Another thread about Chinese dating customs (sorry!)

[Demonic_Duck]

I just met up with a Chinese girl I met on lang-8 who's also in Beijing (I just moved there) for what I guess could be counted as a language/cultural exchange (speaking Chinese most of the time; even though her English was much better than my extremely basic Chinese, I think she was kinda embarrassed to speak English). Anyway, we went for a meal, then afterwards just basically walked around aimlessly. Things seemed to go pretty well, but nothing I would consider explicitly romantic.

The main thing I was wondering was whether the text she sent afterwards implies anything more than "just friends". She said she was 很开心 this evening, that I was 很可爱, and that she 希望很快能再见到 me. Does this imply that she's into me, or is that just how Chinese girls tend to talk?

Should also maybe mention that I hugged her when I said goodbye, not sure if that's considered appropriate or not, and if so whether it implies interest on my part.

[icebear]

Hugging a person goodbye on the first day you meet them sends a signal in the West also...

With that context it seems like there is some possibility going forward. Too limited to speculate on further, I think.

[David Wong]

Dude, she is so into you. Walking around aimlessly is a major sign.

Seriously, I think she's into you.

[anonymoose]

She's into you. Looks like you'll soon be into her. Just use protection.

[gato]

Love is in the air. She's falling so hard.... Don't take it too fast. Chinese girls think about marriage after about 2 dates, sometimes less.

[大肚男]

yeah, I think she's into you.

I don't know if David is serious or not, but I agree that walking around aimlessly IS a sign.

also, the fact she called you cute is also very encouraging.

I would suggest you move forward fast, to avoid getting into the friend zone and wasting your time

for what it's worth, this is also my gf`s opinion

[esoyohoo]

She's into you.

[Demonic_Duck]

Hugging a person goodbye on the first day you meet them sends a signal in the West also...

I wouldn't say so, necessarily, at least not for my age group where I'm from.

Any rate, all sounds promising (except for the whole marriage thing, that's a little intimidating...)

[gato]

Just remember that casual dating isn't that prevalent yet in mainland and most Chinese people still date to get married, and most women consider themselves old if they haven't married by 25. Mainland China is not quite France, but it's not Saudi Arabia, either.

With that, you are good to go.

[skylee]

Promising for what? Because she seems interested you are game? This seems weird to me. But I am not in your age group. haha.

[icebear]

I wouldn't say so, necessarily, at least not for my age group where I'm from.

I wouldn't say its necessarily a clear signal in the West, but it certainly isn't a common way to say goodbye on the first day you met a person. I think it implies an accelerated push for intimacy from your side; and I'm all for one night stands and casual dating (i.e. not of a conservative mindset, which this girl might be).

To be clear, I'm from the US and in my late 20s, so hardly a out of touch curmudgeon (I hope).

[anonymoose]

Well, you know, 来者不拒.

[Demonic_Duck]

Huh? At what point did I say or imply that I wasn't interested?

[Demonic_Duck]

I wouldn't say its necessarily a clear signal in the West, but it certainly isn't a common way to say goodbye on the first day you met a person. I think it implies an accelerated push for intimacy from your side; and I'm all for one night stands and casual dating (i.e. not of a conservative mindset, which this girl might be).

Well, yes, in this case it was, I'm just saying that it doesn't necessarily mean that, at least to me.

I also have nothing against casual dating in principle (or even one night stands, although I tend to think "if it was good the first time, why not do it again?), but I'm also at a point where I'd be open to the idea of something a little more serious. Marriage, on the other hand, is the last thing on my mind.

She didn't seem conservative-minded to me, although obviously I'll need to get to know her better.

[大肚男]

hey icebear, I'm from the us, an in my late twenties, and i do consider myself an out of touch curmudgeon, haha

[putonghua73]

Picking up on a few points.

Hugging is an informal act amongst good friends (West). Very unusual to be hugged after the first meeting in the West; I cannot recall hugging (or being hugged) any of my Chinese friends or even kisses on the cheek. Except my travel companion, whom when we parted after 4 days together [travelling], I picked up, spun around and kissed her on the cheek.

Icebear is correct (as usual) in his assessment re: rush towards intimacy. No need to rush; be playful in conversation, engaging i.e. actively listening to her and participating.

Be a lil more distant with your intimacy i.e. if you want to make a playful gesture, gently and lightly tap / touch her elbow to emphasize a point. In all situations, it should be (or at least feel) natural but not invasive.

More importantly, have you arranged the next meeting? She told you she wants to see you again (很快), so you should have already suggested the next 'meeting' to her.

Enjoy your 'meetings', and let things develop at their own pace.

[realmayo]

Promising for what? Because she seems interested you are game? This seems weird to me. But I am not in your age group.

Hi Skylee, if it seems weird to you I think it's more a question of gender than age!

[Demonic_Duck]

Promising for what? Because she seems interested you are game? This seems weird to me. But I am not in your age group.

Hi Skylee, if it seems weird to you I think it's more a question of gender than age!

Huh? At what point did I say or imply that I wasn't interested?

More importantly, have you arranged the next meeting? She told you she wants to see you again (很快), so you should have already suggested the next 'meeting' to her.

Naturally I have.

[Lu]

Not much to add here, plenty of people have said useful things. Just thinking that being a woman who tends to think too much, it's heartening to see that this is not strictly a female thing. Keep those threads coming :-)

[putonghua73]

"Just thinking that being a woman who tends to think too much, it's heartening to see that this is not strictly a female thing"

Certainly not just the preserve of females. I, too, think too much about such matters (despite what might appear to be contrary). I guess it is because people rarely say what they truly think, thus language is codified, and you have to desperately try and unscramble the meaning, all the while hoping that you haven't mixed up the message.

There is a natural tendency to feel vulnerable when expectations, hopes and feelings become involved. Also, the male ego is a fragile thing at times, and by and large, we - if I am permitted to use the royal "we" here - are fearful of rejection; particularly if there is some investment (in terms of feelings).

DD's situation doesn't bear too much introspection. He's just seeking confirmation and validation from neutral parties, that he hasn't misread any signals.

I try not to have too many expectations until at least a few 'meetings' because despite what people may say, their actions convey a totally different meaning c.f. the other dating thread. You also need sufficient time to be able to form an objective view of the other, as well as for any potential red flag to show themselves.