gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:15 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:15 PM the thing about life is you never know when you would fall into that same or somewhat similar situation. As adults we must bear the consequences for our decisions whether they are good or bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zbigniew Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:22 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:22 PM Going back twenty years I've known six couples consisting of a British man of non-Chinese origin married to a native-born Chinese woman. Only one couple is still together - a couple who lived together in the UK for two years before getting married. None of the others lived together for any significant amount of time before getting married. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:25 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:25 PM Now go back that same 20 years and check how many marriages of non-Chinese men to non-Chinese born women in the UK and see how many of them are still married. When you get that info then share it with us. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zbigniew Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:26 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:26 PM Sorry, you've lost me. I think you may be reading more into my post than is intentionally there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:40 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:40 PM what you fail to understand is that you singled out similar situations in the Uk that you know about which would cast a negative view on the person seeking advise. One wonders if the woman was white would your advise be the same. I can guess that race has a lot to do in the UK. Prejudice of whites to non-whites are very high in the UK. I know this for a fact even though the majority of whites in the UK don't acknowledge it. Let me inform you that the UK is the most racist country in the world and their laws are so biased in favor of whites and their descendants that it took the EU Court of Justice to force the UK to give UK citizenship to non-white persons born in the UK overseas territories who had no citizenship. this law change in 2002 with The British Overseas Territories Act 2002.but persons born in Gilbralter and other mainly white territories were given automatic citizenship with birth. Why do you think Brexit was so successful because the majority of white Uk persons were fed up with the interference of the EU in their laws and the mass influx of non-white immigrants to the UK. They want it to stop. so forgive me if my view of what you said upsets me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethingfunny Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:43 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:43 PM Wow. And down the rabbit hole we go... What happened to: Quote The color of their skin is of no importance. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:46 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:46 PM please read the post more carefully and you would not have use that quote which is out of context. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
somethingfunny Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:55 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 08:55 PM Yeah, you're right, I did use it out of context. I guess you're not a total moron then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 09:05 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 09:05 PM the same could be said of you. You are not a total moron yourself. The underlying issue here is race: no-body is speaking about it. It is funny though, as much as I criticise racism in America I will say this, Americans are still more receptive to a white-chinese relationship than in the white people in the UK. Yet in the UK. it is ok for whites to go to China and work and make money from there and India. It is ok to promote the learning of Chinese in UK schools etc.. but it is not ok for a white/chinese couple to be married and live in the UK. There lies the problem. White society in the Uk frowns on these type of relationships. They may not openly say it, like in American society in the southern states but the British are hush-hush behind close doors. the stiff-upper lip etc.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gwr71 Posted October 24, 2017 at 09:08 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 09:08 PM I for one am in favour of this relationship going the distance despite any obstacles thrown in their way. i do wish them all the best. I will do no further posting on this topic. I have said all I can say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted October 24, 2017 at 11:24 PM Report Share Posted October 24, 2017 at 11:24 PM 3 hours ago, gwr71 said: I take your point but the point I am trying to make is that women by nature thinks more than men. Agree with this. Of course there is a big range in rationality of decision making but in general, yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcdefg Posted October 25, 2017 at 12:58 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2017 at 12:58 AM 4 hours ago, gwr71 said: I for one am in favour of this relationship going the distance despite any obstacles thrown in their way. i do wish them all the best. I will do no further posting on this topic. I have said all I can say. Anyone who can quote both Percy Sledge and Alfred, Lord Tennyson in such a persuasive manner can do almost no wrong in my book. No need to stop now. But I admit to being puzzled and surprised by this take on the situation, seeing the main obstacle as racial. 4 hours ago, gwr71 said: The underlying issue here is race: no-body is speaking about it. That aspect of things, that source of conflict, would not have occurred to me, though it's entirely possible that I'm just naive. I never think about Chinese and Caucasians in terms of race. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lu Posted October 25, 2017 at 08:58 AM Report Share Posted October 25, 2017 at 08:58 AM Race is no doubt a factor, but I think it comes well after factors like age difference, cultural differences, difference in mother tongue, visa trouble, finances, and adjusting to a new country, culture and family. All these will likely be much bigger issues. If the woman in question was, for example, Russian, all these factors would still be at play and could still be major problems. If the woman in question was English born & bred, it could still be problematic if there is a big difference in age and financial situation (if that is indeed the case, OP hasn't specified these), but at least in that case it's not as big a problem if things go wrong: they can just split up and both continue with their life, with only their relationship lost and nobody having moved halfway across the world, away from their friends and family. I hope some of our discussion is useful to Johnymelad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted October 28, 2017 at 02:57 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 02:57 AM On 25/10/2017 at 4:26 AM, Zbigniew said: Sorry, you've lost me. I think you may be reading more into my post than is intentionally there. I got the same impression as he did after reading your post. In statistical terms, yours is a very small sample size in terms of the bigger picture. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flickserve Posted October 28, 2017 at 03:19 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 03:19 AM On 24/10/2017 at 5:26 PM, Johnymelad said: Thank you all for your comments. It’s a very tricky situation and we are taking it one step at a time. This is the best way to do it. Plenty of relationships in the UK breakup so you do have to have convincing evidence you have a strong relationship and financial means. One year is not a long time and you would have to develop the relationship with further visits and meetings in different countries. Proof of time together as evidenced by photos, not just of yourself but in groups and different situations can only help and do no harm. She should never say she is visiting with a view to possibly getting married when she gets her passport checked on a future visit. This is a very Asian, normal and natural answer. However, this is a red flag to any border control. Probably would lead to refusal of entry. Questions might be quite devious as well. She needs another job and she didn't resign from the last job to come to UK on a visit. Or maybe that's already recorded down now? She was inbetween jobs and had some time to spare. One uncertainty is how much time should you leave things before trying to apply for another tourist visa. I guess it can't be too soon or that would raise some flags. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChTTay Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:11 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:11 AM I’d like to hear more from the OP than “thanks” ... While led I do appreciate a thanks, it would be good to know what they think of the suggestions and if anything has changed. Have we helped? How? Made things worse? im needy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abcdefg Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:36 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:36 AM On 10/24/2017 at 5:26 PM, Johnymelad said: It’s a very tricky situation and we are taking it one step at a time. Agree, ChTTay -- This sounds like a politician's response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
studychinese Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:46 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 04:46 AM I doubt this is a racial issue. The problem is that western governments bake incentives into foreign marriages that encourage marriage fraud, and then try to prevent it by creating roadblocks for non fraudulent relationships. In Australia the normal length of a marriage with a foreign person is around 2 years. It ends with the foreign partner getting permanent residency status. Along the way a lot of people are hurt. The solution is just to allow anyone to bring in a partner and require that partner to leave when the relationship ends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lips Posted October 28, 2017 at 06:16 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 06:16 AM 1 hour ago, studychinese said: The solution is just to allow anyone to bring in a partner and require that partner to leave when the relationship ends. Not an equal relationship then. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
studychinese Posted October 28, 2017 at 08:13 AM Report Share Posted October 28, 2017 at 08:13 AM Lips, it's already subject to massive abuse. There are no easy solutions but removing incentives for abuse is all that can be done. Once the incentive of foreign residency or citizenship is removed then real relationships are possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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