A question about Chinese families..

[PurpleDurple]

I am Chinese Canadian and both of my parents and all of my relatives are from the Toishan region.

On both sides of my family, I have people who I call uncle and auntie, not in a way where you'd call your parent's friends uncle or auntie to be polite but more in a serious way?

 

The story about my dad's side is that, uncle Henry isn't really my uncle, after my grandfather moved to Canada (without my dad), he was put in place in the family along with some other dude and they all lived together even when they moved to Canada.

My dad explains he's adopted but not really. (My uncle is nearly 20 years old)

My dad and him have same surname.

 

About my mother's side, there's these 3 ladies of whom I've known all my life and I thought they were just my mom's close friends but just now I realize it was sort of a blood brother thing betwen my grandpa and their family? My Chinese is minimal but from the gestures it seemed like it.

I did the gesture of cutting part of my thumb and putting them together and said "They did it like this?" she said yes.

My mom says their children aren't my cousins but they have the same DNA?

They also have the same last name as my mom (Yu)

 

I'm so confused, my dad lived here most of his life and still can't explain it to me.

[陳德聰]

What is your question exactly? Whether this is something that those weird Chinese people just do?

In your father's case: I don't think it's that he can't explain it to you, I think it's that he doesn't want to explain it to you, or he genuinely doesn't know because his father never actually explained it to him. You said your uncle is "nearly" 20 years old, so my assumption is that you are considerably younger than that. It likely involves complicated and potentially painful family drama. When he came over, did your grandfather have an illegitimate child? Who "put in place" your uncle Henry? If your grandfather fathered a child when he came over here if he came over by himself, then it wouldn't be that far fetched that he would just keep the kid and if he was not willing to explain it to his other children that is also pretty normal. You could ask your grandfather, if he is still around, where uncle Henry came from.

In your mother's case: So your mother doesn't speak English and you're communicating via gestures? I'm a bit confused about how she told you they have the same DNA then. Again it just sounds like your mother's father fathered these other women by another mother and then was responsible for raising them. So they'd be your mother's half-sisters and then they would not be your cousins, but something that some people call "half cousins", though that's not a legal relationship apparently, it's still a thing.

I'd be interested to hear more about your situation because I am nosy. My family is also from Toisan but I've only really ever heard of this kind of thing in books and stories about immigration pre-1950s.

[Flickserve]

Sounds a bit like the grandfather or great grandfather had two or more wives, or possibly a bigamous relationship.

Reading the original post makes me rather muddled. Perhaps it can be rewritten in a bit of a more organised fashion?

Does the mother not speak English? How old is she?