A poliite way of asking for coffee?

[Nakura]

In mainland 服务员 would be better than 小姐, because 小姐 usually refers to prostitute.

"小姐，两杯cappuccino" is ok, not impolite, of course however, not polite enough.

You may say : 服务员, 两杯cappuccino，谢谢！or: 服务员，请来两杯cappuccino.

服务员，麻烦来两杯cappuccino，and, with a smiiiiiile, you'll be charming.

[mnanon]

Thank you for the help. Will definitely use the examples mentioned in this thread =).

[Gymnosopher]

All this is thirsty work, think I'll pop out and get something to drink. Probably going to be a 奶茶 though as there's noooo 卡布奇诺 around here...

I guess the usefulness of the vocab is another issue altogether ;)

[mnanon]

I prefer 奶茶 as well!

[Lu]

Other posters have already said it well: Chinese needs less polite words.

However, it also depends on where you are. I think Skylee's experience is different to a large extent because Hong Kong uses more polite words than the mainland (as is Taiwan). On the mainland, it's perfectly normal to yell 服务员！ through a restaurant and say 服务员，来两杯咖啡 without a 'please'. In Taiwan, adding a 麻烦你 or 请你 is normal.

And yeah, call the waitress 服务员 rather than 小姐. Might be that in some places they don't mind, but they certainly won't mind being called 服务员, so just to make sure I'd stick to that.

[roddy]

because 小姐 usually refers to prostitute.

Was wondering when someone would trot out that old chestnut. Let me guess, we can't use 同志 either?

Chinese serving staff will be perfectly happy if you don't bark at them demanding to know where everything is and why it's taking so long. An occasional 谢谢 is fine, anything else won't do any harm, but it stands out. Just be friendly and give them a nod and a smile on the way out.

[mnanon]

They will know I am not a local, and standing out doesn't matter. I will spend most of my time in Hong Kong. I prefer being overly polite than not enough. I am sure people in China are used to having westerners 'overuse' polite terms.

[roddy]

There are degrees of standing out. And if you're in Hong Kong, you're going to be standing out because you're speaking Mandarin

[xiaocai]

westerners 'overuse' polite terms

Can't say that I have met too many.

Anyways, appropriate or not, people tend to care much less when speaking to a foreigner.

I think being overly polite may have negative effect, though. Like in Japanese, if you use too many honorific terms when speaking to someone of lower social level, they will think you are mocking them. But 谢谢 and 请 are not that rare in China, neither the use of them will be considered as being overly polite. At least you will see signs like 请保管好您的随身物品, 请随手关门，谢谢 etc.

[jkhsu]

It's nice to see a few more people agree with me on the use of 服务员 in mainland China. Most of my experience has been in Shanghai and I know that regional preferences do exist. Here's an interesting thread from Shanghaiexpat that has a discussion about 服务员, 小姐, etc.

Personally, the reason I use 服务员 is more for convenience. I've heard people using 小姐 in Shanghai without any problems in restaurants but I just don't want to have to worry about whether the staff is a female, male, older or younger than me. I find it really awkward to call an older female staff 小姐 for some reason. Plus, I use 服务员 for any service staff. When I talk to an authority figure, I always just use 师傅, regardless if they are male or female.

Edit: Another link with even more opinions on this topic.

[jkhsu]

When you enter a shop in China they usually just say 你要什么, which is perfectly fine.

When you enter a shop in China they usually say (or often yell at you) "欢迎光临"

[creamyhorror]

BTW, I feel it's weird to say "请麻烦你..." It seems ungrammatical, because 请 and 麻烦 play the same role. I would say one should only use one of them.

(Maybe it's because "麻烦你..." may be short for "我[想]麻烦你...(做某某事)..." ... but this applies to 请 as well.)

Someone let me know if I'm wrong on this

[Jakegwood]

I had a friend from beijing who was learning english while in America, and she was actually almost offended by how much I would say thank you. I am not more polite than anyone else, but we as Americans (not sure about England, but I haven't noticed too much a difference from the English I have met) subconsciously throw around thank you's. She felt like I was being too formal and that I was avoiding getting to friendly and wanted to maintain a formal distance. It took her a couple months of learning the language to learn that it's really just an innocent formality of the language.

