About to enter into a relationship but we have a huge age gap of 18 years, would that be a problem?

[Kenny同志]

Thanks Duck and Lu.

 

I feel slightly better now. Got a job offer this morning. Will work on a project for the next two days, which is a good thing. : )

[abcdefg]

Sorry that you got hurt, but glad you got disentangled before making any further investment.

[Kenny同志]

Thanks abcdefg. I will get over this soon.

[feihong]

Glad to hear that you've got productive things to take your mind off of her. You really should delete all her contact info from your phone (Weixin, email, cell, etc), though. I know how hard it can be to permanently delete people, so perhaps you could ask a trusted friend or acquaintance to do it for you?

 

Not that you should feel too sorry for him, but that other guy is in for a world of pain later. In a way, she did you a favor by ending it quickly.

[Kenny同志]

Thanks for your suggestion, Feihong.

 

But I really don't want to do that. I still have feelings for her. :）

[Shelley]

I understand that you still have feelings for her, but i think the advice to delete her contacts is probably a good idea.

 

It might be painful but think of it like removing a sticky bandage from a wound on your knee, one quick tug to remove it is painful but best get it over asap. Short sharp end to the matter.

 

Ask yourself what would you do if she did contact you? you know better than to go back with her, so apart from knowing she is ok, you have no need to contact her.

 

Write down her details on a piece of paper and put it somewhere safe, if you absolutely have to contact her you will be able to.

 

She has yours, if she gets in touch with you, be cool but friendly, keep it short.

[Kenny同志]

Thanks Shelly. I think what you said makes good sense. Just give me a few days to decide whether I must do that. : )

[Flickserve]

delete her number and block it.

Repeat - delete number, block number.

[Angelina]

I am going to unfollow this topic. Do the same, unfollow this topic and unfollow her. 

[imron]

Kenny, I'm going to chime in with the other people suggesting to delete and block her contact info

 

But I really don't want to do that. I still have feelings for her. :）

 

That's exactly why you need to do it.  From everything you have said, and coming from a position as your friend, I can tell you that this woman is not good for you.  Her actions have clearly demonstrated that, and as I have mentioned previously, show manipulative tendencies.

 

However, you still have feelings for her and that makes it easy to discard objective reality in favour of how you feel, and this means that you are still vulnerable to her manipulation at some point in the future.

 

Deleting and blocking her, although painful, allow you to protect yourself from further pain caused by her.

[Kenny同志]

Thanks, Flickserve, Angelina, and Imron. She said she would block me the day after tomorrow when she returns the money via WeChat for the gifts I gave her. She said she truly loved me and left me because she was old and didn't want to ruin my life. I will leave her alone for a few months. If by then I still have feelings for her, I will get in touch with her.I am willing to take whatever pain that may cause.: )

 

我知道大家都是為我好，祗怪我沒用。

 

[Kenny同志]

大家不要再管我了，不管後果如何，都是我自找的。

[imron]

She said she would block me the day after tomorrow when she returns the money via WeChat for the gifts I gave her. She said she truly loved me and left me because she was old and didn't want to ruin my life. I will leave her alone for a few months. If by then I still have feelings for her, I will get in touch with her.I am willing to take whatever pain that may cause.

Fair enough, but just remember you are giving control of this situation and your feelings to a person who has shown disregard for those feelings.  By blocking her, you take control of the situation for yourself.

 

Whatever happens in the future, remember look at actions not words, no matter how sweet the words are to hear.

 

大家不要再管我了，不管後果如何，都是我自找的。

You came here asking for help, of course people are going to try to help :-)

[Kenny同志]

Whatever happens in the future, remember look at actions not words, no matter how sweet the words are to hear.

Thanks Imron. I will. And I will ignore her for a while and see what happens.

[Flickserve]

Thanks Imron. I will. And I will ignore her for a while and see what happens.

Wrong answer.

Delete and block, delete and block, delete and block....

After that, move on.

[Lu]

I will leave her alone for a few months. If by then I still have feelings for her, I will get in touch with her.

I think you should give it more time than that. At least a year, in my opinion, to give yourself a chance to really explore the worth of life by yourself, with work, friends and interesting things to do, and then decide whether you'd really need to add her to it.

 

I agree with other people that you should delete her contact information, but personally, in situations like this, I never manage to do it either. Just make sure you don't actually contact her.

[Kenny同志]

I understand why you have such strong feelings about this whole thing, Flickserve. But I really really don't want to do that. All I can do is to ignore her and make sure I don't contact her first.

 

Thanks Lu. What you suggested sounds good to me. 

[Angelina]

I think it is better to block her now instead of waiting for her to give you certain things back. No matter how much she gives back it is impossible for her to turn back time. If you don't block her soon, you will depend more on her. 

 

It will take some time for you to learn how to trust people again, this will be the most difficult part. The sooner you distance yourself, the sooner you will learn how to trust people again. 

[Shelley]

She said she would block me the day after tomorrow when she returns the money via WeChat for the gifts I gave her.

 

Don't wait for her do this, consider it a loss. You were prepared to give her the gifts, therefore I assume you can afford to not get it back. This is just one more hook that she has in you.

 

Make it plain to her that you will not be treated the way she did and delete and block her numbers now, so if tries to contact you she will see you mean business. Does she know where you live? If she really really wants to see you, she can make the effort to track you down.

 

As I said, as a mental safety net, write them down somewhere so if it is absolutely necessary to contact her you can.

 

 

[imron]

On the bright side, you now have a brand new phone.  I'd also suggest still taking the trip to Beijing.  I'm sure you could find a handful of forum goers to meet up with also.