business qoute TRANSLATION Help

[venture160]

SO I am in the middle of a PPT translation, and this one is kind of bugging me. Any help could be great... thanks so much!

here is the english:

“Firms with cultures emphasizing leadership at all levels, outperformed those that did not by a huge margin. Over an eleven-year period, revenue increased 682 percent for leadership enabled enterprises, compared to 166 percent for those who weren’t. Net income increased 756 percent versus 1 percent.”

here is my rough and horrible chinese translation:

“企业文化在强调全层领导力特别强于大盘一些企业缺乏这种文化. 在一个11年的时期中有发挥领导力企业的利润增加了682%,比较与缺乏其种领导特色企业的利润只增加了166。 净利润增加了756相对于1”

[studentyoung]

“Firms with cultures emphasizing leadership at all levels, outperformed those that did not by a huge margin. Over an eleven-year period, revenue increased 682 percent for leadership enabled enterprises, compared to 166 percent for those who weren’t. Net income increased 756 percent versus 1 percent.”

here is my rough and horrible chinese translation:

“企业文化在强调全层领导力特别强于大盘一些企业缺乏这种文化. 在一个11年的时期中有发挥领导力企业的利润增加了682%,比较与缺乏其种领导特色企业的利润只增加了166％。 净利润增加了756％相对于1％”

“at all levels” means from the ground to the top, I suppose. 全层 might be slightly odd for Chinese people to get the meaning.

“增加了” means " increased by”. But if you check the text, it just tells us “increased 增加”.

revenue: (一年)总收入, not "利润interest/profit"

net income: 净收入, not "净利润net profit"

从基层到高层都有强调领导能力文化氛围的企业，他们的表现比起其他没有这种文化氛围的企业要好得多。在11年里，有领导能力的企业，总收入增加682%，相比之下，没有领导能力的企业，只是166%。净收入增加是756%比1%。

Thanks!

[heifeng]

Here's my stab at it:

那些在各级都有强调领导能力的企业，比起没有这种制度的企业要好得多。经过11年的时间, 前者年收入比率增加了６８２％．后者比率仅增加了１６６％．此外，二者净收入增长比为756%比1%。

[venture160]

OK, I decided going about a different rout,

second stab:

具有文化的企业着重于对各个阶层的领导力，与那些缺乏者存在着巨大的差距。在十一年中，企业具有领导力使其在总收入额上增长了682个百分点，相比之下，那些不具有领导力的企业只增长了166个百分点，净收入的增长比例是756:1.

[studentyoung]

Firms with cultures emphasizing leadership at all levels (Original text)

From the original text, it seems that “emphasizing leadership at all levels” acts as an attribute to modify the none “cultures”. That’s why I say, “从基层到高层都有强调领导能力文化氛围的企业”.

具有文化的企业着重于对各个阶层的领导力 (venture160’s translation)

In these Chinese words, the meaning is firms with cultures and emphasizing leadership at all levels, which means “重于对各个阶层的领导力” doesn’t act as an attribute to modify “文化”. Therefore the meaning of the original text has been slightly changes.

revenue increased 682 percent (Original text)

总收入额上增长了682个百分点(venture160’s translation)

OK. Let me give you two examples at first.

1. The rate of inflations has increased by 2%.

通货膨胀率已增长了2% 。

2.The population has increased from 1.2 million 10 years ago to 1.8 million now.

人口从10年前的120万已增加到现在的180万。

The above two examples are from OXFORD ADVANCED LEADER’S ENGLISH-CHINESE DICTIONARY, Fourth edition, page 753.

There are no other relative figures in the original text to tell whether it should be “increased to” or “increased by”, so I translated in this way, “总收入增加682%”.

Thanks!

[heifeng]

As a sanity check try to get a native speaker to look at it and see if they can derive the meaning from it or find a similar article on such topics in Chinese. Just imagine how many times you have looked at something translated C=>E and wondered wtf they where trying to say....If it's for a slide and others will be seeing it try to do a trial run first.....good luck