examples from your composition:

(1). 我父母送我一個自行車的時候﹐我只四歲了。

了 should not be used here, and I would write this as:

我父母送我第一辆自行车的時候﹐我才四岁(or, 我只有四岁)。

Here you emphasized that four years old is still very young. However, if you want to emphasize the opposite meaning (that is, 4 years old is already old enough), you may use 了 in this way:

我父母送我第一辆自行车的時候﹐我已经四岁了。

By the way, I think 辆 is more commonly used as a measure word for 自行车, though occasionly some people use 個。

(2). 我很高興了!

Again, 了 should not be used here. Just say 我很高興! (or, 我非常高興).

However, for the same meaning, you may use 了 in this way:

我太高興了!

我高興极了!or with more exaggeration:

我高興坏了!

我高興死了! :lol:

(3).

雖然學怎麼開很難學﹐我還很激動了。

I would change this to:

雖然學骑自行车很難﹐我還是很激動。

By the way, people don't 開自行车,since it is not an auto vehicle; instead, use 骑自行车, just like 骑马,nobody can 開马 :lol:

Your use of other 了 in your composition all look perfect. Good job!

Finally, I think it was your typo:

我父親給售貨員八十塊九十毛九分錢

It is like "what time is it? It is 08:90:09" :lol:

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