Relations between boys and girls

[gato]

The thing I found most amazing was university students being told they couldn't have a boyfriend or girlfriend. I mean that's when you can meet potential partners so it seems counter to the whole opportunity and experience to ban one of the most important parts of Uni life.

It used to be that university students, including graduate students who could be in their 30s, were not allowed to marry while in school. That rule was repealed a couple of years ago.

[ipsi()]

ban one of the most important parts of Uni life.

I'm sure if they banned beer on campus over here, most people would consider that worse...

Anyway, I see it as being a bit strange. Making people study, at the expense of having a boy/girlfriend, (and to some extent, I'm sure that applies to having any sort of life too...) produces people who are very good at studying, and not much good at anything else. Like dealing with people. Makes me wonder about a lot of stuff... Especially when I see plenty of good students over here who have boy/girlfriends. *Shakes Head*

It used to be that university students, including graduate students who could be in their 30s, were not allowed to marry while in school. That rule was repealed a couple of years ago.

That's just... wow. So what happened if you left Uni, went out and worked, got married, and then decided you wanted to do graduate study? Did you have to get divorced? Or were you just not let in on the basis of being married?

Having said that, I don't think there's many people out there that would get married at University anyway. I hear that getting married tends to be rather stressful (and happy, once you (or your wife-to-be) are walking down the aisle), and University is already pretty stressful. I don't know of anyone who's actually done that while studying. I think most people, in China or not, rules or not, would want to wait until after graduation anyway. Just my opinion though.

[roddy]

Part of the reason for the old rules is perhaps that the university would be considered the student's 单位 - so if two students got married they would be entitled to a private room, healthcare and education for any kids, extra costs for health care during pregnancy? You can perhaps see the logic.

[MartinF]

well, I wouldn't encourage marriage either. I wouldn't ban it, but I wouldn't encourage it. I don't think anybody should really be getting married in their early 20's. Too young.

I would encourage students to explore their sexuality. Safely using contraception, of course. Worked well for me

[simonlaing]

To Echo Roddy,

Most University's CHinese student dormitories are gender segregated of about 6- 8 in undergrad and 2-4 for graduate students. So in when students get married they are asked to move off campus. This was the way they used to enforce the ban.

Now days students often rent off campus and thus there is more marrying happening. It was not uncommon for students to get married to the their school mate sweetheart straight after graduation. (Which is more often than not, the only girlfriend or boyfriend that they have had).

Did you hear there were age requirements as well for getting married.

I think for University students (including 2 year associates degrees) it was like 22 for men and 20 for women.

If you didn't go to University, it would be 18 for men and 16 for women.

I could be wrong and these regulations could have been changed, but probably they are just lightly enforced. (I remember this cause I was 22 when I first came to China and it made me think.)

Have fun,

Simon:)

[imron]

The legal age limits are 20 for females, and 22 for males, based on modern rather than traditional age-counting methods i.e. you are 0 when you are born and don't turn 1 until 1 (solar) year after your date of birth. This is regardless of whether you are a student or not. Article 6 of Chinese marriage law states:

第六条 结婚年龄，男不得早于二十二周岁，女不得早于二十周岁。晚婚晚育应予鼓励。

Roughly translated as: When entering into a marriage, the man must not be younger than 22 and the woman must not be younger than 20. Late marriage and late childbirth are to be encouraged.

Of course people still get married earlier than this, often in rural areas, and often by falsifying various documents to prove they are old enough.

[ipsi()]

That's not too bad. 22 is maybe a bit old, but it's only a couple of years more than in New Zealand (which is 20 for both males and females, but you can get married after 16, if and only if you have your parents permission).

Agree with MartinF, early twenties feels a bit too young. Though if you forget to use contraception, then there's a chance you may end up having your hand forced in that regard.

[Millaray]

Hi there!

I´m a latin girl and I´ve been studing chinese for 3 yrs. I fall in love with my chinese teacher he was my teacher last year and he is 23yrs old ...

and as I knew I also like him I decided to ask him if I could be his girlfriend and he said yes ! I know he is a very shy guy and doesn´t speak very much so I´m trying to be patience and maybe he need time.... I really don´t have any idea about what to do , here in southamerica it is so common to give hugs and kisses everytime and I´m aware that this customs make him uncomfortable. it´s been a week since I ask him if I could be his girlfriend... but no kiss and no hugs come on!! how long it would take! I just want to kiss him!!

please

[MartinF]

Hi Millaray,

well, first of all I think your teacher is very lucky. In my experience, latin girls are very passionate, romantic, and expressive. Quite different from tradtional Chinese girls. Your boyfriend may not know how to handle your relationship because he sounds like the quiet type and he may be very inexperienced with women. If he has any experience it might be with traditional Chinese girls who are often quiet and demure.

You say, you have had 1 week together. Did you go on a lot of dates in this time? Is that 1 date or 7 dates? It makes a big difference. If you see him a lot in romantic situations and he hasn't reacted then I would be concerned. But if it is just one date then you should give it more time.

As other people have said, many Chinese are uncomfortable kissing and hugging in public. It's a cultural / traditional thing. But in private they should not have that problem. So try to get him in a private situation and hopefully nature will take it's course. If he is still not responsive, talk to him about it. Maybe he can explain why he will not kiss or hug.

If he can't explain and won't respond to you then I suggest you find somebody who can. He just might not be compatible with you. I was in this situation too, and I had to walk away because our cultural differences were too great and neither of us would change.

good luck,

Martin

[Ari 桑]

I would say that guys and girls in beijing are super open with eachother everywhere except in highschool. College kids and kids who aren't in school tend to be just find with lots of PDA.

[Millaray]

thanks Martin!

I really hope he feel that way hehe. oh and is just 1 date ... I think I should give it more time.

[simonlaing]

Hi millary

Sometimes in cross cultural relationships, boys and girls sometimes err on the side of not saying or doing to much.

So I agree with the other advice, Try and get him in a private situtation, (apartment is best but even a secluded park away from everyone will work) .

You can try and talk with him, but also just make give a few singles, being closer, and then just start making out. (for chinese people who might not know the slang this means kissing) . I'm pretty sure he'll kiss back he just is overly nervous and doesn't know the ettiquette.

Also when in public he may still hold hands, though he may just walk close to you. Even that little thing will let others know there is something going on.

It depends on the people, and espicially since you're the girl making the first move I don't think you should worry about him pulling away, playing coy or silly silent treatment games some immature chinese girls sometimes play.

You go girl. have fun,

Simon:)

P.S. Chinese guys can be very sweet. And Chinese guys are just as full figured as western guys.

[Millaray]

hi Simon!

When you said:

Also when in public he may still hold hands, though he may just walk close to you. Even that little thing will let others know there is something going on.

it´s so true! and happened! lol we didn´t hold hands but he walked close to me and ...

somebody realized that there is something and ask me what going on. I´m not obsessed with kiss him hehehe...I will try your advice being closer and start making out

So thank u guys!

see ya!