[realmayo]

It's funny, I was reminded of this thread today while on the phone to an American company and, as the lady I was speaking to was about to transfer my call to someone else I said thank you automatically, and she came in there with a "you're welcome" which sounded so "American" to my ears! I mean, it jarred. I don't mean that I didn't like it, and I'm not criticising her, and after all I was talking to someone in the US, but if that's how the extra "you're welcome" sounds to my ears when I'm used to my "thanks" in these types of situations being the end of the back-and-forth politeness, then I guess that's how overdone my 谢谢s would have sounded to the Chinese ears of the shopkeepers when I over-thanked them for selling me a bottle of water or whatever.

[rezaf]

It's not just about "thanks" and "please", Chinese people even rarely say hello to each other. Before I used to say 你好 or 早上好 everywhere but now I just feel it's weird to say them. Now when I speak in Farsi I forget to use these polite words(which are necessary) and even forget to shake hands most of the time which makes everyone think that I'm not polite!

[xiaocai]

We doo greet here. Maybe they don't in Shanghai, but it doesn't mean that all of us do not.

[rezaf]

I didn't say Chinese people don't greet. I said "hello" and "good morning" are not that common. Usually it's directly starting to say something about what's happening at that moment, 吃飯了嗎？etc.

Edit：Actually when I think about it I have heard more "Hello/Good Morning" style greeting in Shanghainese than in Mandarin.

[skylee]

I've just realised that we can't just generalise the behaviours of all Chinese people. Like Lu said, in some areas people tend to say more polite words, and in some areas people tend not to.

I agree with xiaocai that 請, 謝謝, and greetings like 你好 etc are indeed commonly used. Perhaps it is just that more posters here are used to people who tend to say polite words less.

[WestTexas]

Where I live people will yell 服务员儿 and then just say what they want. Sometimes they will not even wait for the waiter to come over to the table, instead just yelling what they want all the way across the restaurant.

小姐, 麻烦你...

This seems overly polite to me. I can't recall any Chinese people being that polite with a waitress. I do live in a part of China where people are known for their brusque manners, but I've traveled around China a good deal and really just have a hard time seeing the average person being that polite to a waitress. I don't think it is 'wrong' to say, but I think that it is not used that much by most native speakers.

[Michaelyus]

Let's not forget question-based and modal verb-based politeness. Along the lines of "我能叫你拿一杯咖啡吗？" or "你能带来一杯咖啡可以吗？", which is pretty much my default strategy in my (albeit overseas Chinese and highly idiosyncratic) experience.

I can't ever recall hearing "麻烦你..." on the first (or single) request; perhaps on the third or fourth time refilling the 茉莉花茶 pot.

I also have to admit that I almost never use 请 except for letting others pass through open doors first (= "please, after you"). Strange: it must be to do with the fact that I associate 请 very strongly with "to invite", and therefore with acts of kindness and privilege, which I contrast with expected paid service. I've rather rarely heard 请 used in a shop or restaurant context over here.

The phrases on receipt of whatever service was requested (the "thanks" phrases) are near enough compulsory for me (and for almost all those I know). Although there's also a great variety in Chinese, as there is in English: 多谢 is frequent even in Mandarin; 感谢 I use quite regularly; and even 感恩 (which I've always thought was a really nice Vietnamese-based version, though I'm ignorant of its actual origins). It's only the next level: the specific add-ons, which take politeness into a level of almost personal interest...e.g. 谢谢你的慷慨, 谢谢你给我们端菜, where the 麻烦你 would most probably come in (whether as a start of a new request, or to finish the last few exchanges of thanks for the evening - though with 了 of course).

I personally quite like using 求, even though I know it's slightly excessive. But then I have a fondness for "...if you please" in English (though actually I tend to employ "... if it's OK" in practice - probably my most frequently used politeness phrase).

I would posit that methods of expressing politeness are much more varied in most Chinese-speaking establishments than in the vast majority of English-speaking ones, as well as the general will to employ them being much lower on average. Hence I don't think the 'rules of conduct' are as rigid nor as dependable. So I agree that generalisation will not help; picking one (or a few), adjusting later, then formulating that as part of your identity - that might be a better way of dealing with individual style in matters like this.